3 Black Ernests

I met Dee through Bad Netflix along with the other black geeks. Some of my favorite riffs during these have come from him.

Time to switch speeds. With all of this horror bullshit I need to rest my sweet virgin eyes. Ha! Virgin. I watch porn, love Bible Black and I seen nearly every Madea movie. Lost that nickname sometime ago. But as a favor to a friend I will review a movie a lot of class and deserving of the name classic. "Ernest Scared Stupid". Okay...I laughed as I typed that last part. It's a kids movie for fuck sake. I love Ernest P. Worrell. He's that nice excited good wholesome idiot Christian Republican everyone has in their neighborhood. Yeah we have those people in the hood, yet they still vote for Obama. I've been an Ernest fan since Ernest Goes to Camp, Jail, him saving Christmas, him having an exhibition against the Charlotte Hornets and that odd one with him in the Army. Oh yeah, that basketball movie really fucking happened! Magic Shoes, that's all you need to know.

The movie begins with Jim Varney having reaction shots to old horror movies. Either that or Ernest is getting the best blowjob ever. The movie gets going with the troll in "Evil Dead" mode trying to attack little girl. A girl who is smiling! John R. Cherry is a cruddy director. Anyway the troll named Trantor has been kidnapping children and turning them into wooden dolls. They trap Trantor with a net! A fucking net stops him! Phineas Worrell or Jim Varney in makeup, binds the troll under the roots of a great oak tree. But before they can complete the ritual, Trantor casts a curse on the townsfolk that he will return and once he has captured five children, his children will be born from that very tree and overrun humanity. Yeah, yeah, yeah fatty, no one cares.

Jump ahead to 1993 a hundred years later. Ernest and his dog Rimshot works as Trash man. Ernest falls in the back of the dumpster is crash to dead. No he's conveniently made into a block of trash. Lucky for Ernest he has kid sidekicks helping him out. Elizabeth, Joey and Kenny. Ernest is later ordered to clear the yard of Old Lady Hackmore played by Eartha Kitt. She looks fucking insane, or Black Lady Doc Brown. She tells Ernest to leave and never come back. And should be charged with attempted murder because she uses her blow torch to scare off Ernest. The kids are making a haunted house and the Mayor's sons tear it down. A strong wind could have done the same thing but moving on. Kenny asks Ernest for help and we get Ernest doing his various impressions. I heard other critics hate this, but fuck that. I love this shit. Yeah, I know it makes no flipping sense but it's hilarious to me. Maybe because this movie was made for kids! After that business, Ernest promises to find them a better place to build a haunted house, he goes to the giant tree that Trantor is buried under. The kids make it into the world's greatest treehouse. Seeing this as a kid made me so jealous. Even when my family left the hood my friends didn't have one. Hell my cousins in the middle of the Carolina countryside didn't have one. Lucky white kids. Well Hackmore says what everyone was thinking. A whole world of trees, he picked the one with a troll buried underneath! The bullies comeback and the kids with their treehouse defensive's, throw pizzas at them. The 90's were so care free. Well after talking with Hackmore, Ernest talks to the kids. For some dumb reason she told Ernest how to release the troll! Why! So Ernest not believing it decides to say it. Waking the great troll. Super Ernest, you doomed us all. Thanks Catwoman.

Now Trantor is actually pretty scary looking. Compare to what we seen lately in horror, it's pretty well done. Ernest soon sees Trantor and runs for help. Unable to get help from Sheriff Binder, Ernest goes to Old Lady Hackmore for help. Trantor first turns Simon of Alvin and the Chipm...I mean Joey in a wooden doll. Somehow Trantor gets energy or the tree does...I dunno. He gets this wooden kiddie dolls and they make his children grow. The next day, Joey's disappearance concerns Kenny and Elizabeth. Ernest tells Tom and Bobby Tulip about and of course they believe him. Just putting it out there the fat brother is different in this movie. I would have a story but IMDb has failed me. So the brothers take advantage of Ernest by selling him fake troll-trapping devices. I...I didn"t laugh at that. Well Ernest and the kids set up a trap in a dumpster. Trantor however is on a fucking roll. He gets a skateboarder, and later that night Elizabeth. And that scene as a kid was fucking scary. Yeah, I was pussy. But as predictable as the scene is it's great for kids. While trick or treating, Kenny is lured away from a friend by hearing Elizabeth's voice. But it was Trantor with a kid he made into wood. Kenny out runs him and Ernest gets him a troll in his trap. When unveiling it to the Mayor and Sheriff, it turns out to be the Mayor's sons. Ha! Ernest is soooooooo fired for this.

