Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Monday, October 31, 2011

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Thirty One: Halloween

     This is what it all ends and begins with. Halloween. The holiest of holidays.  You keep believing in your invisible man in the sky and  I will have fun, carve some pumpkins, watch horror films and listen to the crypt jam. When I think back to what has turned me into the monster horror nerd I am it has to be Halloween.
It comes once a year but as far back as I can remember October 31st was the day I looked forward to the most. Christmas was cool as I got some shit but the idea of dressing up, watching horror films and getting a fuck ton of free candy always had me harder than a priest at Chucky Cheese.
      The thing about Halloween is I live it everyday now, just like Count Gore De Vol said, "Every Day is Halloween."  I don't give a shit if it is a summer day I will sit down and do a Friday the 13th marathon while eating Count Chocula. I listen to horror soundtracks all year, sure in the month of October it's all I listen to but Halloween has become my life. The thirty one days of horror nerd indoctrination happened because when I was a kid I realized how much I loved Halloween and by the time I was in school already had committed.
The House of Grog's pumpkins. Pumpkinpede, Christ has Failed Pumpkin, Sam and Puking pumpkin.
     Now that I have ranted about how life is Halloween I will go off a bit on things I do for Halloween as it still is my favorite holiday and October is a month that makes me happier than I could put in words. I love that it is the one month most of the world is on par with my addiction to the macabre.  I love that I can go to the store and see cereal with vampires and ghosts while I hear Monster Mash and pick up my special edition of It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown at a sale price. I can get intoxicated, carve pumpkins and listen to the theme song from Ernest Scared Stupid over and over again. I can write these articles. Sure I have written my fair share over the years but with the Countdown to Halloween it gives me a reason, its like fucking someone your in love with.  Orange Oreos. They are so much better than the white ones. I don't care if it's just a color change I can taste it mother fuckers.  Halloween party's are essential. I unfortunately have to take it easy this year as work comes early on a Tuesday but I have had my fair share of insane Halloween party's. People are more inclined to be as crazy as me when they are costumed.  The first year i was in Portland I woke up freezing in someones backyard confused and half naked. I promise you it was an awesome Halloween. This year for a pre-funk  I am told I ended up half naked doing the Thriller dance looking like the Rancor Keeper from that super overrated movie Star Wars.
      Carve a pumpkin, listen to Adams Groove, have a Trick or Treat/Trick r' Treat double feature, eat some candy, get infuxicated, tell ghost stories, read a Lovecraft book and add anything else that makes you as happy as I am right now.


Sunday, October 30, 2011

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Thirty: Video Stores

  So everyone knows I love VHS and DVD. I have rambled on about ordering them, buying them hunting for them and a million other ways to get a movie. Movies are important and all the mediums they have come on in my lifetime from TV to Blu Ray. One place that I hold closer to my heart than the big black empty space surrounding it is a video store. Growing up I would spend hours looking through the horror section, the covers were art and I was an artsy fartsy figuring out what the artist meant by putting blood on the left side instead of the right.  Video stores were my sanctuary, even if I didn't have money I would go hang out and talk movies. I just felt comfortable in them, like a vagina it was a place I could spend the rest of my life in.
    In the early part of the century Jacob Von Klingele and I opened our own video store Videodrome. We of course specialized in horror and cult and tried to get some cool merchandise like posters, shirts, accesories and anything else we could get our hands on. The Ma and Pa video stores for the most part were gone by now and it was the closest we could get. We did VHS and DVD and at first we were just sales. We were planning on moving to rentals for the hard to find but due to money not quite working the way we had hoped never made it there. We did however have a fucking blast the whole time we were open, it was a lot of work and I was working six to seven days a week at like twelve to fifteen hours, luckily for the most part work meant talking film and throwing parties and watching movies. We had a Halloween Party the year we were open with costume contest and an all day movie marathon where we showed everything from Nightmare on Elm Street to Eraserhead.

     These days I am lucky enough to live in a city that still has some pretty epic movie stores. We have one of the biggest in the country with Movie Madness. Rooms and Rooms full of VHS and DVD with a museum as the backdrop. Everything from the knife from Psycho to the ear from Blue Velvet.

    Things have changed and it is OK to embrace the future similar to the vampire but I for one hope home Video Stores never fully die.


Saturday, October 29, 2011

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Nine: TV

     Horror and TV. In my opinion Movies are the greatest medium and I do my best not to waste my time watching shitty reality TV when there are amazing films to be seen, however through the years the boob tube has been pretty god damn rewarding when It comes to horror. As a Kid I would watch reruns of The Munsters, The Adams Family, Twilight Zone, One Step Beyond and even Dark Shadows if I wanted to get my woman on.  It was great. Rod Serling was my favorite host and The Munster's were my favorite family.  I wanted to trade in my life to move to 1313 Mockingbird Lane.

