Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Friday, February 21, 2014

Ass To Mouth With Kimmy Gibbler: A Look At Atom The Amazing Zombie Killer- Zack Beins/Richard Taylor

Atom is just your everyday horror nerd. He loves zombies, horror, kicking it with his friends, and bowling. He has a girlfriend who loves to fuck, but doesn't appreciate any of his passions. She thinks his friends are useless, that his life is lacking purpose, and wants nothing to do with zombies, or horror of any kind. She is a horror hating whore basically. After Atom is kicked out of the bowling league thanks to those asshole slashers, his girl convinces him to skip movie night with the boys to go to some bullshit ass shit RomCom. He uses some tomfoolery to get her into the new zombie film. She is not amused. She pukes, he motorboats it. It's not enough. She leaves him for Dario. What is he to do now? Save the world from the zombie apocalypse? That is, if there is a zombie apocalypse. We will take a journey in and out of reality with Atom to find out what the true threat is.

Within seconds of popping this bitch in, I felt like I had taken a time machine back to my childhood. Sitting in my bedroom, watching the VHS I had rented. Or even recording it off of "USA Up All Night."
Atom the Amazing Zombie Killer is reminiscent of  many of the Troma films I grew up on. It is in your face with obscenities, disgusting sound effects, gore gags, references, taglines, puns, and hilarity.

The acting is the fun kind of bad. Not trying to hard out of nervousness, but trying to hard, because it's fun. The costumes and set design are often used as a punchline, and they aren't just tongue in cheek with the dialogue. They take their tongue, and forcibly shove it down your throat, until it comes out of your asshole, and sneaks up on your friend. It then starts giving your friend the best rim job they have ever had. They look satisfied, but ashamed. You may be worried, but you will quickly realize that shame is easy to get over, and you and your friend are having the time of your life. I may have gotten a bit off track. Basically I am saying this movie is pretty funny, and share a rimmy with your friend.

This is a film for people who enjoy taking low brow, and finding a way to stomp it into the ground. It has a ton of heart, sure when you poke the heart with a stake it oozes fecal matter, but it still has heart. It wasn't made to change the world. It wasn't made to win an Oscar. It was made because some dudes love horror, and wanted to share that love with the world. They wanted to have a good time making a film, and in turn you will have a good time watching it.  It is gross, fun, hilarious, slimy, oozy, ridiculous, and more over the top than a semi truck in an arm wrestling match.



Friday, February 14, 2014

This Is So Not Good: Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark- Emile Edwin Smith

Another shark movie. Didn't see that coming. The Asylum unleash more beasts onto the small screen. This time one of them happens to be made of metal, and will not be used for chum.

The megalodon is back. This time it is tearing up Australia. Good thing there is a married couple driving a metal shark. They are accompanied by Nero, an operating system with a little more control than probably necessary. They don't take kindly to megalodons, and spend like an hour trying to destroy it. Unfortunately they have no luck. The good news! Debbie Gibson took a  break from masquerading with the Circle Jerks to do some science. With the help of a couple beakers and a computer, she finds out the shark just really wants to bust a nut. He has some massive build up of shark sperm, and it is making him see red. The only cure. Find a sexy shark, bang, and fill the sea with BP levels of goo. They decide to use the metal shark as their own personal black widow. It plays out like an episode of Loony Toons where Bugs dresses up like a lady to arouse Elmer Fudd long enough to end him.

As has been stated many times. When it comes to these giant creature films. You already know what you think. They are not high art, and never were meant to be. If you enjoy the shenanigans of video game sharks and hilarious one liners, this is for you. If you prefer something original and well thought out, probably want to skip this one. If you want to let all your reservations go, turn off your brain, and put yourself in an entertaining coma, can I recommend Mega Shark vs ............



Knights Of Badassdom- Joe Lynch

I was finally able to head out and see a film I have been hearing about for a couple years now. It, like many films before, and most assuredly many after, was lost in developmental hell for a while, and in the end came out without the full blessing or participation of the director.

I would say I am a Joe Lynch fan, yet I really haven't loved any of his movies. "Wrong Turn 2- Dead End" had some amazing gore, and a cartoonish(in a good way)  feel, but overall it did nothing for me. "Chillerama" had some fun moments, but as a whole was not on any of my top lists. In fact, Lynch's was easily my least favorite part of the anthology. Even though I haven't necessarily loved these. I still enjoyed them, and appreciate the passion that is present. Personally, "Holliston" is where most of my Lynch love comes from. It takes the nostalgia I have for shitty eighties sitcoms, and fills it with horror references, and Gwar. 