As Trantor is adding to his collection of dead kids he decides to stop the only one who can stop him. And thats Ernest. So they have a fight scene on a truck. Where the dog is driving the truck, sorry thats funny to me. It does bring up one big question. A net stopped Trantor but a 82 Chevy going 30 doesn't. Also Trantor's breath breaks the windshield on the truck. The fuck! Then Trantor goes ECW on Ernest by throwing him into a oil drum and kicking it off the truck. By my account Ernest should be dead. Anywho, after that Ernest and Hackmore try to out mug one another. But they find out through a book that two things can destroy Trantor; "The heart of a child." and "A mother's care." Ernest reads the inscription of MI_K. Ernest and Hackmore are so fucking stupid. Ernest even more because he thinks is "Miak". Goddamn it. Google what is Miak? A rare, slightly antiquated beverage, generally produced in Bulgaria, which may or may not be fictional. Miak's first mainstream appearance was in the film Ernest Scared Stupid. Why is the Urban Dictionary the only one with any type of definition? I hate the internet. Even worse for Hackmore who figures out that that "A mother's care" is unconditional love. How? By seeing a mom and son fight for a few seconds and then the kids saying I love you. How did you figure that one out by those 30 seconds of Full House? So Ernest and Trantor have a showdown in the schools Halloween party. And we find out that the Miak works! He kills him. End of movie. BULLSHIT! Of course it doesn't work! After Trantor is scared off by ice cream because you know, milk! It's all good anyway, he made the Mayor's son into wood and he's ready to unleash his plan! But we see that poor ol' Rimshot was made into wood. Kenny realizes Trantor's weakness, and gathers the mayor's other son and a group of the neighborhood kids to fight Trantor with milk. Also the townspeople go to the tree too. Ernest runs out there to face off with Trantor but is too late. Trantor's pods from hitting the ground and giving birth to his children who attack the townsfolk. And it looks like the mutant version of the Garbage Pail Kids were going ape shit. Finally Kenny and the others launch a defensive and manage to destroy all of the trolls except for Trantor who becomes too powerful to be affected by milk. What to do! He turns Kenny into a wooden doll and faces Ernest. Now I let a lot of bullshit slide in this movie but this is silly. Ernest with the power of heart dances with Trantor. Hugs him and kisses him on the nose. Either Trantor said fuck it to this movie or just overload on affection. Because his head exploded. Evil has been broken! Yeah! Trantor's spell is broken on the children he had taken, the five from that night as well as four children from the 19th century including Hackmore's sister. Hey wait a second! How old is Hackmore! That would mean she would be a slave girl. Slavery in the south wasn't truly over until...you know what fuck it. But what about Rimshot! He's alive too! Rimshot runs to Ernest and they makeout. White people. Look at Eartha Kitt's face as that happened she said the same in her head. The End.

This movie was...a good kids movie. I think those who hate this movie hate it for the wrong reasons. Its made for kids and Ernest no matter how corny is funny to kids. I love the guy, and shame on anyone who doesn't. But to grade it. Meh...it ain't Ernest Saves Christmas.

- Dee


3BlackGeeks Ratings-


Dee- B-

Cj- B

Dee, 1/3 of the podcast team of 3BlackGeeks. He is a lover of 80's/90's action movies, Anime, Black movies, wrestling and video games are in there somewhere. Not pretentious until you show him "Ghost In The Shell" or "Above the Rim". He often wishes Lou Gossett Jr and Sidney Poitier would beat the living crap out of shitty black actors.Make sure to check the blog and podcast.

