Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Couch Cutter Returns As TV Channel

Cult TV Channel Promises Weekly “Horror Con In Your Living Room” For 2015



Atlanta, Georgia – Cult and Horror entertainment from some of the industry’s most creative independent producers and distributors is coming to fans’ televisions, computers, and mobile devices every Wednesday night starting in 2015. Viewers will be able to watch with no fees or charges from virtually anywhere in the world at and on Roku-connected televisions.
Programming will not be offered “on-demand”, instead providing viewers with a weekly dose of full, live late-night broadcasts boasting Feature Films, Shorts, Specials, Marathons, and Series.
“Some of us are ancient enough to remember watching late-night cable in the 80’s and early 90’s: discovering crazy new shows and movies, hanging out with our friends, and building awesome memories together,” said David Anthony, Founder. “It wasn’t just ‘TV’, it was an event. We want to give that back to cult cinema fans in a way that makes sense for the 21st Century.”
Viewers can tweet along using the #couchcutter hashtag, watching live with fans all over the world from virtually any internet connected device. Roku owners can easily connect to almost any television and watch from anywhere: HDTV at a bar or party, a friend’s house, or from the comfort of their own living room.
This “21st century upgrade” also extends to’s innovative business model, in which Filmmakers get paid while giving up almost no rights, Viewers watch at no charge, and Sponsors can afford valuable broadcast airtime.
“We are leveraging the technology available to us in hopes of making a real impact on the lives of Cult, Horror, and Fantasy enthusiasts,” Anthony added. “To bring genre fans joy and fellowship through live broadcast entertainment, provide organizations with a unique and powerful promotional platform, and help independent filmmakers and distributors earn money from their content in an increasingly difficult industry.”
Launched in 2009 as, now provides an international live broadcasting platform for Cult, Horror, and Fantasy fans. In past reincarnations hosted the world premiere of James Bickert’s “Dear God No!” trailer, published the first review to be written of both that film and Astron-6’s “Father’s Day”, co-produced short films with directors Drew Bolduc, Lori Bowen, and Shannon Lark, and invested in projects with Trent Haaga, Ryan Nicholson, and Logan Myers. is owned by Eiphes, LLC, an internet development company established in Douglasville, Ga.

Friday, September 5, 2014

You Big Pussy. You Should Stick To PG-13 Horror: Found- Scott Schirmer

"A horror-obsessed boy discovers his older brother is a serial killer." This is the synopsis taken from IMDB. I usually try and come up with a smart ass, vulgar way to give my own synopsis, but honestly, there is no need. That is really all you need to know, plot wise. What I want to talk about, is why this movie blew me the fuck away.

I am a horror nerd. That is no secret. It has never been a secret. I spent my days as a child, on the playground discussing it. I spent my weekends at the video store, then in my basement watching my daily pickings. I scrounged up change, to buy Fangoria, so I could read about it, then cut out all the pictures and hang them on my wall. I am obsessed. Always have been, always will be.

I am instantly interested when a films character is also a horror nerd. Especially when dealing with a coming of age story. The Monster Squad were my idols. I grew up watching them, and feeling like them. Sure, I never got to hang out with monsters, well at least not the fun kind, but those are different stories. Later in life films like Lightning Bug, or Super 8 touched on this. It is impossible to not relate, and as a somewhat human, it feels good. With that said, it can also derail a story if used improperly. So while excited, I am also hesitant. I honestly didn't know much more than the synopsis when I rented this last night. I had heard some good things, but hadn't really looked into it. It was an impulse rent, and one that I am very happy I succumbed to.

Found is three different films combined into one, for me. It is the coming of age story of Marty. He has to realize that while the movies are fun, in real life. It can loose it's charm. This is all dealt with by showing him dealing with problems at school, church, and home. He is picked on, he has one friend who shares his love of horror, but even that isn't safe when you bring in school politics.

You have the story of his brother, who you see unhinge as you learn of his evil deeds, but also see his humanity, which is something that is lost in a lot of films. He is not a good person, he does atrocious things, but you still feel for him.

The third part would be the films inside the film. They went to great lengths for these to stand out. Sure, there are plenty of references to classics such as Popcorn, The Taint, Video Violence, Street Trash, and countless more, but what really impressed me, was the original films they used to mirror what was going on in the real world. Amazing detail were given to these. Including box art, and even extensive scenes that were shot, to have the boys watch. These are movies I wish existed. They are a gorehounds wet dream.

