The Simpsons: Tree House of Horror a Retrospective

 

     Being thirty one and growing up I am sure it goes without saying The Simpsons played an integral part in my growing up. Since I also was a huge horror nerd and spent more time on the playground talking about Chucky and Freddy than I did about about poontang and the Halloween special was something I looked forward to more than finally blowing a load(seriously it was like three years of dick chafe) after jerkin my gerkin. I loved all the references to Dracula and Clockwork Orange and plenty that at the time I didn't get. Seeing Bart as the raven was amazing as I was a huge Poe fan and every year there I would eat my candy and laugh my god damn ass off. This of course continued into High School and beyond. There was a few years I would say fifteen to nineteen that I didn't have TV and to be honest had grown tired of The Simpsons. Since then I have went back and watched all of them and for the most part love most. My biggest complaint would be the Mr and Mrs Smith one. Wow, who gives a shit? That movie wasn't horror and lasted about five minutes in the spot light. 

    I have been wanting to sit down and watch all of them back to back for a while now but just never found the time to do it. I knew it would be fun, I also knew it would be painful. I have learned over the years that all marathons get hard no matter how good the subject is. I am not talking double features I am talking balls to the wall marathons. I have done everything from A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Halloween, Saw, Puppet Master, Children of the Corn, Tremors and Critters. Over at the Badnetflix Crew   I am known as captain of the endurance division. The grog does help but by the end of any of these marathons I am tired, drunk, irritable and question my sanity. That of course doesn't stop me and I will always to them as Pinhead would agree pain is pleasure.  Well the time came and I saw an opportunity so I took it. Steph Infection was here and Gabe Nye the Science guy was gonna come join in.

Do you know what the fuck that means? I don't.

I had booze, and snacks and monster cereals. It was go time.  As I watched each episode and got more affected by the grog my notes got more confusing and nonsensical, but at the same time I think they portray what I was feeling pretty well. Here is a actual episode guide if you want to see where I am coming from but I would just like to share with you my madness.       My handwriting has always been considered a form of abstract art but after two fifths even I don't understand everything. I will use a secret decoder ring I got in my box of Fruit Brute(I wish) to desipher what is happening and you may have to put yourself in my world to grasp what is going on. Are you ready for this challenge? If so here are my drunk observations on every episode of Tree House of Horror(which as I found out was not called that till episode thirteen). Enjoy?

Episode One 

Haunted house story
When a Stranger Calls reference

Poltergeist reference

Aliens Rule, kind of a Hansel and Gretel in space

Edgar Allen Poe

Bart's a Raven

Episode Two

Bride of Frankenstein Hair

Monkeys Paw

Twilight Zone

Frankenstein meets Robowar

Thing with two Heads

Episode Three

Alfred Hitchcock Presents

Alex from Clockwork Bart

Gremlins meets Trilogy of Terror

King Kong

Smithers doesn't think girls and seaman mix

Night of the Living Dead meets Return of the Living Dead meets Serpent and the Rainbow

Episode Four

Night Gallery  Opening 

The Devil and Homer Simpson= The Devil and Miss Jones

Devil Flanders

Hot Dog Jokes

Terror at five and a half feet(Wheres Shatner?)

Burns as Dracula

Lost Boys

Charlie Brown Christmas

Adams Family Simpsons song

Episode Five

Outer Limits intro

Shining like a mother fucker

Freddy/Jason/Pinhead/Frankie/Mummy

Ray Bradbury's Sound of Thunder

Episode Six

Sleepy Hollow

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman

Godzilla Roar

Nightmare on Elm Street references like a mother fucker

Episode Seven

Innerspace?

Twilight Zone of course

Earth vs The Flying Saucers

Episode Eight

Omega Man- Obviously. I am as drunk as Hasslehoff and I got that.

The Fly

Spy vs Spy

Origins of Halloween

The Crucible meets Witches of Eastwick

Episode Nine 

Freddy and Jason on couch gag

Stay Tuned?