Cinema Corpse presents The Cellar

 I first came across Chris and the Cinema Corpse guys when they were doing an all Ernest Podcast. Ernest is my dude so I signed up to the contest(which I lost to Mr. Gable) and sat back and enjoyed the banter. I have been a fan ever since.

The Cellar (1989)

Reviewed by Johnny Krueg

Right-click the link below and choose "Save Target As" to save the file to your computer.
Download MP3 File - The Cellar

Movie Review:
The Cellar (1989)              

CLICK ABOVE TO SUBSCRIBE TO THE FEED

Cinema Corpse is a horror/sci-fi/any other genre podcast/radio show. We also do some  video podcasts as well. We try to mix some hilarious antics into our nerdy conversation.  Our current line up is Chris Combe, Johnny Krueg, King Pimpin (Derell Spires),  Robert Hamilton and DJ Fuel. You can find us at www.cinemacorpse.com and Johnny Krueg's solo podcast at www.kruegernation.com.

Childrens Horror Art History with an Artist Who has no History with Horror

Peter Poison and I met in a Sushi restaurant through Seth the Zombie. He had taken over my room when I moved to an apartment. We started talking film and I lent him "Combat Shock" and " I Stand Alone." Sushi and film talk became a tradition and through a series of events we now are roommates.





Let me start by saying that I did not grow up being a horror fan. I never really watched slasher movies, or thought of Halloween as my favorite holiday, and avoided haunted houses like the plague. However, I will say that what little horror I was exposed to has influenced my life since and especially my art. I do still avoid haunted houses, but the visualizations in the children's horror I did grow up with have left a deep impression on me. If it were not for these illustrators and story tellers my art would not depict what it does nor follow the style it has. Most of the horror exposure I remember came in elementary school. I remember distinctly, being in school and having this reoccurring Scholastic Book Fair. I'm not sure why we couldn't just go to a bookstore to find all the books they were selling, and maybe it ended up benefiting the school somehow, I don't really care, but what I do remember is my mother really not being keen on some of the books I wanted to get. She really pushed for the historical biographies and the Magic School Bus series, but all I really wanted was Goosebumps. During this time I definitely judged a book by its cover, and Goosebumps had the most bad ass covers. Tim Jacobus drew the covers with just enough to make you want to read the story, and plenty to make you stare at the cover for hours. R.L Stine's stories did end up being a pretty good scare, but what really captured me was the cover illustration.

I remember the cover for #2 Stay Out of The Basement was of this slimy and hairy monster hand protruding from a door that was ajar. It was a simple illustration, with enough detail to give you a sense of texture, and with no indication as to what the hand was attached to, it left the reader wondering and worrying about what this slimy green beast would turn out to be. The #4 Say Cheese and Die! cover of a family portrait of skeletons with the tag line "a picture worth a thousand screams" drew me right in. It was a family BBQ caught on a Polaroid, but all the family members were skeletons. The subtlety of it made it even scarier, the skeletons all seemed to be enjoying themselves and no in-your-face menace, just enough to make it creepy. Finally the #18 Monster Blood 2 cover really got to me, probably because we had a class pet, some sort of rodent, at the time. The cover featured a giant hamster with huge sharpened beaver-like teeth, busting out of his cage. The addition of a green goo dripping down the desk made the whole situation that much more sinister. The covers were all pretty simple but bold; a little cheesy but still scary and disturbing. They were a pretty perfect children's horror series, but the books which truly scared me were the Scary Stories series.

As most everyone reading this has probably lived and breathed horror their whole lives I'm sure you have all seen and read at least one. The illustrations for these stories, which were culled from all sorts of myths, legends, and folklore, were and still are some of the most haunting ink drawings I've ever seen. All were in black and white, with the colors bleeding together almost like accidental ink blots that then morphed into surreal beasts. The appendages were spindly, long, and draw out, and the faces were contorted with hollow eyes and wide-open screaming mouths. The muted lines gave an almost airy aura to the whole illustration. I don't even remember the stories, but the illustrations will remain imprinted in my mind. Although horror was few and far between in my upbringing, I count these illustrations as a major influence on both my interest in certain artists and upon my own visual expression.

