Did You Just Queef In My Mouth? A Night In Tromaville, And A Return To Nuke 'Em High

I have been a Troma kid pretty much my whole life. Many evenings were spent digging through the TV Guide looking for any and all horror, cult,and  B films. It was a different time, and I didn't have the internet, so the guide was my best option. I started noticing Troma pretty early on. That intro, the music, the logo. It stuck with me. I would see it on Cinemax. I would see it on USA Up All Night, and I would see the logo at the video store. It quickly became something I had to get if I saw the logo. That of course failed me a few times, but overall if it had the Troma logo, I was more excited than Victor Salva on the set of Little Rascals.

Outside of Toxie, Class of Nuke 'Em High and its subsequent sequels became favorites of mine. I loved the Cretins, I loved the theme song, I loved the boobs. I could pop in any of the nuke 'em movies, and just get lost in the post apocalyptic world that I had grown to feel was a glimpse into the future, or at least I hoped it was. I know that is probably not the intention of the films, but I wanted to go to Nuke 'Em High. I wanted to become a cretin and fuck up everyone's day. I wanted to hang out with all the sexy cretin girls, and party with the dudes, hell if I had enough grog, we would probably work something out for everyone, but that is a different story, saved for my cretin erotica book I am working on. Anyways, I am a Troma kid, and last night I was lucky enough to see RTNEH on the big screen along with plenty of antics from Lloyd Kaufman, and his wife the former New York film commissioner. I along with a group of the grogsters including, but not limited to, Steph Infection, Seth The Zombie, and Toxic Tony headed out to witness this new Troma film, that is part sequel, part re imagining, dare I say it, part remake, to one of my favorite films from the eighties.

Which one did I go to? You decide.

The film opens with a little flashback to original, and explains that the power plant is gone, and the new Tromorganic food stuff plant took its place. I assume this is their way of saying we aren't in an age where we aren't scared of power plants, we are scared of all that evil food. As I mentioned before, this is an updated version. Yes, in a way it is a remake, but mostly it is a new story for a new era, with all kinds of nods to the original. I had goosebumps within seconds of it starting. Boobs, blood, cameos, bad puns, melting flesh. This was indeed a Troma film, made for Troma fans. Once a few of the kids get infected the fun really starts.

As with most Troma films, specifically the ones that Lloyd is directly involved with, this film has social commentary oozing out its anus. Yeah it is sandwiched in between queefs, penis monsters, dick and fart jokes, sex, exploding pregnant woman. You know? Important things. Seriously though, I have always loved Kaufman's ability to bring serious issues to the forefront using tools like vaginal farts and what have you. Obviously there is plenty to be said about the state of the food industry, as well as LGBT rights, net neutrality, corporations, and everything else.

The effects in this thing straight kill it. I saw Drew Bolduc listed as one of the credits for special effects in the beginning. You may recognize his name as being the director of the masterpiece The Taint, and the upcoming Science Team. I always love the effects in Troma films, but seeing his name got me all wet, and a bit worried that my cock may explode from the awesome. I was right, minus the exploding cock, which is fine by me. Still a few years left in this bad boy. There were a few digital effects, but for the most part it was all old school slimy, oozy, exploding awesome. There are definitely some gross out moments in this beast.

The acting is perfect for Troma, overacting multiplied by eleven. Every person in this puts their all into it. Whether it is Lloyd himself portraying the president of Tromorganic, the glee club singing and slicing up Tromaville's citizens, or the leads falling in love, fucking, and queefing.

Cameos and references a plenty. So many shout outs to Troma films of every decade, as well as other classic cinema and pop culture. I don't want to ruin the cameos, as there are some pretty epic ones, and surprise is definitely part of the fun, but I would say there are at least thirty rocking, obscure cameos. 

I spent last night in Tromaville. With friends, family, and the king himself. I was blown away by the feelings it caused me. I am not solely talking about the bulge in my pants, although that was definitely there, as there are some beautiful people undressing, and having a blast as has come to be expected from Troma, but also just moments of pure bliss. I am impressed that thirty years later Troma can still make me feel the way I did in my room as a child, staying up late to catch them on cable. I laughed, I smiled, I was truly happy, and felt like I was witnessing history being shat on the screen in front of me. Return is a return for Troma. A return to the anarchist, fuck the system cinema they helped create so many years ago. As a dude in his thrities, I have not wanted to re-enroll in high school this much, well since ever.