Starship Troopers

How Stella got her Groove Back reference

Jerry Springer in his hay day

Episode Ten

I know what you did last Summer

Weekend at Bernies 

Xena

Sixties Batman

Pauly Shore and Tom Arnold

Rossie O Donnell not in S & M

Episode Eleven

Munsters Intro

Ghost Dad title

This episode was Casey Anthony's inspiration

Fairy Tales without Linea Quigley

Free Willy fucked Echo the Dolphin

Jaws reference with less bush

Deep Blue Sea but more white

Dolphins are Indians

Sea=Casinos

The Birds reference

Quote of the day "I wanna punch a dolphin so bad." - Gabe Nye the Science Guy

Episode Twelve

Psycho House

Flinstones and Shining twins costumes

Thinner without road head

Bart is like those African lady's I used to jerk off to in National Geographic

2001 reference

Harry Potter

Episode  Thirteen

Officially becomes Tree House of Horror

Multiplicity

Dr Strangelove to save the day

Apocalypse Now FTW

Island of Dr Moreau

Episode Fourteen

Charlie Brown opening

Benny Hill

Reefer Madness title

Frankenstein

Staying Alive Walk=less retarded than Spider-Man 3

Jerry Lewis

Superman vs Patty Hearst=Amazing

Fantastic reference

Episode Fifteen

Perfect Strangers intro

Dead Zone(I use to have Dead Zone powers)

Homer is Lex in Smallville

Jack the Ripper

Sherlock without dinosaurs

Fantastic Voyage

Episode Sixteen

13 Ghosts fucked The Most Dangerous Game

Edward Scissorhands reference

A.I. is a douche

Like that episode of Buffy where her mom fucks Giles

Bewitched reference

Sports jokes make as much sense to me as reality does to religious nutzos

Episode Seventeen

Tales from the mother fucking Crypt opening

The Blob without the less Dillon(who I like better)

Homers stomach is like that bitch from the new Twilight trailer

Sir Mix a Lot song upgraded

DER GOLEM

Day the Earth stood Still

Episode Eighteen

Kenny Loggins Jewish Space Creature

ET

One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest

Fuck you Mr and Mrs Smith

Ramones!!!!

Hell House-Christian Scare doc reference

Devil Flanders 2: Electric Boogaloo

Transformers reference

Episode Nineteen

Transformers

Foosball for real

Madmen

Prince is deadaroo

John Wayne in Heaven

Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

Episode Twenty

Monster Squad sports heroes

Heath Ledger without pill popping action

Dial M for Murder

Hitchcockapalooza

Hitch Cameo

28 Days Later

McBain meets Terminator

Phantom of the Opera

Random musical bullshit

Episode Twenty One

Office intro with monsters

Satan=Awesome

Board Games come to life= Told the future IE Battleship

Titanic reference

Dead Calm is pretty sweet

Second Clockwork costume

Twilight Simpsons>Twighlight

Jock from Can't Hardly Wait is Dracula?

I wanna hang out with Count Chocula, Dracula, Grandpa Munster, Elvira, Blacula, and the Muppet Drac

Well I spent my whole day watching this and hope that someone out there can figure out what the fuck I am saying. I don't know. 

Tromeric

Netflix bad movie marathon part 2: Texas Blood Money

This Saturday! Netflix Instant Bad Movie Marathon Returns…

Mr. Gable’s Reality. Morbidementia. She Blogged By Night. Vincent’s Handmade Art. Guts and Grog Reviews. 365 Horror Movie. Mrs. Gable. Krell Laboratories. Three Black Geeks. Life Between Frames.


WE’RE BACK BABY!! FOR
THE
Mega Awesome Ultra Crazy Always Amazing
NETFLIX INSTANT BAD MOVIE MARATHON!
(Part 2: Texas Blood Money)
Saturday July 16th, 2011 starting at 8:30e/7:30c/6:30m/5:30p