- Peter Poison

Peter lives at the house of grog along with Tromeric. While he does not partake of the grog itself, he is heavily involved in the marathons and party's that revolve around it. Originally from New England, he found his way to Portland three years ago. He spends much of his time hiking and fishing in the Washington and Oregon outdoors. He is an artist who has had shows including one at the Lovecraft. He loves Honey Buns, M & Ms, Fritos, Southern Rap, and Doom Metal.

The Softer Side of a Hate Crime

Earlier this year I got a review query for a film called "Hate Crime." I watched it, and it punched me in the dick with force I rarely feel. I instantly was a fan of James based on this alone. Turns out, he is a pretty bad ass dude who is fun to bullshit with about all things horror. He gave me a list of his top ten kiddie horror films, and now I will share it with you.


I have always loved horror films, but more specifically children horror films because there is a sense of magical realism and dark fairy tales within them. I grew up on horror and loved that when I wanted something more tame I could watch a children's movie with horror elements. Horror is and always has been dark fairy tales for adults. I have to give a big shout out to FULL MOON, they made many of the movies I grew up on as a kid, but alas I must make a list, so here are my favorites:

 

- James Cullen Bressack

Born and raised in Los Angeles, James was surrounded by film his entire life. His father was a three time Emmy award winning writer, and his mother was a voice actress, so all he knew was the industry. At the age of 4 James' father took him into the recording studio of his new TV show. Immediately James walked around directing. From that moment on He was obsessed with the world of film. Making a few short films and then moving forward to writing features. He sent out his first feature screen play at the age of 18 and The film was immediately funded. James was given the opportunity to direct his first horror movie. Arguably the youngest horror writer/director to date, James is dedicated to his craft and loves it! He opened up Psykik Junky Pictures, a production company that he hopes to use to make numerous films people will love! Check out his official Facebook and watch the "Hate Crime" trailer below.

Peach MoMoKo takes on 'Gakkou No Kwaidan' (translated: School's Kwaidan)

A Portland based artist that bought all of my movies involving little things that kill.



Peach has done a painting based off of Gakkou No Kwaidan. It is a Japanese elementary school urban legend. Make sure to click the picture to see it in all of its full size glory. A link to a movie based off the legend is also below.

Make sure to check out Peach's website here.

Maynard's Hocus Pocus Diary

I instantly became a fan of Maynard's after just reading a few reviews. Brutally honest and to the point.

HOCUS POCUS

Alternate German Title:
Hocus Pocus - Drei zauberhafte Hexen

USA, 1993
Director: Kenny Ortega

7/10

I haven't seen this movie before, and honestly, I would have never watched it if I wasn't invited to Eric's blogfest. Why? Simply because it didn't interest me. Apart from several exceptions ("The Goonies", "The Witches", "Monster Squad"...) I've never been into kids movies, especially not into the Disney stuff.
When Eric invited me, I was like "Oh no! Not kids movies!" But at second thought, it couldn't be worse than all the crap I watch for "Project Terrible", and so I decided to check "Hocus Pocus" out - and omg, I ended up pleasantly surprised!

Kenny Ortega, the hack behind teenie schlock like the "High School Musical" trilogy, directed a playful, lighthearted and amusing kids comedy, based on a script by Mick Garris ("Masters Of Horror") and Neil Cuthbert ("Return Of Swamp Thing"). At times a bit cheesy, some of the CGI looks pretty dated and I could have done without the singing - aside from that, it's fun!

"Hocus Pocus" is pure entertainment from beginning to end without ever getting boring. It's packed with hilarious dialogue and superfunny one-liners, cool ideas and great-looking make-up effects. John Debney ("I Know What You Did Last Summer") delivered a fantastic score that strongly reminded me of Danny Elfman's works, Hiro Narita's ("No Man's Land") cinematography is beautiful, the settings look great and the editing is superb.

