The Life and Death of a Porno Gang- Mladen Djordjevic

     Serbia, what a happy place to live.  Nothing bad happens there right? I hear Sly is gonna make Rambo  5 there and film a scene where a newborn is shot then they will put a gun in its bullet hole and shoot that shit again. In my dreams I mean.
      A faux documentary that starts off seeming as if its a Serbian version of Tarnation  and ends up a sex hybrid of Greg Araki, John Cameron Mitchell and the director of Mr Hands.  Porno Gang starts off tame and works its way into everything from hardcore sex scenes to brutal murders and suicides.  I could go and explain the parallels between things happening in Serbia and the shock of the film, but I wont.  This movie is disturbing, brutal, intelligent and appalling  all at once and with no apologies.  The performances are very strong and this would not worked as well without them.  One scene involving a war veteran confessing his sins and getting hammer smashed faced is quite moving.  Porno Gang is a roller coaster as it goes from shocking, to moving, to funny to confusing, kinda like watching a handicapped person get raped by their special ed teacher. 
 

4/5

Tromeric       

30 Day Horror Challenge day 19

     The powers of hell and satanism.  Sweet. I do love me some Satan.  The thing about movies involving Satan, a lot of times they are bullshit and turn out recockulous.   A few examples of classic satanic films would be of course The Exorcist, The Devils, Hellraiser and Little Nicky. OK I may be full of shit with that last one.  The Underground has brought us some interesting entries with the likes of Jim Van Bebbers My Sweet Satan or Kenneth Angers Lucifer Rising or the Mexican classic Alucarda which is almost what I went with for this.  The eighties brought us some great ones with Night of the Demons but when all is said and done I had to go with one of my favorites, maybe not the best film ever made, but I can't help but love it.....

     I have said it many times but I loved Mike Mendez. I think he is one of the most underrated directors in the genre.  The Convent is an hour and a half of Satanists, Coolio, possession, Adrianne Barbeau and as the trailer says Nuns, Guns, and Gasoline.  How can you go wrong with that. Well you can't.

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 18

     Foreign horror. Wow this does not really narrow down much for me.  I have been watching horror films since I was dick high, and I mean John Holmes dick so pretty god damn young.  I had to start venturing into foreign horror just to find new things and have found many films over the years I love.  Japan has some amazing films, dating back to the 70's with Hausu and into the more modern years with Takashi Miike taking off in the late ninety's when he brought us Audition which is one of my favorite films of all time, not to mention Visitor Q, Ichi the Killer, Happiness of the Katakuris and countless more.  There of course are the Japanese ghost films which were amazing in the beginning but they beat over the head like the guys in three guys one hammer.  Then more modern day they have pumped out some pretty memorable mutant splatter films with the likes of Tokyo Gore Police and Machine Girl.  You of course can't forget about Italy with Argento, Bava, and Fulci among a group of other filmmakers that changed horror. Canada brought us Subconscious Cruelty while the french brought some fresh titles starting with the Gasper Noe films to Haute Tension to the more modern day Martyrs and Inside.  Let the Right One in has instantly become one of my favorites while Korea brought us Chan Wook-Park and I Saw the Devil.  That brings us to Serbia.  They brought us Life and Death of a Porno Gang and.....

      A Serbian Film will be remembered from her to eternity mostly for once scene but there is a lot more going on in this.  It is a test to embrace this film and most people that even have the courage to watch it once will never return to it. I have watched it numerous times now and while a lot of its appeal is the shock there is definitely something more going on here. The acting is fucking brilliant and it is a beautifully shot film. The music is just wow and it sticks with you.  Very few films have hit me the way this one did and for that I have to acknowledge it.


Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 17

     Remakes.  Overall a bunch of shit.  Of course there have been some greats. The Thing, Last house on the Left, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Cape Fear.  These are all so good I don't feel the need to talk about them. Some of the new ones have been sweet, The Hills have Eyes, My Bloody Valentine and a few others.  One stands out for me and that is......

     I know a lot of people did not enjoy this as much as I did but with the cast. Wow.  Crispin Glover is a God, I will watch anything he does. I had the pleasure of meeting him at a screening of his film It is Fine and he was one of the nicest most interesting people I have met, not to mention the movie was amazing.  Seriously though. I love H.G. Lewis but I thought this was a great homage to the source material while sprucing it up and almost turning it into a noir film.  The gore in it is amazing which is important with a name like Wizard of Gore.  I am really drunk, went to a show and just returned and have to be up for work in five hours so that is about all I can muster up on the subject, but what else do you need?