A History of Texas Blood Money
Why the tagline Texas Blood Money? This all boils down to one man… Mr Gable’s friend CG. Once upon a time they were ripping on movies and it was decided that all part 2’s need to have the tagline Texas Blood Money. Why? Because it’s fucking awesome, that’s why. So to this day Mr Gable continues the TBM tradition with every part 2 that he does. Why? Because it’s fucking awesome.
What is the Netflix Instant Bad Movie Marathon?
Over a month ago we had our first ever Bad Movie Night on Twitter. We chose 3 movies available on Netflix Instant that we deemed bad enough to be awesome. Then we watched them and ripped on them MST3K style via Twitter. Also, we drank pretty heavily and misspelled words constantly. But we had so much fun that we’re doing it AGAIN! Last time we were able to rope in a few people into doing this with us, let’s try to get a few more!
What can you do?
JOIN US! Get on Twitter, Fire up your Netflix Instant machines (if you’re watching on your computer you’ll have to download a plugin FYI), find a comfortable spot and rip these movies to shreds with us! Why? BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT! Just be sure to post your Twitter handles in the comments section or seek us out on Twitter and let us know you’re in on the fun. (On Twitter you can add people to a list, that way you don’t have to follow on your regular newsfeed, you can just pick it up on the list. Also, we will be using the hashtag #badnetflix. It worked really well last time and anyone that sees our posts will be able to pull up that hashtag and see what everyone else is doing as well!
But let’s say you are a Twitter Hater. You find the thought of Twitter repulsive. Then PLEASE do this through any other means you think you can reach people worldwide! Have an active blog, update via facebook, throw a party on xbox, Skype it! Whatever you want to do, just whatever you do PLEASE let us know so we can follow along! And also keep locked onto our Twitter feeds to keep up to the minute with the world’s greatest bad movie commentary! (MST3K aside of course.)
By all means, make it your own. Maybe doodle pictures while you’re watching it, record yourself hating yourself for watching these movies, whatever you want to do!
Where can you find us?
Mr. Gable – @mrgablesreality
Mrs. Gable – @MrsGable1
Tromeric (Guts and Grog Reviews) – @Tromeric
Vincent’s Handmade Art – @vinstem
Scary Larry (Morbidementia) – @morbidementia
Stacia (She Blogged By Night) – @glitterninja
365 Horror Movie – @365HorrorMovie
Doctor Morbius(Krell Laboratories) - @doctor_morbius 
3BG- @3blackgeeks
chcircus(Life Between Frames)-@chcircus

and hopefully you!!!!!


What are we watching?
The Order of the Black Eagle

1987 – 93 minutes – Rated R
Directed by Worth Keeter (Director of A LOT of Power Ranger episodes)
IMDb Rating: 3.5/10 stars
Synopsis: In this outlandish spy-film send-up, James Bond wannabe Duncan Jax (Ian Hunter) and his tank-driving baboon infiltrate a South American lair where a group of Nazis scheme to revive a cryogenically frozen Adolf Hitler. Armed with high-tech gadgets and joined by sizzling hot lady agents, Jax turns his mission into a wildly explosive crusade against the fascist baddies. Worth Keeter directs this over-the-top action flick.
NOTES: There is NOTHING to hate about that synopsis.
Mafia vs Ninja

1985 – 91 minutes – Not Rated
Directed by Robert Tai (Director of A LOT of Kung Fu movies)
IMDb Rating: 6.0/10 stars
Synopsis: Mafia hit men and Shanghai’s fiercest ninjas mix it up in this action-packed martial arts film. After refusing to pay protection money to a violent group of gangsters, buddies Jack Do and Charlie Woo join an opposing mafia gang. When their boss, Mr. Chung, is killed by the rival gang, Jack and Charlie vow revenge and find themselves in an all-out war against ninjas and mercenaries. Alexander Lou and Silvio Azzolini star.
NOTES: This is the main event right here. I’ve watched about 30 seconds of it and had to shut if off because my face hurt from smiling. THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME.
Trespassers