The cast is obviously the best thing about it: an uber-fabulous Bette Midler ("I shall kill you again, you maggoty malfeasance!"), a surprisingly super-hot and super-sexy Sarah Jessica Parker ("Farewell, mortal bus-boy!"), a fantastic young Thora Birch, years before her super-stunning role in "The Hole" ("Max likes your yabbos... in fact, he loves them!"), Omri Katz ("You've messed with the great and powerful Max!"), Charles Rocket ("It's not dad. It's Dad-cula.") and Doug Jones ("Wench! Trollop! You bucktoothed, mop-riding firefly from hell!!").

Hands down, "Hocus Pocus" is a delightful little fun-flick and I'm almost ashamed that I've never been interested in watching it. Thumbs... um, Brooms up! :)

Wiki ~ Imdb

- Maynard

Maynard is a  huge Fan of Morrissey, Bret Easton Ellis, Maynard James Keenan and Horror Movies. Make sure to check out his page Horror Movie Diary here.

How I Became a Horror Loving Kid (Brobocop)

I first met Brobo while doing lists of top films by year. I then started reading his stuff which caused me to laugh so hard I came beer. He has since become a friend and I always am waiting for his next post. King of the gifs, bad ass of the bad, He is mother fucking Brobocop. 

So, here's the story about how Brobocop (ME!) became a horror loving kid. I kinda went into this a little bit in my "What Halloween Means to Me" post over at Son Of Celluloid last month, where I explained that Creature From the Black Lagoon was prematurely my first horror film, and that I originally only saw maybe five minutes of it. In July of 2011, I did a review over on my blog for Silver Bullet, and went into how it was my honest first R rated horror film. So, with all this being said, I would like to start out with how I was a little chicken shit when it came to horror before I actually embraced it. Who or what was it that scared me?

This mother fucker right here.

Fred Krueger. I was terrified of him, and didn't even know what the bastard son of a thousand maniacs looked like. 

Wait, what? 

Yeah, I know. 

I'm guessing the year was 1985, and A Nightmare on Elm Street was premiering on HBO. My older sister caught wind of this through good ole TV Guide. She and my Mother were pretty big horror fans (not fanatics, mind you), so they were gonna sit up and watch it, as well as record it, for what would become many, many, many future viewings. Anyway, even being that I was about 7 or 8, my Mom had told me early on in the day that I could watch it with them. I was fucking stoked. Being that age and being given the OK to watch an R rated horror film felt extremely taboo and awesome. It's all I thought about for the remainder of the day, and well on into the evening before it came on. But as the time grew closer to the premiere, I chickened the shit out; told my Mom about a half hour before it started that I was tired and wanted to go to bed. So, even though I was honestly too scared to watch it, I was still very curious...

So, I left my fucking bedroom door open, which was a monumental mistake.

I couldn't see anything, because my room was in a hallway, and after that came the kitchen, then came the TV room... but I could hear EVERYTHING. Thinking about it now, had I grew enough balls to actually watch it with them, I'm not so sure it would have affected me as badly as it did. It probably would have fucking freaked me out, but there wouldn't have been any mystery. I think that's the worst; being scared of something uncertain. I laid in my bed in a fierce sweat while faux shitting my Underoos for the entire runtime. If I weren't so damn scared, I would have gotten out of bed and shut my door, but fuck that- I had a bunk bed and slept on top, so my thought was that anyone could be on that bottom bunk just waiting for me to make that error. And another factor, had I gotten up and shut the door, I would have been in a dark as hell room by myself- so double fuck that. I laid there with the door wide open, listening to what sounded like 90 minutes of pure anguish. The music was creepy, the screaming was creepier, and his (Fred) voice was absolutely unsettling. I remember yelling for my Mom at one point and her coming to check on me, while loud cackles from my sister crept through the house and into my bedroom... taunting me. My Mom told me I should close the door, and I declined. What a fucking douche nozzle I was.