This is volume one. It is half of the story. It doesn't end. It is like a to be continued episode of your favorite show, just one where you have to wait longer. It is killing me that I can't watch part two right now. I am insanely excited for volume two, hell I am bummed I have to work tonight, as if not I would definitely be returning for a second screening.

Catch Return at a screening in your city, or pick up the Blu, which hits later this month. Hell, do both. Buy two.

4.5/5

 -Tromeric

Curse of Chucky- Don Mancini

I have always been a fan of Chucky. I saw the first couple in the theater when I hadn't even reached double digits in age. Over the years each sequel got more and more goofy. I was not against this. I actually really enjoyed Bride and Seed, but they definitely had changed tonally, as do most sequels. When I got the first info about Curse it was stated that it was going back to a more serious tone like the first. This intrigued me, but also worried me. Could it work? I watched the trailer and was not that interested. It looked like it was gonna be another straight to DVD sequel that had lost touch with the rest of the series, granted the rest of the series had already lost touch with previous entries, so there's that. Well I decided to give it a go anyways and was more than pleasantly surprised. 

It starts off with a great intro that sets up the tone and story perfectly. You're in a big old mansion that kind of feels off. You meet Nica played pretty brilliantly by Fiona Dourif, daughter of Chucky himself, Brad Dourif. She receives a package, that of course ends up being a good guy doll. You know shit is going to get real now, and it does.

To say I had reservations about this would be an understatement, but luckily most of them quickly disappeared as I watched the film unfold. I had assumed it would be full of ridiculous CGI, especially when Chucky was involved. That  was not the case. Chucky still had that look when he moved, you know the way  a mother fucking puppet would move. The music is solid. It really helped the story and the atmosphere. Mancini managed to build quite a bit of tension in this. There is a scene where the family is having dinner and the food may or may not of been poisoned that had me squirming quite a bit. The pace is pretty great throughout, there are a couple points in the middle that kind of lose the flow, but it quickly picks back up.

Tony Gardner came back for the effects and Christ are they awesome. As with Chucky, you will find very little CGI here. Practical effects the plenty, and some of the gore is top notch. There is a scene involving a car accident that has a beheading that would make the crew on "Twilight Zone:The Movie" cringe.

This is not a perfect movie. There are flaws and parts that are a bit off, but for being a sequel in a series over twenty years old it stands up surprisingly well. The kills are fun, the music is great, and if you're a fan of the series there are plenty of moments that will remind you of the previous entries, as well as tie up the entire series.

One last word of advice. Stay through the credits. You will be glad you did.

3.5/5

-Tromeric 

Children of the Corn: Genesis- Joel Soisson

     Not counting the remake this is the eleventh Children of the Corn film. That is insane. Why Children of the Corn? The first one is good for the time and due to how much I loved it as a kid something I revisit from time to time. Cool idea and the kids are creepy. The sequels are all pretty bad. Some of some fun moments but nothing about them screams more.  I mean Freddy didn't even get eleven films for Christs' sake. Well I guess it doesn't matter why it happened because it did.
     The movie starts off with a soldier returning home to find his family dead. Then what looks like a kid from every Japanese ghost movie strobe moves at him and throws a crucifix at his face. We then jump ahead to a couple who has some car trouble, never heard of that happening in a horror film. Well they go to the first really creepy house they can find and ask for help. Billy Drago took a break from getting Aids for Greg Araki to be a creepy ass preacher who is married to the kinda hot chick from Hostel.  The couple ends up having to stay the night as there is nothing open if bum fuck scary town. Now it is time for weird shit to start happening that will raise their suspicion but not enough to do anything.
     This may be one of the most pointless sequels ever made and that is saying something as I am comparing it to nine other Children of the Corn sequels. It is called Children of the Corn but has only a couple of them and it is never made clear if they even have anything to do with the chaos. They try and elude that the one kid that is kind of shown is basically Carrie White but it becomes pretty convoluted with all the other "twists" that they shove down your throat like that Sasha Grey movie I saw.