     I would sneak over to my friend Ryan's house and to watch Freddy's Nightmares. It wasn't the best show by any means and Freddy was barely in it but it was fun and I still revisit it from time to time.  His intro's were, well kind of ridiculous but I just couldn't help myself, hell I still can't.  Friday the 13th also got its own show, Jason had nothing to do with this. It was about an antique shop and hunting down possessed objects.  I have very fond memories of this and have recently watched through all of them and really like it. It's like Halloween 3. You have to forget that it's linked to Friday the 13th and it rules.  Poltergeist and Swamp Thing also got their own shows. I have watched a few Poltergeist episodes but it never stuck with me.  Swap Thing however I fucking loved and still do. Twenty two minutes an episode and most are pretty ridiculous but I just fucking love it.  It has such a unique feel to it.

Over the years there have been many a great anthology show, it kind of started with Twilight Zone but in the eighties  and nineties they really took over and we even have had some this millennium.  The quintessential of course would be Tales from the Crypt. I watched the shit out of this show. Every week I was glued to the TV like the time I had that accident with the super glue. The Cryptkeeper was perfect, he was creepy, kind of an asshole, and funny as shit.  So     many great guest stars and directors were involved in this and so many memorable episodes. The Santa one is a Christmas must and my personal favorite was the Harry from Night Court episode where he draws pictures and they come to life. When he made his wife a fat gross monster I was terrified and excited at the same time, I mean she was kind of hot.   Monsters, Alfred Hitchcock presents and Tales from the Dark side pretty much were similar without the cryptkeeper. They were fun but like that song  Sinead O' Connor wrote about the cryptkeeper, "Nothing compares to you." Night Gallery was Rod Serling's horror version of Twilight Zone and it was phenomenal.  Nightmare Cafe was fun for like the six episodes it lasted, not really anthology but the cafe kind of makes me feel like it was the shows cryptkeeper. Anthology shows got a resurrection in the oughts when Masters of Horror premiered on Showtime. While a lot of people hated on this show I found a lot of the episodes to be excellent. The standouts for me were Stuart Gordon's Dreams in the Witch house and Don Coscarelli's Incident on and off a Mountain Road with Takashi Miike's never aired Imprint a fun fucked up ride, kind of like having sex with the girl you know that has all the issues that benefits her performance if you know what I am saying.  All the episodes for the most part are entertaining. It only made it two years and tried to reinvent itself as Fear Itself on NBC with mixed results.

In the nineties and into mid 2005 Joss Whedon controlled the airwaves with his vampire tales, first with Buffy the Vampire Slayer which had failed as  a movie and then the spinoff Angel. I always enjoyed the movie for the campy fun and was hesitant to watch the show. I always assumed it was made for teenage girls.  Well I finally gave in and was instantly hooked. Sure you had your love bullshit but there were so many great characters and the writing was excellent. Angel went over to his own show with mixed results. The first season started strong and I actually enjoyed Angel where in Buffy I thought he was a whiny douche.  Some seasons worked for me and some didn't,( I am looking at you season four) but by the final season with Spike moving over to the show it was damn near perfect.

There have been tons of other great shows of course, some funny, some serious, all fun.  Twin Peaks which is my favorite show of all time may not be strictly horror but it has some of the most horrific scenes ever played on prime time. Wolf Creek was A Twin Peaks rip off with werewolves that got canceled faster than a Joss Whedon show but was a good time killer. Reaper and Dead Like Me were more numerous takes on horror. Ray Wise as the devil in Reaper is fantastic plus you get half of Tucker and Dale(Dale).  Dead Like Me was entertaining while still being creative and emotional.  Mandy Patinkin owns his role and the rest of the cast is amazing, and Daisy O' Dare gives me a rock hard boner, and that's important. Eerie Indiana was like a cross between Twin Peaks and X Files for kids. One of my favorite shows ever didn't get the life it deserved.  Sam Raimi did American Gothic which was really creepy and fun and also like many of the great horror shows cancelled early. Millennium was Chris Carter after he saw Seven. Lance Henriksen owns this role as Frank Black and is a great fucking show. It made it threeseasons and all three were completely different in tone. Speaking of Chris Carter you know I have to talk about The X-Files.  One of  horror/sci-fi's longest running shows. I would walk over to my friends every week to watch it and loved it. Scully was so hot and Mulder was hilarious. The monsters were awesome and for TV is was pretty fucking terrifying.

     As a kid there were two shows that got my little kid boner raging. Are You Afraid of the Dark and Goosebumps.  Kids horror is important as it fattens them up for what's to come and these are two of the funnest shows out there. I still watch both of these all the time. Classic and amazing.

     One last mention is of course MST3K. I have watched all of these so many times. Some of the first times I saw a horror or old sci fi movie was because of this. The jokes are hilarious, the aliens are hilarious, basically everything is amazing about it and if I could sum up the way I felt as I child this show does it.