Now, I can't remember how long it took, but I didn't sleep right for a long ass time. Furthermore, it took me at least 8 months or so before I mustered up enough bravery to watch an R rated horror film. I guess my Mom caught Silver Bullet one night and figured it was tame enough, because that was the film that she broke me in with. I loved it. I loved the werewolf, I loved Gary Busey and Corey Haim's chemistry. Though, back then, I didn't understand chemistry; I just wanted to be the kid and I thought Busey was funny as fuck. To this day, werewolves are still my favorite monster and Silver Bullet is directly responsible for that. It holds a huge place in my heart, and always will.

Anyhoo, I remember bragging to my sister that I had watched a horror film. Once I told her what it was, she replied with "Okay, let's watch A Nightmare on Elm Street." Uhhh, NO. Still wasn't ready for that. Honestly, I'm not sure how much longer it took, but it was within the year. And somehow once I did, I wasn't scared at all. The movie honestly changed me. I watched it on the daily. Then part 2 hit video. My sister at the time hated it- I guess she felt it had lost the scares and charms of the first. But me- I was somehow automatically convinced that a horror film couldn't scare me anymore anyway, and I was right (at least until I got older and thought about horror films that had realistic scenarios, and was and still am able to be scared from time to time). I just loved the movies for the character and all the messed up shit he did. By the time Dream Warriors came out, I had my Mom buying me tickets to go see it with a friend. My bedroom walls went from E.T. posters and Empire Strikes Back bed sheets to Fangoria Magazine pictures and Elm Street video store promo posters. I guess I was kinda obsessed. I even made my own ghetto Freddy glove before a toy company brought them out. I started watching Friday the 13th and Halloween films like a motherfucker, but Krueger was always my favorite as a youngster. It took time for me to appreciate Jason and Michael more than Freddy. 

Well, that's about the size of it! For a long time, and after I got over the scared shitless speed bump known as A Nightmare on Elm Street, horror films were the only thing I watched, minus wrasslin'. I have fond memories of USA Saturday Nightmares and Cinemax's Full Moon Madness introducing me to the likes of Puppet Master and Cellar Dweller. Later on, I began to re-embrace other genres, such as Sci-Fi operas and 'so bad they're good' Cannon action films, and more... but horror was, is, and always will be at the center of my soul. 

-Brobocop signing off.

Back Online. Back On Duty.

I'm a kid stuck in the body of a 35 year old douche bag dude with giant tits. Sick jams, flicks, booze and weed... that's all the fucks that Brobocop needs!

Welcome to A Look Back on Horror with Training Wheels

I have been wanting to do a collaborative week here on the grog for a while. I have been lucky enough to have been part of quite a few great ones, and figured it was about time my drunk ass set one up. While brainstorming, and by brainstorming I mean sipping on some Bushmills and listening to horror scores, kid's horror stood out. I mean, where does horror fanaticism begin? I was thinking about this, and it obviously is different for each person.This is a fact that became even more evident as I have been reading the entries I have received.  Some people have been watching horror their whole lives. Some have had restraints. Whether it was parental guidance, religious upbringing, or just lack of material. In the next week you will find different reviews, lists, articles, and some other odds and ends. Please make sure to check all the contributors other sites, movies, bands, products, or whatever else they are a part of.

I would also like to take this time to thank all of the contributors. I know everyone involved has tons of other things they have to divide their time between, so taking the time out to write up the awesome that has been submitted has not gone unnoticed.


- Tromeric

Tromeric can be found sitting in a dark room watching Homeward Bound followed by A Serbian Film.  He found a secret potion called the grog.  It is similar to The Gummi Bears Gummibear Juice but instead of making him bounce from here to everywhere it gives him the ability to endure movies such as Blood Freak and The Room on a regular basis. When he drinks the grog he also has the ability to have more references that you don't understand than Wikipedia.  In the off chance he is taking a break from the grog you can find him drinking coffee from a cup with half of the Black Dahlia pictured on it, eating Count Chocula, and making lists about whether The Taint has a better soundtrack than Voyage of the Rock Aliens. Outside of Guts and Grog, he also writes for Couch Cutter.