Most have heard that this was taken away from Lynch,
and cut down to help make it more "accessible." This of course bums me out, as it does anytime a director isn't given final cut, or is generally fucked with by the suits. With that said, I am basing my opinion of the cut I saw. I would love to see Lynch's vision hit the public sometime, but until it does, this is what we have.

Knights starts off with a pretty standard premise. Dude loses girl, so he goes back to having fun with his friends.  In this story fun is drugs and Larping. Joe(Ryan Kwanten), who is our protagonist for this journey used to be an epic Dungeon and Dragons player, but hasn't been paying much attention to it lately. He found a new dragon to chase, its name is vagina. Sure he still lives with his friends in a castle, works with Brian Posehn, and plays in a doom metal band(I think he may be slightly confused on the term), but overall he has given up a good chunk of his life for a warm place to hide his dragon. Now that he is single though, he agrees to head out to an epic battle. While there, his friends accidentally unleash a real life succubus. They now must stop the bitch.

To say this is a perfect film would be insane, granted I am insane, but not completely. It feels rushed, some of the pacing is a bit off, and some of the jokes fall flat. To say this is a horrible film is also insane. I laughed my ass off. As mentioned, not all of the jokes work, but many do, and well.

The effects are overall pretty fucking solid. Mostly practical, and full of fun deaths. There is a creature at the end that had me standing up and cheering. I am talking punching the air excited. Granted the entire last act had me punching like a mother fucker. I felt like I was watching an eighties live action interpretation of Metalocalypse.

The cast is great, and all seem to take their roles the right amount of serious. Peter Dinklage is on top oh is game. Hilarious, badass, and tripping balls. Summer Glau is sexy and believable, while still being pretty badass. Ryan Kwanten and Steve Zahn fit well in the leading roles, while Danny Pudi and Jimmi Simpson support the shit out of everyone. A few cameos in there as well that I will leave unmentioned for your enjoyment.

I hope someday we get to see the intended version of this, but until then. There is no need to not fill your stein with grog, your pipe with herb, and your stomach with shit grown fungus, while spending eighty minutes slaying dragons and falling in love with battle damaged Summer Glau.



Monday, February 10, 2014

Fantasm- Kyle Kuchta

I remember back in the eighties and nineties, I would read through Fangoria and constantly see adds for conventions. It blew my mind. The thought of meeting Freddy, Jason, The Tall Man. I would have killed at least seven orphans to make it to one. The thing is, I was in Washington, and most the conventions seemed to be East Coast. There were occasionally one in California, but for a ten year old that was about a days worth of driving I couldn't pull off. I dreamed of the day I could finally hit one of these beasts. I made it to few smaller comicons, and even went to Twin Peaks fest five years in a row, which was amazing, don't get me wrong, but I longed for a real horror con. Just thinking about it had the same effect that seeing Phoebe Cates in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" had. Lots of boners, if you didn't catch where I was going.

Jump ahead to the new millennium. I heard about Crypticon Seattle. A full fledged horror convention coming to Seattle. I was living about a hundred and fifty miles away at the time, but knew I had to make the trip. My mind was blown. So many people in one room, talking horror, selling horror, and hanging out with so many people I had only known through films until that point. My life was different for the better.

We now get to Fantasm, finally. Kyle Kuchta sets out on a journey to a handful of horror conventions. Interviewing celebrities, vendors, and fans. Most of the time all are one in the same. He digs into why they are such a hit?, if the popularity will ever go away?, and most importantly, why everyone loves them so much?

The interviews stay interesting throughout, spliced with him explaining his love, and why he set out on such a project. I found myself intrigued the whole time, never bored, but just wanting more.  My biggest complaint would be that the run time is under an hour. With that said, I also appreciate it not being overkill. Many filmmakers are so afraid to cut things, that it becomes less entertaining,and more of a chore to finish. I guess what I am saying is that a short run time is not always a bad thing. I am looking at you "Terror Toons."

If you have ever been, or just wanted to attend a horror convention, I can't recommend this enough. Kuchta has captured the feeling you get from a convention and locked it onto celluloid. I can't thank him enough for this.

"Fantasm" is playing at select film fests and conventions now. You can also watch it for free this month(2/14) online as part of the New Hollywood Online Film Festival.


- Tromeric