Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Rare Exports starts off with Oskar from Let the Right One In and Tim from Near Dark, or at least their long lost cousins spying on the evil Americans who may of just found what they were looking for. Santa. This Santa is pissed. The head honcho gives a list of new safety rules that look like it was made up by Col. Phelps for Barney and Jake to follow. We now jump ahead where all the local hunters are ready to catch them some reindeer. I assume to send to Helper Elmes so Ernest can save Christmas but we will save that for the sequel. There is a problem so they head up to the site to ask some hard questions but shockingly there is no one there so they go eat some ginger bread and wear sweet clothes. Cousin Oskar goes out to take a piss and sees the bait is gone that dangled over dads bad ass wolf trap. Dad goes to see whats in the whole? Whats in the whole? It's obviously Santa Claus and like I said earlier hes pissed. Now the movie really gets going and I dont want to ruin anything else so I will just say Cousin Oskar becomes John McClain and him and all the dads cause some havoc without naked Anne Hathaway.
Rare Exports is a hard one to explain. It is in a world of its own, it is kind of a ridiculous subject matter to attack yet it is played as straight as David Carradines dick when he got food caught in his throat. It is nonstop fun, well acted and like nothing you have ever seen before. The filmmakers threw reality to the hounds and opted for a film that just makes you feel good. Its like Hoosiers but with gutted reindeer, hundreds of naked old men flopping about and ear biting.