The Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust- Sylvia St. Croix

     Gary Busey couldn't wipe all the coke off his nose to reprise his roll for this bad ass sequel, wither that or his "God" doesn't have a sense of humor and didn't approve of a crucified cookie.  It doesn't matter even without the Buse this movie is bad ass.
     This is a movie within a movie. Its like Full Moon's 8 1/2 or New Nightmare.  Autobiographical in many ways constantly poking fun of itself and full of references and one liners that would make Media Home entertainment blush. Now we get into cameos. Wow. We have everyone from David DeCoteau to John Carl Buechler. Adam Green to Gregory Nicotero and I can't forget Michelle Bauer.
     The production is up quite a bit from the first one.  The effects are not mind blowing but they are perfect for a \Full Moon feature about a carnivorous cookie.  The acting is up a bit as well. I'm guessing they didn't refuse to get out of the wheelchair for the entire shoot or O.D. in a hotel room just to stay in character but it's not painful. Full Moon plays it smart keeping it at just over an hour long.  Feeling the need to stretch these movies out is a common mistake made by many but this is paced just right.  The theme song is a complete rip off of Joan Jett's Bad Reputation. I mean  it. A rip off. It rules though.
     In the end this is a great follow up to the original and surpasses it on most levels, pretty much all of em aside from not having Gary Busey.  It's fun from start to finish and is a reminder of why we all still watch movies from Full Moon decades since we started.  Did I mention there is a crucified cookie?

3.5/5

The Gingerdead Man- Charles Band

     I was summoned out of my moms vagina already watching Full Moon movies.  If it had a toy or something small that killed I wanted to watch it, memorize it and quote it till my friends kicked me in the dick from irritation(which happened more than once).  After Full Moon lost their deal with Paramount I started to loose interest but out of loyalty still would rent pretty much everything they put out.  In 2005 I saw that Gary Busey was starring in a movie by full moon about a evil cookie.  I blew my load all over my grandmas Christmas cookies she was making. I had to have it. I went to the video store and grabbed it went home and had my mind blown. Well at least mildly amused.
     You have seen this before. Whether it was Jack Frost or Monsturd.  Who cares it works every time.   A dude is brought back to life as some inanimate object and kills some bitches. If its not broke why fix it?  Criterion may not be putting this out but I will stand by the Gingerdead Man and pretty much everything Charles Band puts his name on.
     Follow in Busey's name grab some friends snort a line, have a drink and engorge yourself with this cookie. You may shit all over the place but God damn it tastes good while your eating it.

Tromeric

2.5/5

Stake Land- Jim Mickle

     Nun rape, baby eating and Danielle Harris prego.  This movie is basically my bucket list.  A follow up from the man that brought us Mulberry ST.  It's like The Road fucked Phantasm and Near Dark sat in the love pile it created and got pregnant from it.
     Desolate and empty and bleak are just three words that spring to mind.  After this movie you  will never see the glass half full again, even if you do you will pick it up and crush it with your hands pushing glass all into your body until blood runs out and opens a gateway to hell just because you know it is not half full and there is no point in trying to say it is. Seriously though this movie while being insanely bleak is also bad ass.  The Vampires will rip your face off and drink the blood out of your asshole.  They are not fucking around.  Stake Land is intense and dark while still being entertaining and brutal. The characters are interesting and very likable and you feel like you know them and could tell them about that time with your uncle in his "special van."  I mean you are that close with them.
     Jim Mickle has created something special here.  It may not be perfect but it is a nice addition to the vampire genre and its exciting to have a vampire movie with vampires that don't just write poetry and molest teen girls.  I assume this is a film that will get better with age.  It's like a fine wine that will bite your fucking face.


4/5

Tromeric

Goblet of Gore- Andreas Schnaas

    The dude that bought us the Violent Shit movies brings us some more shit. This shit rules.  Did that dude just fuck a girl in her stomach knife wound so hard it came out her mouth and his cum split her in half?  Yes he did and I loved it.  The intro is about as long as the movie and the end credits are longer.  The dancing skeletons rule. I drunkenly learned the sweet two step they are rocking.  This movie is shit. This shit is awesome.  Garbage you want to fuck.  Schnasster!!!!!


2/5

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 30

  Favorite horror film. Do I need to say anything?