1/5

Tromeric

Hellraiser: Revelations- Victor Garcia

     I know I am way late on this. I am usually better about watching the shitty films that no one else wants to. This had shit written all over it like a coprophiliac's bedroom. I knew this would be bad from the very beginning. First of all Hellraiser has been shit since Part four. I am one of the few that really liked three I know, but I did. Bloodline however was total shit and it has been a downward spiral since then. When I heard this was happening I couldn't believe it. A Hellraiser movie so bad Doug Bradly wouldn't be in it. I love ol' Doug and will say that even in all the shitty sequels he owned the role of Pinhead but lets face it.He was in one amazing Hellraiser, two awesome and four complete shit sequels. If he read Deader and was like "OK" and then read this and was like "I think we may be missing the mark with this" I figured I should stay away, and let's not forget Clive Barker himself saying that this didn't even come from his butthole. That is one way to know you done fucked up filmmakers. Well now that I told you a bunch of things you already know here are some more you may or may not.
     Some douche bag teens leave their rich ass parents house to go to Mexico and get some prostitutes. They kill one somehow and then buy a puzzle box that happens to be the Lament Configuration. They open it and some dude that looks less like Pinhead than that fat dude at comic-con shows up and tears some souls apart. One of the dip shits gets taken to hell but escapes and makes his friend kill more hookers to bring him back to life(sound kinda but not really familiar?) so he can be more of a douche. While all this is happening the family's of these shits are sad for some reason so they eat some dinner and whine a lot about their missing kids. This moderately attractive girl who is one of their sisters and one of their puzzle box's opens the Lament and her brother shows up. I will stop here as I have already given away more than I ever would in a review. The thing is, I don't care. It doesn't matter. I will say from here on out this switches from a shitty Hellraiser film to a shitty home invasion movie. Just think of Funny Games, starring the cenobites. If you have been smart enough to stay away from this, continue that. If you feel like torturing yourself and can't find  a Lament Configuration this is a close second.

.5/5

Tromeric 

Subspecies, Or How I Spent My Post Oscar Hangover Day

Sunday started with a day full of work as usual. I wanted this day to be over so I could start my yearly Oscar party. Sure the Oscars are outdated and usually wrong but I still have to watch. I don't care that they snub my favorite films. I am glad they do. I love sitting around drinking with friends yelling at the TV. It is probably the closest thing to a sports game I will ever care about. Well the Oscars came and went and by the end I was a bit inebriated. We continued the party listening to music, drinking and dancing. Well I was dancing. It only takes one for a dance party god dammit.  Well it was late and I puked my insides to the outside and passed out. The next morning I woke up feeling less than a hundred percent. I had to do something with myself so I looked around my room and saw my Subspecies box set. I hadn't watched any of them in years. Growing up I always would go for puppets over vampires so I figured it was about time to see what Radu was up to.
Subspecies(1991)- Ted Nicolaou

A couple of American girls show up in Romania to study Romanian culture with a friend. Radu shows up and kills the Tall Man. Radu wants these bitches but his brother is the nice one and loves their feelings. Radu wants their blood. He is cooler. The overall feel of this film is awesome, which is not surprising when you get a guy named Vlad to be your DP. It is Full of great sets and the countryside lends itself to the creepy nature of the film. There are some great effects in this. One moment is when Radu cuts off his fingers and they do a metamorphosis from gross finger to gusher, gusher to coyote dick, coyote dick to some awesome Harryhausen stop motion cyclops looking bastards. There is also a great scene at one the local rituals that is insanely unnerving. The whole town is dressed up and doing a ritualistic dance/parade in what looks like Muppet's costumes if they were designed by the Marques DE Sade. All in all I have nothing but love for the origins of this series.
BloodStone: Subspecies II- Ted Nicolaou

This picks up right after the end of the first one. Michelle tries to escape Radu but he wants to bang her vampire style. She takes the bloodstone and runs. Her sister comes to help but Radu is one persistent bitch. This is probably my favorite of the series. The effects are fucking amped up like Jose Canseco in the ninety's. Some of the highlights are the head reattachment scene which is quickly followed by a blood geyser of awesome. Numerous stabs to the face and all around badassary. The plot is unique and at times turns into a random buddy cop comedy. The cast is awesome and features William Shatner's daughter and the final guy from Friday the 13th part seven.  They go to the coolest most realistic metal club that even has Beavis and Butthead style graffiti including the term "Metal Rules" as well as other super creative phrases.