Friday, October 28, 2011

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Eight: Friends

     When I say friends I don't mean  that shitty show with Jenifer Aniston. If I was talking about her I would be talking about her pre boob job in Leprechaun because that was sweet, plus it had that dude from Pee Wee's Playhouse that ended up being John Wayne Gacy. When I hear the word friend if I was gonna talk about a sitcom it would be Perfect Strangers because the theme song encompasses friendship. I mean you just hear it and you wanna buy your friend a drink and talk horror. I also would think of the Golden Girls because they were fucking hilarious and had amazing friendships. The thing is though I am just rambling.  Who gives  a shit. When say friends I mean the fucking bad asses that you talk horror, go to conventions and go hunting with. That is a friend.
     I remember in elementary school just waiting for recess so I could go out to the playground and talk to my friend about how Child's Play was or how fucking bad ass it was that Jason was on the Arsenio Hall show.  These are some of my earliest memories of horror broner's. After school we would walk to the video store and look at all the horror movies pick one out each take it home and the next day we would meet back on the playground and discuss. We were like Siskel and Ebert only less douchy. 
     Later on in life when I became obsessed with collecting it was essential to have a hunting companion. I mean I had a good time going out alone and it wouldn't stop me but there is something to be said about sharing the experience. Weather it Jacob Von Klingele, Gabe Nye the Science Guy, Jimmy Caution or Jeremy Gaulkenstein and sometimes all of the above. We would go from store to store trying to find that out of print copy of Last House on Dead End Street or The two disc Big Trouble in Little China special edition.  We would bullshit movies as well as other things the entire time and grab coffee and food in between and after and talk about our finds. We had a code. It was like honor amongst thieves. We may all be excited to find Industrial Symphony Number One but they all knew I had Lynch's cock down my throat way farther then them.  The same was said the other way. If we found the Hellraiser tin I would be stoked but I wouldn't suspend it from my dick like Jacob Von Klingele. The code was of course off if they weren't there. I mean a little friendly competition was necessary. That phone call explaining that you found the Criterion Robocop was priceless. You could hear the tears through the phone. 
    Holidays are also important as finding that gift that you know is gonna make them shit their pants is as rewarding as the cash you get for finding a missing child. Getting gifts is sweet as well, don't get me wrong.  Gabe Nye getting me the Puppet Master chest with the Blu Ray for Axis of Evil or Jacob getting me a Serial Mom cereal box.
    Conventions and signings are definitely amazing but better with friends. I went to the first Twin Peaks fest by myself and while amazing the next year when Jacob joined me it added to it ten fold.  There is a euphoria about planning these with friends and once you get there it's like having the best orgasm, like when you get some help from the prostate.
    Now that we are in the distant future, and yes I realize that this makes no sense. It does to me and that's all that matters things have changed. You still have all that but with it being easier than ever to meet and stay in contact with people from all over the world you get a whole new group of friends. I have made some pretty bad ass friends that I have never met. Mr. Gable and I share a bond with bad movies that would combat those rapey eyed vampires any day. I don't think Edward bought Bella a signed The Room poster. Eternal love my ass. Micah has sent me movies, Robo sent me a package that made me feel nine all over again.  More people than I can name have helped me by spreading the grog love. Re-tweets, re-blogs, recommendations and just support that you can't always find from your friends that are around all the time.  The Bad Netflix Movie Marathons that have you watching a movie with tons of friends that you have never met in all the time zones.  Does that mean we can all cheat on each other with each other? I mean if a different zip code changes the rules what the fuck does a time zone do?
    Without sounding like an emo bitch I am just saying that all the support I have received over my thirty one years of existence weather it be on the playground or on the interwebz I raise my glass to you and may you drink until you vomit blood and summon a dark lord who will grant you wishes that aren't a trick, unless your wish is a trick.