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 16

     Childhood theme horror.  This is a tricky subject.  There are many ways you can take this. I am guessing for the most part people are gonna jump right to The Monster Squad which is quite alright with me.  I fucking love that movie.  It pretty much captures what its like to grow up a horror nerd, unfortunately for me the part about meeting all the monsters never happened to me but god damn I wish it would of. Child's Play is another great example and one of my favorites The Gate.  When all is said and done I knew right from the start where I was going and I am sure I will get a lot of flack for it but luckily for me I just don't give a fuck. 

      I am a child of Ernest. I don't mean he fucked my mom but god damn I wish he would of.  I would of been way cooler if Ernest was my dad and that's saying a lot because I am pretty bad ass already. I mean I grew up watching all the Ernest films and TV shows.  Sure this isn't a straight horror film but when I was a kid that troll scared the shit out of me, literally I was just dumping buckets of Jolt soda out my ass. The Chiodo Brothers of Killer Klown fame crafted one gross ass scary mother fucking troll, and it may just be me but When I watched the new Troll Hunter trailer I think those Norwegians grew up with Ernest as well. The intro starts off and right away all my nerdgasms begin, I mean Ernest with Nosferatu. Shit yeah, and last but not least the music. I always get that theme stuck in my head.  I have had many days where my drunk ass just puts that song on repeat on my I tunes and I'm in Heaven. 

Tromeric

Mutant Girls Squad- Noboru Iguchi, Yoshihiro Nishimur, Tak Sakaguchi

     It's like X-Men with hot Asian girls who have chainsaws coming out of their asses and Belial looking faces in their stomachs and way less emo because its a bunch of girls instead of cyclops.
     This is the best of the Japanese Mutant movies.  I have enjoyed the majority of these but the choreography in this and the gore are top notch.  The pacing is the other thing, aside from a couple slow moments this just keeps flowing like Carrie White in the shower.  The girls are so sexy and fuck shit up.  One has a techno Freddy glove, one the arms of a squid and one is basically Black Swan.  Their Leader is a metro sexual who turns into a giant beast with huge tits and cleaver hands. Dead Alive anyone?  The battles are all super fucking bad ass and full of gore and fun. There is  a Visitor Q moment and they ride the I have no legs dude from Kids as if hes the magic carpet from Aladdin if powered by The Rocketeer.
     I do have one request Japan.  Stop it. You have been pumping out these mutant films at a ridiculous rate and I don't want to see it become like the creepy black haired kids movies you drove into the ground like the guy from that The Bridge movie.  Stop while your ahead this was a high note to end on and I don't ever wanna say "I hate those movies where the hot Japanese babe kill, get naked and shoot shit out their vaginas."  I would forever hate myself and it will be your fault.

4/5

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 15

     Serial Killers.  Since I can remember I have loved reading about serial killers.  I would always go right to the true crime section in the library or used book store when I was a wee little lad.  This of course continued in my love for film.  There have been some great ones such as Henry:Portrait of a serial killer which is almost what I went with or Monster which I loved.  Ed Gein of course has been used many times in everything from Deranged to Ed and his Dead Mother not to mention the two movies just called Ed Gein. Just to note I enjoyed all of these except the newest one where I am suppose to believe that Kane Hodder is Ed Gein. The thing is for the most part I like all of the Serial Killer films.  Even shit like the made for TV BTK movie, totally dug it. Basically as long as Uli Lommel had nothing to do with it I will probably at least enjoy it for what it is. There is one movie that stands up above and beyond all of these those and that of course is what I went with.

     I had been reading about this for years thanks to people like Chas Balun, it was known as Charlies Family and I wanted to see it so bad. There were bootlegs you could find but I just never had any luck.  Eventually I heard Jim Van Bebber was going to film some more footage even though it had been like 15 years or something and re-cut it and put it out. I was stoked. I went and picked it up the day it was released took it home and had my mind blown.  It was so raw and vulgar and beautiful all at the same time.  Since it had been so long the interviews with the family where believable as they had aged quite a bit.  It plays out like a faux documentary with flashbacks and has a No holds barred attitude that would make Hulk Hogan jealous.