Bloodlust: Subspecies III- Ted Nicolaou

A direct continuation from two keeps Becky and Michelle running from Radu. All the same characters are back and to me is the least impressive out of the series. Still necessary in its own right and not bad by any means just the slowest of the series. The mummy in this one is pretty awesome I will say. She is trying to keep Radu grounded but he wants nothing to do with it. He says "Fuck you mummy, I will train this bitch." There is some sweet shadow stop motion and a great melting scene where you find out Radu kind of looks like King Diamond when he is on fire. There are plenty of sex and death scenes to keep you happy including one where Radu is fucking some chick Frombee and draining her neck. That alone is worth it.

Vampire Journals- Ted Nicolaou

Not a direct sequel but it does take place in the same universe. Radu is mentioned and Ash ends up in Subspecies four. I really enjoy this one. I feel like I am watching the flashbacks in old episodes of Angel/Buffy or even the more recent Vampire Diaries. Zachary, who is the younger James brother in one of my personal favorite  films Real Killers is a vampire out to severe his bloodline. He has feelings and all that bullshit. He is still kinda badass in this. Well he is on the hunt for Ash who is being an evil weirdo. Their paths cross when Ash get this super hot Pianist(I said pianist you child) in his sights. Zachary wants to protect her because of those stupid feelings. I am not trying to paint this movie as a tweenish bullshit film. It's not. In the first minute of the movie you get nipples and a beheading. I like those numbers. There are plenty of great kills including a exorcist style forced head spin. In the end while not fully a Subspecies film this is a great watch and full of blood and boobs. Two of my favorite B's.

Subspecies 4: Bloodstorm- Ted Nicolaou

The final installment of Subspecies finds Michelle in a hospital after a car crash. The Doctor realizes she is a vampire and tries to help her. He of course also has ulterior motives as he knows of Radu and wants the Bloodstone. Ash also is there and along with his lady friend sets out to fuck up Radu's day.  They get help from the humans to get rid of him. Basically everyone wants to fuck over everyone to get the bloodstone.
A lot of people hate this one. It is by no means perfect but I still had a lot of fun with it. The opening is great and reminded me of Lethal Weapon four or Final Destination five with the montage of clips from all the previous films. The montage is a bit different as it is Enter the Void style with its fast cuts that would most definitely send a epileptic into seizure. Some of the effects are less than perfect but overall they work. This one probably has the most be headings and they are all bad ass. It ties everything up nicely and for a final entry works for me.

    Well that is it for my revisit of the Subspecies series. In the end I was very happy to go back. In a time full of bullshit romantipires it was refreshing to see some Gothic vampires  that actually drink fuck and kill. 

Tromeric

Ghoulies II- Albert Band

      I love the Ghoulies. Anyone that has ever read my shit knows that. They are bad ass and come from a toilet. Three is the best, hell one of the best movies in general and Wynorski directed four. It kinda sucks but Wynorski is a God and used the suits from Troll for it. The first one is sweet and has Jack Nance in it. Yeah Eraserhead mother fucks, not to mention that Suicidal Tendencies video. He must of been more of a coke fan.  Well lets get on to this shit. Ghoulies 2 where they will get you in the end....again. Marketing genius.
      The thing about all the Ghoulies films besides three is......they don't talk. What? I don't get it.  That's like if the first Homeward Bound was just a bunch of animals running around and not saying amazing things like "Birdzilla."  Let's make Babe: Pig in the City with a mute pig. This is not a Bresson film. OK. Fuck you.  With all that said. I can forgive this for a few reasons. The first being that these Ghoulies love W.A.S.P. Yeah. Blackie Lawless screams until we like it. The second is Royal Dano. He is playing a different character than I am used to. Yeah, he doesn't even have a dog. Crazy right? The third reason is Ghoulie puke. Yeah these assholes puke on so many people it's like a Lucifer Valentine flick.
     Well what are you waiting for? Marathon this shit.  Four movies that's only like six hours. Get a bottle and some friends and enjoy.

2.5/5


Tromeric

Top 50 Horror Sequels: The Complete Dossier

This is for anyone that didn't want to take the time to check all the lists separately. I may of digitally changed some things. That's a lie. I am just double dipping.