Thursday, October 27, 2011

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Seven: Conventions

Conventions are a great place for a horror nerd. I would always see advertisements for them in Fangoria and Rue Morgue but they were always either east coast or at the closest LA.  I dreamed of going, seeing pictures of some my favorite actors and directors and all the party's. It just looked amazing. I would fantasize about all the amazing things I would find. Props, movies, toys and tons of things I couldn't even imagine. I went to a couple of com-icons that were fun and I found some cool stuff. I met Robert Kirkman, Julie Benz, Eric Powell, Steve Niles, Brom, Tony Moore, and James O'Barr.  I also frequented the Twin Peaks/David Lynch festival which was amazing. I met some rad people including tons of the cast and Jennifer Lynch. I got to see Eraserhead on the big screen while being more intoxicated than Hunter S. Thompson.  My Twin Peaks box set was signed by most of the cast and I saw ninety percent of the filming sites.
   While at a Portland com-icon I found out there was gonna be a horror convention in Eugene, OR. I shit my pants right there. Eugene was only like five or six hours from Yakima so it was doable. The list kept getting better. Most of the cast of Last House on the Left, I was gonna get Friday the 13th: A Nude Beginning signed by weasel.  The majority of the cast of Return of the Living Dead was also gonna be there as well as tons of other greats. Well a few months my dreams were crushed as it got cancelled. Turns out all the hippies in Eugene were not interested in having it in their city.
    Well, it finally happened.  I was surfing the net in my shit garage and came across a site for Crypticon: Seattle. Kane Hodder, Bill Mosley, Sid Haig, Danielle Harris, Tony Todd and Ashley Laurence among many more.  I immediately bought tickets and Gabe Nye got us a hotel and we were set. It was a dream come true.   Below is what I wrote after I got home, a bit insane and plenty nonsensical as I was insanely sleep deprived.  Please excuse the gramar and spelling. I know it is worse than usual. I had been awake for four days, still kind of drunk and typed it on my cell phone. I just want  you to understand the welcome insanity these conventions bring.
I stayed in a Hilton....not something i ever thought i would do....the glass elevators made some skid marks in my pants but i got used to it...the skid marks that is...Keith and i wore they live glasses while freaking out on the balcony of the ninth story room i had...Jason Mewes is funny as shit kinda like Jay but smarter...not classier by any means...he hoped us well on getting pussy so that was thoughtful....Kane Hodder almost knocked Gabe on his ass and choked the shit out of us....i won the puppet master box....Jacob won the full moon classics box....and Gabe won...well nothing...we all learned we love bawls(no homo) and floats made with bawls(no homo deuce)are awesome as well...lix online is a great t-shirt company and we will be on the website soon...Danielle Harris is tiny but still sexy...Ashley Laurence is also very sexy and has very cool art....Hanna Hall is sexy, nice and enjoys a pall mall which is a-OK in my book...and i do have a book...Sid Haig should be president....Candyman dwarf's me which is not something I'm used to...Roddy Piper is amazing and will soon have a book about soap monsters and has a great collection of doorstops.....Bill Mosley made fun of a fish and has an amazing voice....Gabe almost bought a pirate costume to win over the girl of his fantasy's(no pun intended) i even spill my beer when im sober....Steph hung up on Jason Mewes and he told her she loves the teabag and i dont think he ment earl grey....crazy skull guy from willow was there but no Warwick Davis or Val Kilmer action...Joe knows more about nkotb than the average male his age....cigarette smoking man has a soothing voice for such a smoking champ....i got a pack of
Morley's no smokes in it though to bad I'm sure old made up cigarettes are tasty.....59 year old's still have game and can get the poon...fancy wedding party likes talking about horror movies...shots through the cage on the ninth no order or comprehensible fashion that(longest sentence ever) sums up my a couple hours of sleep then 17 hour day of work at Sasquatch....good times.

Next up we have my insane rant about the second one I went to.  



cryptikizzle 2 the search for curlys gold

Bumper to bumper traffic on I5.....almost pissed my pants trying to find parking...found a McDonald's with a lot so stopped to piss...gotta have a key so had to buy a shitty 99 cents burger and almost pissed myself again in the in..nerded it up...Coscarelli is a bad ass and way taller than expected..scared of TCM....the sphere attacked me and i giggled like a schoolgirl.... Reggie Banister is a gentlemen and a scholar..but probably spelled better..sweet hair as well...keep rocking the bald a picture of frankenhooker's boobs....sweet...lixonline lady was back...amazing stuff...unfortunately no money caused no buying of sweet slaughterhouse shirt...lots of smokes....pig hunt was bad ass...act 1 dudes going hunting movie...act 2 deliverance part 2...act 3 culty kool aid drinking hot naked bitches..act 4 gigantor the killer pig movie....can i just say amazing....jim issac has himself a masterpeice...who knew...i mean jason x was badass...but....well i dont need to explain...smokes and more smokes...makin fun of all the goons larping(i guess) ken foree in black santas revenge...also badass...nothing hat guy was stoked...more devil doll closed out the night....funny as shit...but also wore out its was scene seet but not need to be ten mins long...nothing hat guy not as up need to get some dicks....burgers that is...then walk up the hill of hell...keith and i out of me some dicks...burgers that is...bullshit with the boys...shark atack 3:megladon it is....sleep a couple hours on the some water over myself...dry off with a dirty shirt...ready to ten movies u should see...overall agreed....phantasm panel....bad ass...funny, interesting, and angus scrim via phone....booooooyyyy...sweet...the fog pannel also bad ass...tom atkins is the man...night of the creeps like a mutha with tom atkins, doug jones, and adriane harras the excorcist lady so we can take a pic of her retarted sign...brian and christy show up...get a beer....wander aimlessly...go to eddies...bullshit and shitty movies, road trip, ID4, jeepers creepers 2, and end it off good with swamp PG movie ever...sleep a couple more a boring woman of horror pannal...ladys afraid of boobs and gore....awsome...reggies wife was interesting...that was about it...overdose on dead snow...badass...nazi zombie can kill them some nerds...gory fun and awsome....super awsome panel with ken foree and michael berrymen....aside from "that girl" and her with foree and berryman...foree is pretty bad ass...he could kill me...even though he went down like macauly caulkin in from beyond...nicest dudes ever though...time to go...quick twin peaks tour for christy and huge burgers and fries...get a refill on fries...bad idea...gas up at the vanishing gas station .....time to drive 200 miles on a food coma..good one mispelled, poorly worded sentance that was crpticon part 2....hopefully part 3 will be in 3D...ill give the camera a joint...pix up soon...