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 29

     My least favorite horror film. That is hard. I am pretty forgiving on a lot of films. Don't get me wrong I hate plenty.  I could go on about all the pointless remakes of foreign films, or the bullshit teeny bopper films from the 90's, or the ridiculous PG-13 kick but I don't care enough.  I personally do not enjoy the Saw films. I think the first one had some amazing moments but overall was not impressed but I don't feel hatred towards it.  Remakes in general are pointless but as we discussed in day seventeen there are exceptions, I did almost go with The Texas Chainsaw remake from 2003 as that film made me pretty angry on every level but when I got to thinking there is one film that made me stand up and scream "FUCK YOU WES CRAVEN."

    This movie was a mess. Wes Craven has made some of my favorite films ever and even ones that aren't necessarily  "great" that I love, like Shocker or Deadly Friend. Well when he put this out after years of reediting and procrastinating I was appalled. Really? Did that werewolf just flip me off?  I could go on and on with a hate filled rant but I won't because I got a grilled cheese and an episode of the X-Files to indulge in. 

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 28

    A movie that no one has heard of? Have you heard of the internet. That makes it hard mother fuckers.  Ten years ago I could of made a fucking list but now. I will try my best but I know at least one of you has heard of this.  I have went on and on about Mike Mendez. The Convent and The Gravedancers were both more bad ass than an aborted baby.  His first film Real Killers seems to be one that very few have seen and still hasn't been released to DVD.  I saw the video in Hollywood back a Christ age ago and thought it looked like total butt spit as it kinda looked like Insane Clown Posse was on it and I would rather cut my dick open with a page from the bible then watch anything with those methed out fucks unless its the Miracles video cuz that shit is hillarious like Bill Hicks except its not suppose to be, so I guess its funny like the bible. Anyways. Real Killers is bad ass to the core of the earth.  Its broooooooooooootal, high-larious and outrageous.  It has a twist that rules and is nothing like that M Night bullshit.  Watch this if you haven't seen it.  If you have call me out. I know there is nothing I can put that a page full of horror nerds hasn't heard of unless I went with something I made and haven't showed anyone. Real Killers bitches!!!!!

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 27

     A guilty pleasure?  That is not easy for someone that proudly watches every movie ever that has the man eater logo on it.  I watch Theodore Rex, yeah that movie with Whoopi Goldberg and the dinosaur with chucks on and text everyone I know to tell them I am watching it for the third night in a row.  I shout from the rooftops my love for Blood Freak and Troll 2.  I look at the web store for The Asylum all the time planning out what sweet coffee mug from what 80's Pop Star movie I wanna drink my morning cup of joe out of. I read Mr Gable's Reality everyday to see what he has to recommend. I love bad shit and I am not ashamed.  "Gonna have me some fun."  Well when thinking about it I came up with one that stood out.
     Uwe Boll. This guy is one of the most hated directors out there.  Most of his movies are garbage.  I mean really fucking bad.  Alone in the Dark, Christian Slater gave a better performance in Kuffs.  Bloodrayne was so bad when it was over I couldn't even talk. Now we get to my choice. House of the dead, based off a video game where you shoot zombies.  That is about all the movie is. He interwove actual video game footage into this.The guy from Das Boot is in it and acts about as well as Shaq in Kazaam .  Lois Lane is in it and shows her titties which is sweet and makes up for the anger I felt during Butterfly Effect 2 when I was ripped off.  The editing, the writing, the acting its all shit, but you know what? I love it, I love all of Dr Bolls shitty ass movies. I am a bit ashamed but that's OK. A couple years ago he released the "funny version" and it was so fucking brilliant. Its like MST3K with Uwe Boll.  I will continue to watch his shit waiting for Auschwitz which I am guessing is gonna be the most offensive movie ever made.  I salute my lord and master Dr Boll for beating his critics and me into submission.

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 26

     A movie I watched a lot as a child. That is tuff as I have been nerding out on horror films since I was a wee little lad. I was constantly stopping at the video store on my home from school. I think I rented Dream Warriors a gazillion times. I pretty much wore out the end of the tape watching the sweet Dokken video over and over.  All the Friday the 13th films were watched many times. I seemed to always catch parts four and five on TV.  I could honestly go on for a long time naming all the shit I watched but when it comes to one movie I instantly think of watching tons when I was a kid it would have to be...
     I caught this on USA up all night one of the weekend nights I was trying to stay awake as long as humanly possible eating candy and drinking Jolt soda.  It came on and I fucking loved it.  There was just something about it that instantly drew me in.  A couple weeks later it was on again so I set up my sweet gigantor VHS player to record it and watched the shit out of it from here on out.  I still to this day will occasionally pop this bad boy in and feel like a kid again, not from Serbia but a bad ass nerd kid sitting in my house that is set up similar  to how my room was when I was dick high.