50. Final Destination 2- David R. Ellis

    Before he made Shark Night 3D or Snakes on a Plane David R. Ellis took Final Destination to places that it was kind of lacking in the first. I am talking about the deaths that Like Dio made you stand up and shout this time. The Final Destination movies are pretty much the same every time and overall pretty god damn basic. What matters are the deaths and this is the one to go to. I will say that part 5 did a pretty god job in this category and almost made the list. The deaths were fun and the end made me feel like Lethal Weapon 4. I hope they are smart enough to end it there as it left the overall mediocre series on a super positive note.














49. Psycho IV- The Beginning- Mick Garris

     The King of King shows us why Norman likes dressing in drag. Made for TV and it show's but always good for a watch. Surprisingly effective prequel.

48. Demonic Toys 2- William Butler


     Made eighteen years after the original and still maintains the feel. Baby Oopsie Daisy still shits the pants. What else do you need?

47. Return of the Living Dead Part II- Ken Weiderhorn

     Takes the same approach as Evil Dead 2. Essentially the same film remade in a more humorous tone.  Some pretty hilarious moments in this.

46. Creepshow 2- Michael Gornick

     Like most of the films on this list while not being as good as the first I enjoy watching this one more. I have more nostalgia for this than a alter boy does for priest wang. I enjoy all three but The Raft is the highlight.

45. Bride of Chucky- Ronny Yu

     Doll Sex and John Ritter. Have a super amazing memory of watching this in a trailer while eating a frozen pizza. It has stuck with me for years.

44. Friday the 13th part VI: Jason Lives- Tom McLoughlin

     It's no surprise that a few Friday sequels would end up here as there are about a butt load of them.  Overall I think that Friday has the best percentage of sequels good to bad but for now I will stick to this one.  The kills are fun, Alice Cooper wrote a song for it and a cop gets folded in half.

43. Halloween II- Rick Rosenthal

     While not being a perfect film Halloween two picks up right where one left off which just makes it a fun follow up.

42. Nekromantik 2- Jorg Buttgeriet

     I feel guilty having this so low on the list as I love the first one and the gore and characters in this are fanfuckingtastic. It does however suffer from the curse of the long running time. If he had cut down the time even twenty five minutes I think it would hold up a lot better. I still love it, don't get me wrong.

41. Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2- Lee Harry

     OK, I know 85% of this is flashbacks from part one but it has one thing that almost put it in the top ten until I decided to show some restrain. Garbage Day. Yeah garbage day is one of the greatest moments in film period.














40. Slumber Party Massacre II- Deborah Brock

     Is that a drill on that guitar? Did they try and make a David Lynch film out of a Slumber Party Massacre movie? Love it.
















39. Army of Darkness- Sam Raimi

     I know many people will not understand how this is so low on the list. I enjoy the shit out of this but it just doesn't compare to the first two at all for me. It will always be an integral part of my childhood but I love puppets more.

38. Puppet Master II- Dave Allen

    Very few series remind me of my childhood more than Puppet Master. I love all of them. Well aside from vs Demonic Toys but I don't count that, that's like claiming a rape as loosing your virginity. Puppet Master two is great for a couple of reasons. The first is it's basically Ghost Hunters vs Puppet Master and second is the introduction of Torch. Torch is a bad ass and he will make you look like Travis Barker.

37. Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver- William Butler/Silvia St. Croix


     The newest Gingerdead Man film but hopefully not the last. This pissed off cookie takes on a time travel, a roller boogie and more references than I make, well maybe not that bad.

36. Waxwork II: Lost in Time- Anthony Hickox

     Waxwork two is basically Waxwork with Bruce Campbell and an amazing rap video over the credits.

35. Sleepaway Camp 3: Teenage Wasteland- Michael A. Simpson

     Amazing soundtrack, great cast and amazing kills. The Sleepaway Camp sequels took a great movie and changed the whole feel and it worked.

34. Pumkinhead II: Blood Wings- Jeff Burr

        Jeff Burr, king of the sequels takes a stab at one of my favorite characters. While not nearly as powerful as the original this is a fun ride kind of like your mom.   Oh, did  I mention Punkey Brewster and Linnea Quigley?

33. Piranha II: The Spawning- James Cameron

     Turns out James Cameron was even an asshole back then. His movies were better and had less blue people in  them. Did mention flying fish?

32.Seed of Chucky- Don Mancini

     The final installment of the Child's Play franchise is just a fun fucking film. Some may even call it a blast...of semen to your face. Sure it doesn't take itself serious at all, but I am OK with that. Kills are so fun and John Waters makes everything better.