     I have now missed a few conventions that I should of attended. I guess that's what happens once you have something you take it for granted. Before I would of driven days for a convention now they are near me and I am like "well, maybe next year." 


Wednesday, October 26, 2011

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Six: Troma

     It is safe to say that one of the biggest influences on me has been Troma.  I saw Toxic Avenger when I was a wee little lad on USA Up All Night and was hooked like Dustin Hoffman in that Spielberg movie. Speaking of Hook, I ended up seeing that in the theater as I was trying to sneak into Candyman and got caught so I had to go into the movie I actually bought the ticket for. What a bunch of shit,anyways back to Troma. After Toxic Avenger I saw the sequels and Class of Nuke em High, Sgt. Kabukiman, Troma's War, Tromeo and Juliet. One of the big Troma films that wasn't a Lloyd Kaufman film that I have the fondest memories of was Monster in the Closet. I also saw that for the first time on Up All Night and fell in love. I taped it off the TV and watched that shit so much. I was like a stalker. I would sneak up on the movie, slip it some drugs and tie myself up while watching it. OK, so maybe that's not all true but I did fucking love it. 
    I would go to the video store and rent anything with that Troma logo on it. When I got home and put in the tape I would hear the music, you know the music and see that backdrop of New York and would cream my pants. Seriously, like cream of wheat but with way more power and excitement. Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz present was my bible only less made up.  I was convinced that anything Troma put out was great, that all changed but I will get into that later. The stuff Lloyd did was my favorite but there were still some other films that I loved. The aforementioned Monster in the Closet, Combat Shock, Redneck Zombies, Rabid Grannies, Killer Condom which is one of the most bizarre Troma films, not just because of the subject matter but because it is not at all what you would expect.  When I think back to early Troma films the one that stands out is Cannibal the Musical. I bought the VHS at a local comic book shop based off the title and I recognized the names of the director and stars. It was Trey Parker and Matt Stone. South Park had just hit and it peaked my curiosity. I of course also saw the Troma logo so my boner made me buy it. I watched this movie so many god damn times.  The songs were amazing, it made me laugh more than I thought possible and it was just a fucking blast. I have heard that Lloyd turned down South Park because he thought it would cost to much and that it wouldn't be all that interesting to people. Not sure the merit behind this but I can only imagine if Troma had the rights to South Park. It would be like an alternate reality story, like Superman: Red Son but with less commies.
Jacob Von Klingele, Lloyd Kaufman, Tromette, and me.
Once DVD hit the scene my love for Troma reemerged. A friend of mine bought me the two disc Terror Firmer and Gabe Nye, Jeremy Gaulkenstein, Jimmy Caution and myself put it in and lost our shit. I was laughing so god damn hard I couldn't breath. It was like the best orgasm ever, luckily I remembered the lemon so I woke up when I came.  It was like a whole new Troma.  Terror Firmer is also where I first saw the trailer for Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger four.  I was as excited as a Nekromaniac in a morgue.  I watched this trailer so many times and couldn't wait. It took a few years but It finally was released to DVD and I woke myself up right when Borders opened, well when Jeremy Gaulkenstein told me it opened, which was wrong even though he worked there. I waited in the parking lot for like and hour smoking cigarettes and waiting impatiently and it finally opened. I took it home, watched it and yet again came in my pants.  The group was divided on this one. Gabe Nye and I loved it while Jimmy and Jeremy weren't so fond of it.  It wasn't to long after this that Jacob Von Klingele and I made a trek to Portland(I still lived in Yakima at this time) to meet Lloyd. He was gonna be giving a lecture and signing his new book Make your own damn Movie. We made all the arrangements and drove the two hundred miles. His lecture was awesome and he was hilarious. I got my copy of Citizen Toxie signed and that folks was a historical moment. He signed it to the moniker Tromeric which of course has become my name. Eric fuck that, Lloyd says my name is Tromeric. I will not argue.


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Five: Websites/Blogs/Podcasts

    It being the future and all I would be crazy(which I am) to not include a place that ninety five percent of horror news comes from. The internet. Yeah, I love magazines and books and will never give them up. The thing is the internet is fucking convenient. It also has made it available for hacks like me to post my thoughts(I might be pushing it with that) for everyone to see.
      I would say my first real interaction with a horror news site was Bloody Disgusting. When I first found that site I read it religiously everyday. It was amazing instead of waiting every couple of months for a new Fangoria or Rue Morgue I could just click a couple buttons and find out that Jason was gonna fight Freddy.  Since then I of course have found tons of places that I check religiously.
     News is great and necessary but what else has been a great addition to my life is reading other peoples thoughts and listening to podcasts. It is so interesting to hear all the different views and places people are coming from with their love for horror.
      So instead of writing about every place I can think of I am just going to link to some of the sites/blogs/sites I read. Check em out. There are so many great ones I know I will forget some. I am sorry. I am doing this on a whim with no preparation. 