Troemric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 14

     Day 14.  The zombie film, for this to whoever created this I say....Fuck You!  Seriously, there are so many god damn zombie movies, granted a big chunk of them are about as sweet as the maggots crawling out of my dead dads asshole but there are many that rule my balls.  When I started thinking about this right away so many came flooding into my mind, it was like Katrina all over again.  The purist in me was like well shit gotta go with Romero, everyone has their favorite and for me its Day hands down.  The gore and the isolation not to mention Bub who owns super hard. Then I thought of Dellamorte Dellamore.  I fucking love that movie, then all the horror comedy's came rushing into my brain like that line I did off that dead hookers ass earlier. Shaun of the Dead, Dance of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead.  Then I started thinking more obscure Jean Rollin brought us The Grapes of Death and Zombie Lake. When all was said and done though I only had one answer....

     Lucio Fulci AKA God.  When I think of a zombie movie that makes my shit rock hard there is one choice.   Did you see that zombie fighting that shark?  Yeah I just shot the biggest load out my dick.  Yeah that bitch just got splintered in the eye in slo mo.  I got in a sweet argument with my mom about this scene years ago.  She was mad because she was trying to sleep and kept waking up to a woman screaming. I told her "you would scream too if you were getting your eye gouged out in slow motion."  I still think this is a valid argument.  This is a little bit of a slow starter but once it does it keeps on going.  Its like the underdog in the special Olympics, you cant stop that.  The music will forever be ingrained in my brain and all the gore and zombies are so fucking awesome.  When I want  a zombie flick my brain always goes to this first.  

Tromeric

Red to Kill- Hin Sing 'Billy' Tang

     Did you see that guys neck? Holy shit. A category three classic full of kids exploding on impact, rape, the most offensive portrayal of the mentally handicapped this side of  Handyman.
     So a dude and his brother are sitting while his mom is whoring it up his dad comes in and is gonna cleaver the dude when the mom straight fucks him up. The blood hits said kid in the face.  The kids start crying because they are pussies so the mom cleavers the brother and his blood hits him in the face.  Now she is going for him when she slips and pulls a Where the Red Fern Grows and her blood sprays him bukakke style. She was of course wearing a red nighty during this commotion so the kid get some weird hatred of red.  Jump ahead 20 years or so and any girl wearing red makes him want to kill and fuck, in that order.  It doesn't matter if they are twelve or tarded he will killfuck them. You see plenty of sick shit in this and you haven't lived till you have seen a mentally handicap girl scrub and shave her pussy violently while screaming "dirty" over and over again.   I will stop there as I don't want to ruin it?
      This movie is kinda ahead of its time when you think about Serbian Film and the reactions it caused, granted no babies are fucked to death in this but the pure insanity, disgustingly brutal rape scenes that are filmed in such an erotic way its confusing and the complete lack of taste when dealing with the mentally handicapped. If you are a sick fuck and want to see some insane shit with a villain that is actually  terrifying but some of the scenes are so over the top you cant quite take it serious watch this.  If you have any morals at all I wouldn't recommend it, but hey if you have morals what the fuck are you doing reading this? 


3.5/5

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 13

     Day thirteen which is the best day as we are not doing the 666 day horror challenge.  Today we attack the horror comedy.  One of the harder genres to nail as everything has to be weighed out just right or it just doesn't work.  I can't count how many times horror comedy's end up not working as the balance is so tricky.  However there have been some great entries into the genre.  Shaun of the Dead is great and although its high on my list it didn't quite make the cut.  I may be one of the few but I love Club Dread but again not today.  When I think about horror comedy for my money(which isn't much after I return from the liquor store) you can't beat Joe Dante and most importantly.....

    The Burbs is a classic and is played like a who the fuck are my crazy neighbors film should be.  I never get sick of this Tom Hanks in by far his best role(wheres the Oscar for this fascists?) and all the suporting cast is amazing.  Corey Feldman, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Brother Theodore, Dick Miller, Courtney Malachai Gains and so many more.  This is a movie that no matter how pissed or sad or drunk I am I can put in and will have uncontrollable laughing fits.  Not to mention there is a surprising amount of tension trying to figure out just how fucked up the neighbors are. 


Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 12

      Day 12.  The occult. Oh I love the occult. Had to go with a movie that I loved even though it is relatively new.   I however just worked a double and dont have the energy to come up with anything to say about it so I will just link to my drunken review I did for it when I first saw it. So here You go.