Puppet Master X: Axis Rising- Charles Band

I have been watching "Puppet Master" films longer than I have been able to ejaculate after jerking off. "Axis Rising" is the tenth one, not counting "Legacy." That means two things. I am old as shit and Puppet Master last longer than I did as a seven year old.

Blade's face is the first thing you see, it then zooms through his eye hole and shit starts getting real. We meet up with some Nazis who are hating on our freedom. There is a Dr. who is trying to make awesome dolls, but is not that good at it. An Ilsa rip off who has awesome Nazi titties, and a pissed off Hitler wannabe. They have their shit cut out though. They have to face two teenagers, a military nut, and the classic puppets. It is like a sitcom I once saw called "Two kids, puppets, and a sarge." Well, the Nazis realize they need some help so they create their own puppets since the Dr found the Re-Animator juice. They have a Nazi tank, a Nazi werewolf, a Nazi babe, and the most racist Japanese puppet since "Team America." Once the puppet on puppet action starts, you know this shit is going to own.

"Puppet Master" came out in 1989. It was the heyday of straight to VHS films. They had backing from a studio, and they looked amazing. Today things are way different. Is this the same as the first? Fuck no. There is no way it could be. It should not be compared to such. It is awesome. It is low budget. It is cheesy at times. It has a lot of heat. Don't go into this expecting eighties awesome. You will be disappointed.If you just wanna open up the chest and revisit your old pals such as Six Shooter, Blade, Tunneler, Leech Woman, Pinhead, and Jester and have a fun ride watching them fight Nazis. Order this shit now.


3.5/5

Tromeric

And the winner is........

First off. I wanna say thank you to everyone that signed up or helped push this. I was not sure we would hit the minimum entry count. I know most is due to everyone that helped share. It is way harder than it should be to get people to sign up to win free shit. Who knew? Well I meant to do this yesterday but went to get lunch in the afternoon and somehow got sidetracked and it ended up becoming an all day event featuring tons of grog, strippers, and just constant chaos of awesome. Well the time has come. Lets draw this lucky winner. Go to the bottom for the winner.




































Eric King. Sorry to everyone else. I wish I had more to give. I really appreciate everyone that takes the time to read or share my nonsense.

-Tromeric

Hate Crime Trailer Drops

A couple of months ago, I had the chance to see a film that is just now starting to hit festivals. It was a movie that destroyed me. Well, the trailer has finally dropped before it hits Pollygrind and some other fests. If you are interested of what I thought click here. A shirt has also been released that will make you feel dirty(in a good way) the first time you wear it. Click the photo to order, right after you watch the trailer below.

Kill List- Ben Wheatley

Kill List is a difficult film to categorize into a genre, as it has a myriad of elements from horror, drama and action, but overall I would categorize it as a very intense psychological horror movie. It follows an assassin turned family man by the name of Jay, who is pressured into taking a new assignment by his friend and cohort, Gal. As the nature of the task slowly unfolds throughout the movie, Jay becomes increasingly submerged into a trail of violence and confusion which lead up to a very memorable climax.
Does this sound familiar? Well, that's because it is, but it's a bit deceiving. Beyond the somewhat mundane premise, Kill List sets itself apart from the others quite easily. Wheatley maintains a very glum overtone where all of the relationships within the characters feel unsteady and ready to unravel at any moment. Kill List holds a calculated atmosphere that leaves you feeling uneasy from beginning to end as it slowly reveals details leading to some surprising conclusions. It's home to unexpected twists and turns, clever foreshadowing and bouts intense violence. I don't want to give away too much of this film as I think it's best served without much knowledge about it beforehand, but this is definitely one of the most surprisingly well-done films I've seen all year. Highly recommended.