One of the biggest sites and always a good place to check for up to date news.
He watched a horror film a day for a year and documented it. Now he has interesting articles, reviews and lists.

Mr. Gable is my brother in bad. He will tell you how shitty a movie is and why he loves it. Some of the most fun you will have reading about one mans insanity. 

Scary Larry is a whore for whore. You can find out about all the horror babes,comics,movies, and music you want with insightful clever write ups and pictorials.

Video Reviews of film and TV. This shit is amazing and hilarious and you should check it. 

Robo will teach you about his sad side with some of the most insightful, intelligent while still be entertaining reviews on the internet. 

A super entertaining and informative Podcast, reviews, and other random bits of awesome.

Love of all film, specializes in awesome. Horror,Action, comedy and more. He gives love to the lesser known or distributed work.  Amazingly insightful and hilarious write ups and more love for Dolph than you thought possible, and that's a good thing. 

Great blog where Vincent shows off some of his amazing art. You must see this. 

A podcast after my own heart.  Horror and beer. These guys have had some great episodes and I am sure there are plenty more lined up.

He loves The Asylum so much they had him write for them. His first feature A Haunting in Salem was a fun throwback haunted house flick and I pretty much have a rock hard boner waiting for 2 Headed Shark Attack. 

Another great place to get up to date news with some pretty entertaining reviews and articles. 

Lover of film and music Dr. Terror will teach you things you knew nothing of. His articles on soundtracks and novels will have you screaming for more. No malpractice suit here. 
Great blog with super interesting write ups on films of all genres. You owe it to yourself to check this out. Her love for Reb Brown alone warrants a view.

Super insightful articles with plenty of humor mixed in for good measure. I knew I had found a blog I had to read when I read his write up on Joe Bob Briggs. 

The man that brought you the grog's logo and has contributed with some of the most popular articles shows off his art skilz. Title says it all. 

Another contributor to the grog Jacob Von Klingele shows his toy making which will rape your face. Not all horror but all amazing. 

   Well I know I missed about a million but here is a start. More knowledge and entertainment are at your fingertips. Use them.


Sadistik/Kristoff Krane- Higher Brain Video

    I met Cody(Sadistik) a Christ age ago when I had the Videodrome open and he would come in often and buy some of our best films. Suspira, Maniac, Street Trash. It was nice in a shit hole of  town to have someone with taste.  I remember him coming to my trailer to look through my collection and bring over the Guinea Pig collection as I wasn't luck? enough to have seen it yet. Well from there on it has been years of horror talk and drinks. He stops every time he is on tour and if he has no show planned we even will throw together a drunken house show. He knows his shit and it shows. On top of all that he is an insanely gifted musician. I suggest giving this a shot. If you don't like Hip-Hop, no worries. I still suggest you check it though.  His music will tear your soul apart.  This is a video from the upcoming album Prey for Paralysis which is a collaboration with Kristoff Krane. Kristoff Krane is another unique musician that I highly recommend.  I have had the pleasure of meeting him a few times while on tour and I can only imagine the soul punching they will give you together.  I was originally supposed to have a small role in this video but unforeseen circumstances caused me to not make it up to Seattle.  I did a review for Sadistik's last album The Art of Dying   Which you can read by following the link and i would also like to say that Prey for Paralysis  is now available for pre-order (with limited edition T-shirt packages as well) at both    or



Monday, October 24, 2011

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Twenty Four: Music

     Horror and music has been linked together like Sid and Nancy. It's a bond that can't be broken but murder and overdose may occur.  I think back to being a kid and my love for Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath were probably my first foray into horror inspired music. I mean sure they aren't exactly horror but who could argue with their dark overtones.  I mean Eddie. Dude is basically a zombie that bangs his head.  The first time I remember horror and music completely linked is when I let the VHS for Nightmare on Elm Street three play all they way through the credits and Dokken came on and metaled my face off. Alice Cooper with Prince of Darkness was another one. I had that on cassette and would listen to it over and over. DJ Jazzy Jeff also peaked my interest when he got the Freddy lawyers all up in arms singing about a nightmare on his street.  The Fat Boys also had a run in with Freddy and Freddy got his own record of greatest hits, granted they were just bad dance music with Freddy saying some shit I still find myself listening to it from time to time.

      As a teenager I became obsessed with everything Danzig touched. The Misfits were my go to. Catchy, fast and full of horror references.  Night of the Living Dead, Halloween I could go on forever but this is not just and article on The Misfits. Danzig's other voyages into music also dealt with plenty of horror. Samhain, do I need to explain? Danzig his self titled group and probably my favorite is anthems to the devil himself.

    Listening to The Cramps is basically like watching  a sleazy monster movie. With songs like Bikini Girls with Machine Guns and Journey to the center of a girl how can you go wrong.  The Cramps live is a spectacle in itself. Lux Interior was a showman that would of made William Castle jealous.  There were plenty of other bands that put out horror themed music from the old days. Nick Cave and Lydia Lunch, Fear, TSOL, The Damned, 45 Grave and countless more.