2005 – 82 minutes – Not Rated
Directed by Ian McCrudden (Director of NOTHING.)
IMDb Rating: 4.0/10 stars
Synopsis: Looking to ride some killer waves and party hearty, Colin (Kaiwi Lyman) and his surfing buddies head for a secluded beach south of the border. But when the teens take a back-roads shortcut, they get hopelessly lost and end up at an abandoned campsite strewn with carnage. The hapless vacationers soon discover that they’ve stumbled onto evil terrain in this fast-paced horror flick directed by Ian McCrudden.
NOTES: Finally, some fucking TITS! That’s the only reason its here. That and it’s a perfect movie to NOT pay attention to after 3 and a half hours of drinking.
What time should you tune in?
The Order of the Black Eagle – 93 min – 8:30e/7:30c/6:30m/5:30p
*15 min break*
Mafia vs Ninja – 91 min – 10:20e/9:20c/8:20m/7:20p
*15 min break*
Trespassers – 82 min – 12:10e(am)/11:10c/10:10m/9:10p
Last words
Thank you to all who participated in last month’s Netflix Instant Bad Movie Marathon and thank you to all of you that will be participating this time! We are thinking about doing this once a month (our schedules permitting) because it’s just so cool to not only watch these movies and make fun of them but to watch movies with people who live IN ANOTHER PART OF THE WORLD.
And you don’t have to suffer alone.

(this was mostly(pretty much all) stolen from Mr. Gable and Morbidementia as I was lazy)

Mr. Gable and I did a little pre-funk with Captured a movie staring Wishmaster himself tonight to get warmed up, I am very excited as the last one was insanely fun. JOIN USSSSSS!!!!!!

Tromeric

Super 8- J.J. Abrams

    I walked into the theater a thirty one year old bad ass and within minutes of Super 8 had reverted back to child.  I mean seriously, when I went in there that camp counselor(yeah that one) would want nothing to do with my ass but Super 8 turned me into a kid, I shrank right there and I was 12 again, dick and all .  The counselor would not of been able to resist me the entire time I was watching it. Just a twelve year old with a rocking boner.
    I am not going to give away anything. The trailer gives away the perfect amount and I will not be guilty of ruining this. I will just say a few things.  Yes the monster is bad ass. Its frightening and still feels human at points.  The acting is great. The effects are amazing. Its a coming of age movie that should of been made in the time it is set. I knew these kids. I rode my BMX bike to their house to talk/study/watch/make movies with them. It is Stand by Me meets Alien. Its Spaced Invaders meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Its The Monster Squad meets E.T.. Its The Goonies meets Predator.
     Everything is top notch in every way. Get a big ass tub of popcorn, some friends and sit back and enjoy two hours of epic bliss.  

4.5/5

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 16

     Childhood theme horror.  This is a tricky subject.  There are many ways you can take this. I am guessing for the most part people are gonna jump right to The Monster Squad which is quite alright with me.  I fucking love that movie.  It pretty much captures what its like to grow up a horror nerd, unfortunately for me the part about meeting all the monsters never happened to me but god damn I wish it would of. Child's Play is another great example and one of my favorites The Gate.  When all is said and done I knew right from the start where I was going and I am sure I will get a lot of flack for it but luckily for me I just don't give a fuck. 

      I am a child of Ernest. I don't mean he fucked my mom but god damn I wish he would of.  I would of been way cooler if Ernest was my dad and that's saying a lot because I am pretty bad ass already. I mean I grew up watching all the Ernest films and TV shows.  Sure this isn't a straight horror film but when I was a kid that troll scared the shit out of me, literally I was just dumping buckets of Jolt soda out my ass. The Chiodo Brothers of Killer Klown fame crafted one gross ass scary mother fucking troll, and it may just be me but When I watched the new Troll Hunter trailer I think those Norwegians grew up with Ernest as well. The intro starts off and right away all my nerdgasms begin, I mean Ernest with Nosferatu. Shit yeah, and last but not least the music. I always get that theme stuck in my head.  I have had many days where my drunk ass just puts that song on repeat on my I tunes and I'm in Heaven. 

Tromeric

The Garbage Pail Kids- Rod Amateau

    So due to a challenge called out by Mr. Gable himself three brave solders set out to play a game of torture and gambling of their own self worth with a viewing of the 80's sleaze kids debauchery known as the Garbage Pail Kids.    It was on this weekend in March that Morbid Dementia, Mr. Gable and I Tromeric set out on our mission and because we are brave warriors(or in my case because of the massive amount of booze) we survived this mission with very few injuries.  These are our findings. Look below for my review then make sure you follow the links to the other two as they actually succumb to the English language.