30 Day Horror Challenge day 25

     A horror film I used to hate but now I like? That's hard because I am a stubborn bastard so I usually stick to my guns. There are of course a few exceptions. Movies I saw When I was younger and didn't fully appreciate.  When I first saw American Psycho I was not a huge fan. I wanted to be. It just didn't do it for me. Through the years I have grown to appreciate it more but It's still not one of my faves.  When I was a kid Halloween 3 pissed me off because no Michael but now I fucking love it and see it as a great film. I considered both of these but when it got down to it there was one answer.
     I remember buying a copy of Phantasm 2 at a comic shop when I was a kid and loved it. I watched the first one and liked it but thought two was way better. Later on in life I did a marathon of all four and Loved the first one and it has went on to be one of my favorite movies of all time, its in the running for the last days entry of this challenge.  When I got to four I thought it was boring and felt like a shitty made for TV movie.  When I revisited it like a year later my mind was changed. I loved it. I loved all the flashbacks and seeing the Tall Man in his previous life. Now this has become probably my favorite aside from the original. 

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 24

     This is a hard one for me. Most of the time I prefer the directors cut if anything just because I am a purist.  There of course are exceptions.  Army of Darkness was close.  I enjoy the directors cut but the ending in the theatrical is bad ass.  Dawn of the Dead I enjoy all three.  Argentos cut is entertaining but is lacking the commentary but I guess that was the point.  The theatrical cut is a little sharper than the extended version but Romero himself prefers the theatrical cut so I am not sure if that counts.  I went with a movie that a lot might not consider horror but that's OK, to each their own. 
     I was blown away by this the first time I watched it.  Sure now its hard to remember that with all the overkill of it but initially it was bizarre, terrifying, hilarious and unique. I watched it repeatedly trying to figure out exactly what was going on. It was like David Lynch if Todd Solondz had merged with him.  A few years later the directors cut came out and it was kind of insulting.  It was like Donnie Darko for dummies.  Everything was spelled out and it took away the fun and mystery that it had brought me.

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 23

    Only one week to go on this challenge. We are at TV movie. A tricky but overall fun genre.  A made for TV movie has some aesthetic about it that I generally enjoy.  The 70's and 80's brought some of the best with Dark Night of the Scarecrow, Trilogy of Terror,  Gargoyles, New York Ripper,  both Wes Craven and John Carpenter have dabbled in the TV world with pretty entertaining results.  Today we see the onslaught of SyFy's creature movies that are generally bad ass.  I almost went with Sharktopus as my choice but all the other croc's, gator's, sharks, and any other creature you can think of are a good watch with some friends and beer.  There is of course one man who holds the record for made for TV and that is Mr. Stephen "Watch out for that car" King.  Who can forget Pennywise or Barlow.  Storm of the Century was great and I even enjoyed The Stand and The Tommyknockers.  The list goes on but the one that stands out for me and I still remember watching when it first aired was....

     This has it all. Greasers, cool cars, amazing hair, zombies and the story just sucks you in instantly, not to mention it spawed the best sequel titles since Breakin and City Slickers. F.K.U. named their sophomore record after it and it rocks my balls off.


Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 22

     I am a sucker for pretty much any horror TV.  I grew up watching amazing cartoons like Count Duckula, The Real Ghostbusters, Toxic Crusaders, Tales from the Cryptkeeper, Groovie Ghoulies, no to mention The Beetlejuice or Attack of the Killer Tomato cartoons.  Speaking of cartoons once a year The Simpsons has brought memorable entrees into the genre with their Treehouse of Horror episodes. Growing up there were many great anthology shows such as Tales from the Crypt, Monsters, or Tales from the Darkside or the kids versions Are you Afraid of the Dark and Goosebumps and of course reruns of The Twilight Zone which was mostly Sci-fi but still had nods to horror all over the place.  Speaking of Mr Rod Serling Night Gallery which was a more straight forward horror show had some great episodes. The Munsters and Adams Family gave me my dose of horror comedy while Freddy himself brought me A TV party, sure it wasn't the best show on, but I didn't care it had Freddy fucking Kruger.  Friday the 13th also stepped into the small screen without Jason inexplicably but still a great fucking show and one of the shows that almost made it for my pick.  The X-Files kept Mulder and Scully looking for the truth from week to week but in between the Flukeman and the crazy inbred family  from home were there to scare the shit out of me.  Swamp Thing got a half hour to be a bad ass andBuffy the Vampire Slayer brought seven years of bad ass monsters mixed in with drama and life. Angel got his own spin off which had some amazing moments and seemed a little more grown up but had a couple story lines that made me want to lock my mythical kids in the trunk and drive into a body of water.  Reaper and Dead like me brought kind of a teen comedy feel to the genre while Dark Shadows brought the daytime soap action. Masters of Horror and Fear Itself was built on a great Idea and had some amazing episodes but a fair share of misses as well.  We are in kind of a resurgence of horror TV.  True Blood and The Vampire Diaries give us our Vamp fix, Supernatural continues to rule and brings everything from monsters to Angels and Demons without Tom Hanks.  The Walking Dead got an amazing start and how can you not love the lovable serial killer Dexter. England brought us Being Human which sounds like a laughable premise but plays out very dark and tension filled while Canada brought one of the best and unique horror shows with Todd and the Book of pure Evil. As you can probably see I love horror TV. It was my childhood and continues to be something I enjoy revisiting and seeking out. With all of these examples there is one show I have to go with. It may not be the best, it didn't last that long but when all is said and done I fucking love it and I continue to watch it to this day.

    Errie Indiana was basically The X-Files in Twin Peaks for kids.  Joe Dante was a consultant and it had some great guest stars like Tobey McGuire, Danielle Harris, Matt Frewer, and Michael J. Pollard not to mention John Astin and Harry Goaz where regulars. It unfortunately didn't even make it a full season but I will always stand by this show.


Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 21

    I am running late for work and wont be home at all tonight so I am doing this one on a  rush so I don't have a lot to say but for medical horror I am going with Mr Cronenberg.
     Rabid is one of my favorite of his and who doesn't want to see Marilyn Chambers running around with her vagina in her armpit?  There is a lot going on here but like I said I am late for work so I will leave it at that.

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 20

     Day twenty brings us to killer animal movie. Really?  How can I pick a favorite?  Hey pick which actress from Burning Angel you want to have sex with, but only one.  I can't do it. I fucking love any movie with animals.  I don't care if its total shit I will watch it and probably love it.  I watch all this shit. The entire Maneater series. I rocked em. Movies with Gary Busey killing tigers. I'll stand by it.  David De Coteau made some movies with leeches or bears where its just a dude in a bear suit shaking a car. I will watch it and laugh the whole time. I don't give a shit.  There of course are the classics like Jaws or Alligator but aside from that you have Orca the Killer Whale.  Yeah whale abortion.  Night of the Lepus, fuck I am kinda scarred of those cute little bunnies.  Eaten Alive by Tobe Hooper or Rogue by Greg McLean were bad ass killer croc movies.  Crocodile and Crocodile 2 were fucking terrible but I loved watching the crocs save woman from rape scenarios. So many great killer bug movies. Arachnophobia, Them, Eight Legged Freaks, Ants.   Can anyone say Piranha?  How about the remake? The Asylums mockbuster Mega Piranha? That might be the best. All the mega movies. Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus. The Asylum also made Moby Dick 2010 which blew my mind like that girl from Necromantik blew that dead dude.  Speaking of sharks ummm Shark Attack with king of the straight to video Casper Van Dien, not to mention Meglodon  with the best pick up line ever. Lake Placid? Betty White talks bout dicks and sucking, part two with Bo Duke and part three that was way better than it had any right to be.  The William Girdler movies like Grizzly or Day of the Animals. He has something to say mother fuckers. The Boneyard with the giant Zombie Poodle, all the awesome crossbreeds like Sharktopus or Frankenfish?  How can you not love this shit?  Killer Dogs? Fucking Cujo, Mans Best Friend, or Devil Dog.  And don't forget Snakes. Python, Mega Snake, Jaws of Satan, Anaconda, Snakes on a Plane or the mockbuster Snakes on a Train.  These are all fucking priceless pieces of art you monkeys, speaking of monkeys can I say Outbreak or Monkey Shines?  Yeah well with all of these there is one movie that gives me the biggest nerd boner ever and that is......   

Thats right. Birdemic:Shock and Terror. This movie is a huge piece of shit. I love it like this one girl I knew loved an Icy Mike.  I am a bit tipsy off Spider Bites so I am gonna not even bother to explain this gem and will just link to my review I wrote back after the first time I saw this masterpiece.

Tromeric