Tromeric

Top 10 of 2000

    How can you not think of Harrison Ford doing a sketch on Conan when you talk about the year 2000.  The world didn't end as many thought it would.  Florida shows the country that it really can't count and Jack Lemmon became a grumpy old man and one of the saddest days in history when we lost Ernest P. Worrell himself Mr Jim Varney. Now onto the movies. 2000 was a weird year.  Some goodies but shoved between a lot of garbage.  Here we go.


    10.Wild Zero- iTetsuro Takeuchi  

So bad ass.  Guitar Wolf killing, rocking, combing their hair and just being awesome.  There is a drinking game on the DVD where you drink anytime they say rock and roll, someone combs their hair of something gets lit on fire.  I almost died. 

9.  Final Destination- James Wong

Had no interest in seeing this. Once I did was pleasantly surprised. Not perfect by any means but the deaths where so fucking fun it was refreshing after such bullshit as I saw what you did last summer and other such shit.

8. Shadow of the Vampire- E. Elias Merhige

Willem Dafoe is always great but this is one of his highlights.  The director of Begotten shows his stuff in this historical horror awesome show. Never get sick of this.

7.  Ed Gein- Chuck Parello
Many films have been made about Ed, some just loosely(IE TCM or Psycho), some more accurate like this, Derranged or the bullshit one with Kane Hodder play Mr Gein and of course the classic, Ed and his dead mother with Steve Buscemi.  Steve Railsbeck play this perfect and I always enjoy revisiting this like Mr Gein liked to revisit his moms body(with semen).

6.  Requiem for a Dream- Darren Aronofsky
Some people may argue the validity of this being  a horror film.  Well for that I say "FUCK YOU"  This movie makes me cower in the corner like a little girl about to meet her daddy's belt. The look on Jennifer Connelly's face at the end makes me sick to my stomach. 

5. Battle Royale- Kinji Fukasaku
Today I killed my best friend. That line alone made me fall in love with this.  So fucking good.  Brutal, intense and just fucking awesome.  Lets do this.

4. Uzumaki- Higuchinsky
The first time I watched this I was so stoked. I hadn't seen to much like it. The visuals in this are mesmerizing and it has the worlds best screen fade ever.  I did a triple feature with this, Begotten, and Eraserhead one night and my mind almost blew up and spiraled into the sky.

3.  Ginger Snaps- John Fawcett

Having your period is like turning into a werewolf. Awesome.

2.  The Convent- Mike Mendez

This movie...wow.  Nuns, Guns and Gasoline.  Mike Mendez has yet to let me down.  Coolio and Bill Mosley as cops. Seeing Jesus on shrooms, and nuns killing the fuck out of people.  Love it.

1.  Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger 4- Lloyd Kaufman

The first Toxic Avenger was a huge part of my childhood.  The two sequels were entertaining but lackluster at best. Then this came along and blew my mind like your mom blew my cock.  Hard.  So inappropriate and hilarious.  Toxie 5 is gonna own.








Well the year 2000 was kinda all over the place.  Next we move into the 90's.  Maybe the dream was alive in Portland but in the horror world it got a little awful. See what I find to be the best films in the worst decade of cinema.


Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 11

Day eleven brings us to sci-fi horror.  I had to think about this one a lot. I love Alien but not quite as much as many people out there. Aliens is sweet but I wish Paul Reiser would get raped in the face I hate him so much so it kinda ruins it for me. Tetsuo is amazing and I almost went with Predator as well its amazing. When all is said and done though there was only one choice. And that choice was....
     Hardware has it all for me. The atmosphere draws me in ass soon as I put it in and the music is so good. I get that shit stuck in my head and it wont go away.  Cameos from Iggy and Lemmy.  The effects are so slimy and gooey and well I just fucking love it. If you haven't seen this you are missing out.

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 10

Psychological Horror. So many ways you could go for this. I however have one choice and don't even feel the need to explain it.

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 9

     Day nine.  Grindhouse/Exploitation.  Lots of movies I could go with here as it is such a massive term but right away I knew where I was going.  When I think of exploitation I think of sick, vile, offensive and unforgiving.  Well I'm no mathlete but from what I can tell that equals the one that goes all the way. I am of course talking about.  

    This movie is repulsive.  You wanna talk about exploitative?   They exploited the grandaddy of all tortoises insides atop a bunch of natives who were probably getting paid in bark.  I am not glad about this. It sucks. With that said I fucking love this movie.  The music is one of the best things I have ever heard and watching a girl get rocked in the clam with such beautiful music is so off putting  that it circles back to beautiful. 

Tromeric