31. Return of Swamp Thing- Jim Wynorski


In our generation we have been blessed with some great directors that have changed cinema. David Lynch, Stanley Kubrick, Alfred Hitchcock  and the genius behind such classics as Chopping Mall, Deathstalker II and this gem. Swamp thing is such a great character. Craven pulled off a great film with the first one and I grew up on the TV show and the cartoon. Wynorski just takes it to new levels of awesome. Heather Locklear is not bad eye candy either.













30. Night of the Demons 2- Brian Trenchard-Smith

     Night of the Demons was one of my favorite 80's party, gooey, possession films ever. Brian Trenchard-Smith took a break from directing bad ass ozsploitation films for this follow up that holds up pretty god damn well.












29. Pet Semetary Two-  Mary Lambert


      This movie gets a bad rap in my opinion. The first Pet Semetary is good but not perfect by any means. I love it and it is  a decent representation of the novel, however for just plain old fun I prefer this.  I saw this as a double feature with Hellraiser 3 that is another sequel that I think is looked at in the wrong light.  Pet Semetary 2 is dark, funny and gory. You don't have to compare it to its more serious counterpart.  Sit back and enjoy Eddie Furlong fucking shit up.

28. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers- Dwight H. Little

      The second Halloween is a nice follow up to the original as it takes place directly after the first one. It's like an extension. Growing up I hated part three with that lack of Michael Myers. I grew to change my mind, as long as I looked at it as a different film it was great. I left it off the list because it has nothing to do with the franchise. Halloween 4 is the first sequel in my opinion. It took the original(which is far superior, don't get me wrong) and moved it ahead ten years and you got to see a lot of what made Michael tick. Sure this is where the story starts to get insane but fuck it, don't take everything so serious. It's a fun ride. You may want to double bag it(by that I mean get shitty) but the characters are fun and the kills are rad.




     

27. Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snoman

     Jack frost raped Shannon Elizabeth is the first one. That was rad. He now returns to a tropical island to say some of the best one liners ever and not melt somehow. If you don't want to watch a killer snowman on a tropical island kill bitches you should reevaluate yourself. 

26. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan- Rob Hedden


     This is one of the most hated sequels in the world. I don't get it. Sure it should be called Jason takes a boat as Jason is in Manhattan about as long as it takes a priest to cum when he enters little Timmy's butt hole. I can forgive that just like the pope forgives rape.  Jason knocks a dudes head off. There is a hot asian chick, a chick who loves to metal out and get her face slammed by here flying V and who can forget the hot rock being shoved through a dude. The uncle looks like Robert Stack and Jason looks like Corky from life goes on after a chemical burn.

25. Psycho II- Richard Franklin

     This came out so long after the original I would of never guessed it was worth a shit. Psycho is one of the best movies ever made period. This will never compare, it is however a intriguing character study and super entertaining film.

24. Gremlins 2: The New Batch- Joe Dante

     One of the rare examples where I like the sequel more than the original. I love the first one don't get me wrong but two takes everything great about the first one and rapes it for nine minutes. The new Gremlins are so bad ass. The gargoyle and the scientist rule my balls. John Glover and the twins from Eerie Indiana are great and how can you argue with Christopher Lee.













23. The Exorcist III- William Peter Blatty


     Exorcist two is horse shit. They got the writer of the first one to direct this and I almost like it better. The first may be a better film but I love this. Super creepy and awesome and the only Exorcist sequel not made out of shit.

22. Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare- Rachel Talalay


     Here is another of the most hated sequels out there. I don't get it. Sure it is kind of ridiculous and lost the feel of the first one. The thing is, so did two, three, four and five.  You don't have to take everything so serious. This is fun and full of references from the original. You have a Johnny Depp cameo. Alice Cooper is in it, not to mention Rosanne and Tom Arnold. I saw this in the theater in 3D and loved it and still do. It is my third favorite Freddy film for sure.













21. Critters 2: The Main Course- Mick Garris

     The king of King returns for a second time on the list with Critters 2. I love Critters but it was not a perfect film by any means. Two came along and took everything good about the first one mixed in a million other amazing things like critter ball and Playboy crite hunter to make a fun, amazing film.