     These days there are an insane amount of bands out there making their name in horror. I mean just pick up an issue of Rue Morgue. Some of the standouts would of course be Nekromantix who have put out record after record of awesome. Creature Feature put out their first record which blew up and then kind of disappeared  or a while but are now back with a vengeance. Half of them just put out the Rufus Rex CD while a new Creature Feature album is slated soon. Horrorpops are a great Psychobilly band that have put out three great records including Hell Yeah, Bring it On, and Kiss Kiss Kill Kill.

     We are now circling back to where we started. Metal. There are so many metal bands and sub genres that I could write a fucking book. Well, at this point I don't feel like that so I am just gonna name some of the highlights from over the last ten years or so. Ghoul with Maniaxe and Splatterthrash. Splatterhouse with The House that Dead Built. Lord Gore, Blood Freak, and Frightmare have put out nothing but perfect albums including Die Young, Stay Pretty, and leave a flesh eating corpse, Sleaze Merchants,Re- Sickened and Bringing back the Bloodshed. F.K.U.(Freddy Kruger's Underpants) have put of three of my favorite albums of all time with Sometimes they come back.....To Mosh, Where Moshers Dwell, and Metal Moshing Mad. Funerot gets a special mention for covering a song from UHF on Stranded in Time as well as putting out other thrash worthy albums. Impetigo is great if you want longer samples than songs and how can you forget Exhumed? The inventors of gore metal.

      Now we get into soundtracks, scores, and songs from films. This could get out of control as I am obsessed with soundtracks. I listen to them pretty much all the time. If I can find the record of them that is even better. Gabe Nye just got me the Maniac soundtrack that Mondo put out and it is a work of art. To try and avoid making this one of the Game of Thrones books I am going to do two separate lists. One of scores one of songs. Here we go.

Top twenty Horror Scores

20. Zombieland- David Sardy- This is one of the few new films on the list. This movie is not perfect, it is however a fuckton of fun. Regardless of how you feel about the movie David Sardy creates so much atmosphere with his simple yet effective score. Its like Slug up in the mutha fucka. I put this in and  just become happy, and the next time I am sad, it manages to bring up pretty much every emotion possible in the same score. That's impressive in my book. Its like turning a preist on with a vagina. Not an easy task yet it seems so simple.

19. The Exorcist- Mike Oldfield- Do I really need to say anything about this, its  a classic, I hear it and I think of a girl banging herself with a crucifix, that's a plus in my book.

18. The Omen- Jerry Goldsmith- This song is so eerie, Fantomas did a version on their Directors cut alub and it was so kick ass I wanted to kick a baby in its soft spot, repeatedly.

17. Predator- Alan Silvestri- So when I hear this I do bad things, I will be just sitting there relaxing with a drink and all of a sudden I hear da da da da da duh. Next thing I know I'm at the top of the stairs Predator crawling down(by that I usually mean falling or rolling down in  an attempt to crawl.

16. The Thing- Ennio Morricone- This guy is a fucking genius and this score is one of his best and that is saying something. So fucking creepy. Man is the warmest place to hide.

15. Psycho- Bernard Hearmann- I feel like a lot of these I dont need to explain, but I'm drunk so I will anyways. You here this and you know right away. Don't stay in a hotel, dont get to close to your mom and dont take a shower. I guess hippies must watch Psycho.

14. Hellraiser- Chistopher Young- Not Clive Barkers first choice but still effective. I want to stick pins in my dickhole when I hear this. Is that weird?

 13. Trick r Treat- Douglas Pipes- Not to be confused with the sweet Rocksploitation film from the 80's about Sammi Curr, this movie took way to long to come out as it was one of the best horror films in years. Douglas Pipes creates a thick terrifying yet fun atmosphere for this song and is a must own for any fan of great film scores.

12. Puppet Master- Richard Band- Watching the Puppet Master films is still one of my fondest memories from growing up, and within one note of Richard Bands wonderful score I feel like I am a kid again.

11. Gremlins- Jerry Goldsmith- Another classic, Jerry Goldsmith is definitely one of the masters. I listen to this and am scared to feed anything after midnight. Its weird.

10. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer- Steven A. Jones- This makes me wanna take a shower, in blood, but still a shower. The music captures the bleakness of the film so well.

9. Hardware- Simon Boswell - A truly underated film with such a uneasy score.

8. I Stand Alone- Thierry Durbet- Gasper Noe is a sick fuck. This movie makes me feel like the worst person ever. I love it.

7. Suspiria- Goblin-Goblin are the shiznit, Suspira is so fucking good it gives me penis Tourette's.

6. Nekromantik- Daktari Lorenz- Corpse fucking has never quite been this beautiful. Wow.


 5. House of the Devil- Jeff Grace- Another newbie but god damn is it an eerie score. Not to mention one of the best films of last few  years.