     People like to complain about this movie, they talk about how bad and cheesy and ridiculous it is.  Excuse me? Are you talking about that movie based off a set of trading cards where they shit their pants and vomit and fart a lot?   I would just like to let everyone know that that movie staring The Fat Boys as orderlies isn't Oscar worthy. Jesus people what did you expect? I am sorry Orson Wells
did not come back from the dead to lens this modern masterpiece of farts and vomit. I will take the next sentence or two to explain this gem, if it takes that long.
     Dodger works at the antique store from Friday the 13th the series, he is like 12 and in love with a twenty something year old who is boning a Kevin Dillon lookalike reject named Juice who has nothing to do with 2Pac.  Juice and his gang?(one douche in a fishnet vest and some viking woman in some gross ass leotards) like to fuck with Dodger and Tangerine doesn't seem to mind.  A fight ensues and the gross garbage can that Captain warned him is the only thing not to fuck with of course opens up.  Dodger is thrown into the sewer where we finally meet our friends the GPK.  They get him all cleaned up, piss shit and puke on him(most movies with this I have to get at a different kinda store). Well for the next hour we see the kids make him some "sweet" stylish cloths that Tangerine can exploit by shoving her hot little 80's boobies in his face.  The kids get into trouble and all kinds of shenanigans ensue.  They meet up with some bikers at the toughest bar in the world. This is good as they will need their help when the poor little shits get taken to the asylum for the ugly.  Well you get it, it is pretty God damn basic but what the fuck did you expect.
     In closing I will reiterate, how do you not know what to expect?  I mean its the mother fucking Garbage Pail Kids.  I used to ride my Schwinn Predator(not that dude in the windowless van with unlimited candy or the alien warrior but a sweet bike) to the corner store with whatever change I could scrounge up just to buy a pack and laugh my ass off at what clever bodily function they made a character out of. This movie is by no means perfect, it like the bible is full of plot holes and confusing and supposedly has a message but is so convoluted it is laughable, but I will take the same stance many people seem to take on the bible and look the other way and just except it.  I mean for fucks sake its the God damn Garbage Pail Kids, I don't remember Jesus giving anyone a hot lunch, if he did I may of taken a different path in this life.  So I guess what I am saying is don't be a pussy.  GPK for life.

3.5/5

Tromeric



Alright try and sober yourself up after that and make sure you head over to Mr. Gables and Morbid Dementia's for their take.

The Hole- Joe Dante

     Joe Dante returns with a movie I can get behind, No reach around though.  
     The Hole plays out like a 90 minute episode of Eerie Indiana  which is OK in my book as Eerie Indiana was bad ass to the core of the earth, by the core I mean where the hole leads not that shitty movie with Harvey Dent. 

      This may not work for everyone but for anyone that grew up watching Dante's work or Goosebumps, or any of the great dark kids horror this is right up your ass uh alley uh hole? 

     It is a roller coaster ride where your childhood friend doesn't fall to their death.  It's fun, its creepy with little girls and Jester on a  roid rage crawling into hole's as if they were in  a Jan Svankmajer film. It is entertaining and funny and Dante fell into a goldmine using "hole" as the title, the most insane amount of innuendos. I wanna play a drinking game, take a shot every time a minor talks about having fun inside another minors hole. 
     The story here is not important. Don't get me wrong it works and actually most things in this film work. The acting, the effects, the story it all works, but who gives a good god damn.  This movie is a throwback to your childhood without all the touching in the places your swimsuit covered, well unless you were into that. The Hole made me feel like a kid again, sure I had more tequila while I was watching it, but a kid nonetheless.

3.5/5

Tromeric

   

Every other day is Halloween- C.W. Prather

Oh to be a kid again, I unfortunately didn't grow up in the DC area so as a kid I did not get to experience what seems like something that would of definitely been a huge part of my childhood if I had. I did grow up watching USA up all night and Joe Bob Briggs Monster vision as well as all the Elvira videos that came out. which I still have some of my fondest memory's this side of actually cumming after rubbing myself raw to the JC Penny's catalog. Even as a "adult" I have since visited and revisited many of these shows, thanks to the internet and underground bootlegs. This is a fun, well crafted, entertaining document of a time that many fans will never forget. Everyone involved obviously had and has so much love for what they did and are still doing to this day. The people that it affected still hold a fondness that one would not expect, Jeff Krulik and Steve Niles being among many of the people interviewed make you wanna go back to sitting in front of the TV eating Count Chockula and watching the horror films of your childhood, for me its Puppet Master, Bad Channels and pretty much anything Full Moon put out, but it could be anything. This is for anyone that appreciates that feeling you got and is not only Valid for people who Watched Count Gore De Vol specifically. I cant say enough good things about the count or this doc, order this, people like this keep horror alive and have been doing so for many years.