20. The Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust- Silvia St. Croix

     I was a little skeptical of this at first when I saw that Gary Busey wasn't doing the voice anymore. I loved the first one but overall it was by no means classic. The Buse was the highlight for sure. I of course still pre ordered it as it was a Gingerdead Man movie and also a riff on Passion of the Christ to boot. Hell Yeah I want to see a cookie get crucified. It takes place on the set of a movie that might as well be the next Full Moon film and the Gingerdead Man fucks shit up. Oh did I mention a cookie gets crucified?

19. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre part 2- Tobe Hooper

     Texas Chainsaw is one of my all time favorite movies. I watched it when I was seven years old and it scarred the shit out of me, like running down my leg kinda shit. This came ten years later and is a completely different kind of movie. When I was younger that bothered me but I grew into this. I mean if he had tried to make the same movie again it wouldn't of worked. TCM 2 set the tone for a whole slew of other films and is a fun ride. Dennis Hopper having  a chainsaw fight with Leatherface as if they were in a Kurosawa film made my shit harder than taking meth from a Juggalo. Have you tried that? Its not easy. Some may even say it would be a miracle to pull off. See what I did there?

18. Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III- Jeff Burr

     OK. I know I am one of very few that prefers this to part two. I just love this film. Jeff Burr, king of the sequels returns to the list with this and I have always loved it.  Sure its nothing when you compare it to the original but that's not what I am doing here. Viggo is in this and he will fuck your shit up real good. Long before Cronenberg got a boner for him he was part of the family that slays together. This movie is just fun as fuck. Burr has always talked about the studio bending him over so I can only imagine the badassary that this would be if he had final cut. The kills are fun and the music. Wow the music. I have been in love with this soundtrack since it came out. Death Angel, Obsession, Wasted Youth and of course Laaz Rockit with the title track. I have given myself so many bangovers listening to that shit.

17. Bride of Re-Animator- Brian Yuzna

     So many bad ass new random creations in this one. From the man that co-wrote Honey I Shrunk the Kids and produced the original, Brian Yuzna.  See more shenanigans from Herbert West and love the gore. I do.

16. Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth- Anthony Hickox

      One of the most hated sequels on my list. I know I am gonna get some shit for this but I love this movie. Sure it holds nothing the original, the thing is I am OK with that. This is kinda ridiculous I mean a cenobite that shoots Cd's.  The reason I forgive this. This movie is fucking fun. Its a blast. A blast to your moms face even. I saw this with Pet Semetary 2 as a double feature at the discount theater when I was dick high and loved every second. Lemmy does a badass song for it and the effects are awesome. Pinhead has some his best moments from the entire franchise, granted he only has good moments in the first three. Talk all the shit you want but Hellraiser 3, as the great poets The Pretenders once sang "I'll stand by you."

15. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter- Joseph Zito

     He made The Prowler so of course his Friday is gonna be the best.  I could go on for hours on why this movie is amazing. I won't though. I will list a few reasons. The kills, Crispin Glover, Cory Feldman, Crispin dancing, Tom Savini returns, Crispin Glover.

14. Blood Feast 2:All U can Eat- Herschell Gordon Lewis

     HG Lewis started the gore film with Blood Feast so why not twenty five years later make a sequel?  I was so excited for this. I got home and watched it and was like wow! That was just Blood Feast made twenty five years later. The thing is I was happy about it.

13. Basket Case 2- Frank Henenlotter

     Basket Case was one of the great eighties NY sleaze movies and with the sequel he took it and made it better. Its not as gritty or dirty as the first but you get a whole batch of freaks that sing and dance and I love every second of it. Henenlotter is easily one of my favorite directors and this is a  prime example why.

12. Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers- Michael A. Simpson


     Sleepaway Camp is awesome. Overall it is just your basic slasher flick with some brooootal kills and assholeish characters. What sets it aside is its twist ending that makes M. Night hate himself as much as I do.  Unhappy Campers came along and said fuck it, lets have some mother fucking fun.  This film sports some of the best kills in a slasher ever. Period. Great metal soundtrack and random famous peoples siblings. Oh and the happy camper song gets stuck in my head more than "Send me and Angel" by Real Life.

11. Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge- David DeCoteau


     I love everything about the Puppet Master movies. I grew up waiting for the next one. They were like my Land Before Time and there were almost as many.  This gives you a little backstory and is fun from start to finish. You see where Blade was originated from and did I mention their are Nazi's? Yeah. Puppets killing Nazi's is pretty god damn epic.

10. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn- Sam Raimi

     There are three kinds of people, people that like Evil Dead the best, people that prefer Evil Dead 2 or people that live by Army of Darkness. I am in the first category but this isn't a top first film in  a series list.  I do however still love Evil Dead 2. He took the first one changed a bit and wrote the three stooges into it.  Classic by all means so here it is at number 10.

9. Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV- Lloyd Kaufman

     Troma is my childhood. I first saw their stuff watching USA Up All Night and continued to seek it out on VHS from there. I watched the original Toxic Avenger on a weekly basis. Two and three had their moments but I never felt strongly about them.  Then in the early part of the DVD golden age this bad boy showed up. I had seen the trailer so many times on Terror Firmer and when I got home and put it in. Wow.  So tasteless yet socially aware. It made me forget about the first two sequels. This movie also holds another place in my heart as the first time I met Lloyd Kaufman I had him sign my DVD and he coined my name. Tromeric. It made sense. Well Lloyd. Looks like you created another monster.

  
8. The Devil's Rejects- Rob Zombie

I had been following House of 1000 Corpses for years waiting for it to come out. I hadn't really been a fan of Rob Zombies music since early White Zombie but assumed he had it in him to make a bad ass movie.  It finally came out and I went to see it and enjoyed the shit out of it. It was nothing new, it wasn't gonna change anything but it was a fun ride.  I then heard he was doing a sequel. I waited curious and when the time came went and saw it. I was blown the fuck out of the water.  It was so gritty and brutal and funny and gory. I have watched this film so many times.  I know there is a lot of Rob Zombie hate and believe me I wish he would of taken some different roads than he has but one thing I will do is stand by The Devils Rejects.













7. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors- Chuck Russell

     I have watched this movie so many times. When I was in fourth grade I would stop by the video store on my way home at least once a week to rent this. It is one of the first movies I remember as soon as it was over rewinding and watching again immediately.  I to this day love the Dokken song. I watched that video so many times it wore out on the VHS.  I still to this day listen to it on a regular basis.  Dream Warriors is damn close to a perfect horror film for me. Its interesting, its funny, its got amazing kills, it was the last one before Freddy became super ridiculous and all the cast is amazing. I still think the first one is a superior film but for pure entertainment I always return to the suicide ward.

6. Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead- Don Coscarelli

    I love Phantasm and everything involving Phantasm.  Lord of the Dead is awesome. It's like the bad ass action Phantasm movie. A little over the top but I can forgive it due to the scene with like a thousand spheres fucking shit up. It's like bukake for phans.

5. Phantasm II- Don Coscarelli

     This is the one I saw first. I was a little kid and found the VHS at the local comic shop for cheap and was like wow. Balls.  It's a fun film but it has the wrong Mike in it. Still love it and have some fond ass memories that go along with it.

4.Phantasm: OblIVion- Don Coscarelli

     The first time I saw this I was not a fan. I thought it was kinda boring and had a made for TV feel.  A couple years later I did a marathon and was confused as when I got to it I loved it. The story is so dense and interesting. I love seeing the back story and all the unused footage from part one. It's hard for me to admit when I'm wrong but my first impression of this was total bullshit.

3. Troll 2: Claudio Fragasso

     One of the worst movies ever made hands down. I love it. I have seen this movie so many god damn times I should be put in an insane asylum.  So much has been said about this I don't feel the need to explain myself. I am a sick fuck and will leave it at that.

2. C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud-  David Irving

     C.H.U.D. was a fun seedy dirty New York film about underground dwellers. It had the dude from Home Alone and Bushwacked.  F.K.U. wrote a song about it.  Then came part two. They said fuck it lets make a buddy comedy with a zombie that kicks poodles caused ruckus and loves meat.  I always can watch this no matter what my mood.

1. Ghoulies III: Ghoulies go to College- John Carl Buechler

     I wanted to include Ghoulies four just because Wynorski directed it but I just couldn't. It's kind of a piece of shit. This however directed by one of the best special effects dudes that drinks his own pee and directed the first Troll is so god damn good I could go on for hours. I won't as I really want to go get some huevos rancheros. It's like Animal House with things that come out of your toilet and say the funniest shit ever.



     Well there is the top 50 sequels. Was it better all lumped together? Who knows? I do know we are creatures of excess so I figured might as well.


Tromeric