That leads us into the gore. This is a brilliant film, with a lot to say, but it also is a wet mess of awesome. Tit chopping, necrophilia, and so much more. It is brutal, but fun at the same time. It rips your guts out, and you feel no pain. You are excited. Does that mean there is something wrong with you? Possibly, but who gives a shit. Embrace, that's what I always say, well at least that is what I just said. Seriously though. The effects are some of the best I have seen in quite some time.

The atmosphere is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Within seconds, I was sucked in, and felt like I was a kid headed to the video store again. In fact, there is a scene in a video store, where nothing really happens, but I could not take my eyes off of it. They treat it almost orgasmic, which for any of us horror lovers will know, is not far off from the truth. I believe I got a little wet the first time I saw the case for The Wizard of Gore, or Blood Feast, or countless others.

I hate to over hype a film. I am sure if you look hard enough, you can find some flaws. I was so hooked to what I was seeing, I didn't have time for that. It is going to take an awful lot to knock this out of best horror film of the year for me.



Thirstier Than A Child Molester In Hell: A Look At All Hell Breaks Loose- Jeremy Garner

All Hell Breaks Loose starts off like a typical slasher. A bunch of drunk fornicating kids, sitting around a camp fire, telling local urban legends of psycho killers. Within minutes you are quickly informed that this is not the case. It was if the film itself came out of the TV, and said, "Hey, fuck you! You will find no Cropsey here. This is a brutal biker flick, and the Satan's Sinners will fuck you up." Cool, so it's not a slasher, it's a grindhouse throwback biker flick. Right? Well, not exactly.

After we meet the Satan's Sinners, who are the motorcycle gang from hell, we meet a young married couple headed to Portland. They just got married, and are ready to make it official. See, there has been no sinking of the pink, just yet. That is why these demonic bikers kidnap her, and kill her boo. If there is one thing I have learned over the years, it is that Satan loves virgins, maybe even more then the Scorpions.Luckily for them it's not over yet. A man I assume is God shows up, looking like Macho Man in a white suit, cowboy hat, and sporting a Sam Elliot voice. He resurrects our hero, who is ready to save his girl, and get his revenge. First he needs some help. So he gathers up a sheriff, a masturbating, alcoholic priest, and sets out for his lady.  You guessed it. All Hell is gonna break loose.

The above is a very simplified synopsis. I don't think I can capably put into words the fun, and insanity this flick brings. That doesn't mean I won't try. The thing to get out of your head right away. This is not just another Nu-Grindhouse flick. Sure, it is in some ways, and that doesn't have to be a good or bad thing. It is a potpourri of many genres, which in itself is not really anything new. What it all breaks down to, what matters to me. It is fun as fucking hell. I seriously had a blast watching this. I am a child of the video store generation, and AHBL takes the guts of many of the films that filled the shelves, put's them in a blender, then serves them to your dying mom, while you watch. It's fucked up, and funny at the same time.

It has brutal, exploitative, mean spirited moments that you might find in a film like "Tenenment," while also having the fun care free spirit of a Troma flick. It has some amazing effects. Some brutal gore, sure, but also some straight up nineties straight to video shit, and I mean that as a good thing. Think Full Moon, before they lost their Paramount money. Slimy, oozy, splatterific awesome. There is melting, exploding, and even old fashioned torture.

While definitely being a part of the new grindhouse movement, it doesn't rely on filters, and gimmicks.Sure, they are there in some capacity, but I promise you Robert Rodriguez had nothing to do with this.  I personally have no problem when those things are used, but it was refreshing to see a film that could have been made in the time period it is imitating. When I first turned this on, I expected to have a good time, but I thought I may have to make excuses for it. It's like if you fucked an aging scream queen. You would tell your friends, but you would probably show them her head shot from that film she was in, back in 1987. I assumed I would love this, but would have to pretend it was made in the eighties. Turns out, it's all very confusing. It's more like if you fucked that girl from "Orphan." You show your friends the picture, and they are probably disgusted, and confused. You just have to explain. It doesn't matter the age, or the year. It is timeless, and will look the same in 2014, as it did in 1987, and it is for you to decide if that is right or wrong. Me, I already made my decision.