 5. The Taint- Oh my God. I am addicted to this. So catchy and fucked up, just like the movie.

4. Tenebre- Goblin- Goblin wins again. This makes me wanna dance. Dance after I strangle a helpless victim while wearing awesome gloves.

3. Phantasm- Fred Myrow/Malcolm Seagrave- So fucking creepy and amazing and beautiful and awesome and bad ass and scary and killer, I could go on all day. They played this on the piano in an episode of Boy meets World and it shows up in a hip hop song as a sample. Booooooooooooooooooyyy!!!

2. Cannibal Holocaust- Riz Ortolini- Seeing some of the most fucked up imagery while listening to one of the most beautiful songs is very confusing. Its like getting raped on a Sealy Posturepedic bed.

And for number one we have a tie, one old one in the last ten years.

1. Bubba Ho-Tep- Bryan Tyler- Don't even have anything clever to say. This score makes me so happy, this movie is a masterpiece and makes my shit rock hard brah.

1. Halloween- John Carpenter- If  I have to say anything you have no business reading this list.

Top twenty songs from films

20. Straight between the eyes- Anvil(Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers)

Anvil was a bad ass band that never really got the credit they deserved till recently when an amazing documentary was made about them came out. What they did get was to be on the soundtrack of one of the best sequels this side of C.H.U.D. 2: Bud the Chud or Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo.

19. Critter Skitter- David Newman(Critters)

This song makes me wanna dance like my life depended on it, Ill pour milk on myself and shit.

 18. Everybody gets laid tonight- Hammerhead(Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter)
This song makes me so happy, Its like Journey done with lyrics by a Posicore band.

17. When the rain begins to fall- Jermaine Jackson/Pia Zadora(Voyage of the rock Aliens)- One of the main movies that should be on DVD. Jesus Balls.

16. Taking over the World- David E. Russo/Kirk R. Thatcher/Michael Mclure/David Friendly(Spaced Invaders)

This is the best rap song maybe ever, The Leprechaun rap is up there but this is so fucking good and it is a sham that I cant find it anywhere to post on here. I will murder the earth on my conquest to find this. Later though I'm lazy at the moment.

15. Psychos in Love- Carmine Capobianco/Debi Thiseault(Psychos in Love)

Do I have to say anything a great song and a great film, truly underrated.

14. Me Against the World- Lizzy Borden(Black Roses)
Bad ass movie, Bad ass song, Bad ass Band. FIN.

13. Move your dead bones- Dr Re animator(Beyond Re animator)

When you put in a horror film and check the music video in the special features you of course assume they get a middle aged man from Spain to do a dance song with explosions and dancing zombies don't you? I do.

 12. Leatherface- Laaz Rockit(Leatherface:The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3)
Bad ass Thrash about one of the bad assiest badasses. Leatherface Mother FUCKS!!!!!

11. The Monster Squad- The Monster Squad(The Monster Squad)

Stephen King Rules! Everything in this movie rules, This is my childhood without the molestation. Wolfman has Nards!!!

10. Lost in Time- Dwayne Muffia Simon/Daryl big daddy Peirce(Waxwork 2:Lost in time)

Another great rap to another great sequel. 

9. Shocker- Dudes of Wrath(Shocker)

So this guy is named Guy Man Dude. He does look alot like that guy from Kiss but whatever, SO GOOD.

8. Trick or Treat- Fastway(Trick or Treat)

The best rocksploitation film ever made and such an amazing soundtrack. Death to false metal.

7. Tonight(We'll make love until we die)- SSQ(Return of the living Dead)
Trash dances naked to this, and it rules, did I say Trash danced Naked?

7. 5.   Rocky Erickson- Burn the Flames(Return of the living dead) Rocky is and has always been a badass. This song makes me wanna give Gandhi a Clown Frown.

6. Manic Depresso(I'm so happy)- Sykotic Sinfony(Bad Channels)
 This movie is still one of my favorites of the glorious Full Moon days and I used to just watch this part over and over. Checked out some of their other stuff. Not that good. But I would rape a priest if it meant getting this song put in the hall of fame.

5. Killer Klowns- The Dickies(Killer Klowns from Outer Space)

14. Pet Semetary- The Ramones(Pet Semetary)

One of the best punk bands ever. Check. One of the best movies with the boys have a penis kid. Check. You get it.

3. Dream Warriors- Dokken(A Nightmare on elm St 3: Dream Warriors)

Dokken is back for the attack, this time they attack Freddy and it is BADASS! In fourth grade I watched this video at the end of the VHS so many times that it wore out that part of the tape.

1. He's Back(The Man behind the Mask)-Alice Cooper(Friday the 13th 6: Jason Lives)

Alice Cooper before he found God in is Guillotine wrote bad ass music, this time he wrote about the best retard with a machete ever. Nice. 

    Well that is just the surface of horror music. Some of my favorites are represented and everyone should put on the song from Voyage of the Rock Aliens and do a little dance.