4/5

Tromeric

The Gate- Tibor Takács

Fuck Yeah, The Gate is so bad ass. Stephen Dorff in his first role, he's like not even born yet or some shit. His friendaloo is so metal, sweet Venom back patch dude. Plus hes like 12 and loves obscure European metal bands, I wanna party with this dude. The effects in this are so awesome, sweet 80's Stop motion and clay, fucking amazing, like stories. Very dark for what is supposed to be a kids horror film, i love it, FUN, FUN, FUN.

4/5

Eric

Bigfoot- Kevin Tenney

So the man that brought us the classic Night of the Demons stole the costume from the set of Harry and the Henderson's and made a Fox Family Movie about every ones favorite Crypto_Creature. Not a great film, I assume you guessed that. If your able to land at the the right level of drunk this is kind of entertaining.

1/5

Eric

Spaced Invaders- Patrick Read Johnson

Holy Shit I love this movie way more than I should, I have loved this movie since I rented it on my way home from school in the fifth grade, Royal Danno plays pretty much the same character he played in killer klowns from outer space. The aliens are fucking hilarious, “or in your case a whole loaf of toast” Fucking genius. I could go on and on but if you enjoy aliens who invade the wrong planet due to the war of the worlds broadcast and make sweet jokes written for a ten year old while a crazy old man with a dog tries to save his farm from a rich asshole by proving the existence of aliens cinema like I do than I suggest tracking this down in the nearest best buy $5.99 section and sit back and laugh your balls or vah-JJ off

4/5

Eric

Aliens in the Attic- John Schultz

From the director of the making of Jurassic Park comes the best kids alien invasion movie since Spaced Invaders. Holy shit son, I was so fucking stoked on this, or in the words of Steph, Stocked, like a grocery store. These aliens are fucking funny. Fucking buddy from wings and spideys boss are pissed and they can make sweet video game characters. Grandma from Grandmas boy can matrix fight. I laughed my balls off. Andy Richter, holy shit i love this dude, hes like do what you want, Tim meadows is like I'm a cop, get drunk and enjoy this great fucking movie, Kevin Nealon isn't stoned enough, Tiny Martianzilla fight, its like mothra vs high school the musical. Boner Jamz o9...

3.5/5


Eric

Coraline- Henry Selick

Its like Tideland without the heroin vacations. I wanted to watch this in 3D but Tony is Mexican and a pussy. Great Digital animation, way better than that corpse bride bullshit. Moments reminded me of monster house. which is as good as the burbs but this is not the burbs, Louis Lane is a bitchy useless mom, dad looks like eon from ghostbusters, fake dad looks like fat eon. Take s a whole 15 Min's to get going so if you are lazy like tony then that might be to long, but i thought it ruled donkey balls. Sweet as shit after sour tarts, the soft kind.

3/5

Eric

Bunnicula The Vampire Rabbit-Charles A. Nichols

Holy Shit, this was one of my favorite books when i was a kid, and by kid I mean still is. I have searched and searched and never knew there was a cartoon for this. I finally found one, and holy shit does it rule. I wish it was longer, I wish it was better, I wish a lot of things but all in all I'm just stoked there is a fucking movie about my favorite vampire rabbit. For years I have hoped for a live action adaptation of this, and maybe now that Spike Jonze is done with Where the wild things are he can pump this out, make a trilogy along with The Celery stalks at midnight and Bunnicula vs Edgar Allen Crow, I would cream my pants of that happened. Which may be a bit creepy as this is a kids book/movie, but I don't give a fuck.

2.5 / 5
Eric