4.5/5

Cody DeLarge

Grog Contest Number Three

As some may know I recently sold most of my DVD collection. It was not my first choice but I needed the cash and you do what you have to do. Well, I still have a few of the OOP or rare titles left. I was going to put them on Ebay but I thought it might be fun to give all my fellow horror lovers a chance to add them to their collection. Most of these discs go from forty to one hundred fifty a piece. Outside of that, they are all great films in my opinion. Because of the epicness of this prize I am going to have a few more rules than I usually do. Still simple. Just a few guidelines I guess.

1. Like the Guts and Grog FB or Twtter

2. In the comments section let me know your favorite article/list/review I have written. It can be anything listed on the site, that includes articles I have written on other sites which you can find in the "My shit elsewhere" section. You also need to leave your name and email address.

3. This is the big one. I will only pick a winner if there are at least fifty entries. So what I need from all of you is to share the hell out of this. Tell your friends, put it on all the social networking sites you can.



Well onto the goods.

Three Code Red titles: Madman, Rituals, and Nightmare.
Popcorn: OOP
Nekromantik: Barrel edition
Possession/Shock: Anchor Bay double feature
Murder Set Pieces- Directors cut: Very limited.


Going off Amazon prices that is around three hundred bucks worth of awesome. All you have to do is enter and share. Thanks for taking the time and good luck. If there are at least fifty entries by October 13th I will draw a lucky winner.


-Tromeric

Beyond The Black Rainbow- Panos Cosmatos

Here's the best description I can think of for this movie: If David Cronenberg directed his interpretation of Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey with the 80's flare and soundtrack of Drive, then you would get Beyond the Black Rainbow.

That's really all you need to know. For some people that sentence will be exciting and for others it sounds terrible, and to be honest, it's kind of both depending on what you're looking for. Beyond the Black Rainbow is the film debut of director Panos Cosmatos and it's certainly interesting. It's vibrant, experimental, visually arresting, slow-paced, confusing, ambiguous and borderline pretentious at times, but it's definitely interesting. The story follows a girl named Elena who is held captive in a space-age 80's set called Arboria that looks directly out of a Stanley Kubrick film. Elena is heavily sedated and held hostage by a creepily monotone villain that is watching over her. Oh, and did I mention that Elena has a psychokinetic power to make your head explode a la Conenberg's Scanners? Well she does.

If this synopsis sounds confusing, it's because it is. It really doesn't shed much more light on the vague premise than that. Cosmos has chosen to take a style-over-substance approach to his film and I think it happens to work well. One spectacular scene in particular shows our villain downing a handful of pills while the wall behind him begins to melt like a bright red candle. It's scenes of visual imagination like this that make up for the lack of storytelling and characters in the story which makes it a pretty polarizing experience. If you enjoy films such as Enter the Void, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Moon, The Fountain, etc. that tend to shine visually more than logically then I would definitely recommend checking this one out. Being buzzed is highly encouraged.

3.5/5

Cody DeLarge

V/H/S- Matt Bettinelli-Olpin/David Bruckner/Tyler Gillett/Justin Martinez/Glenn McQuaid/Joe Swanberg/Chad Villella/Ti West/Adam Wingard

V/H/S is a movie that I've been hearing about constantly lately and it's the newest installment in one of my favorite sub-genres of horror: the anthology. A group of indie horror directors (including the extremely promising Ti West) teamed up to create five short stories all based on the concept of found footage from a video camera, with a wraparound story of the same style to loosely tie them all together. Basically, a group of thieves are sent on a mission to obtain a VHS tape from a strangers house, only to find there is a corpse in the living room in front of a stack of static televisions. Naturally, the thieves decide to watch a few of the tapes, and thus, the short stories begin.

Personally, I've been burnt out on the found footage craze in horror for quite a while, but I found V/H/S to be a great balance between inventiveness and nostalgia, so I think it works in this case. All five of the stories vary somewhat in quality, but they all complement each other very well to make a great final product. One of my favorite things about this movie was how nostalgic it is. It clearly references classic 70's and 80's films, and the found footage dynamic reminded me of the golden era of seeing my favorite genre films on a fuzzy tape instead of the glossy high definition of today. It is also worth mentioning that the young unknown cast did an excellent job throughout the movie. Especially with this sub-genre, creating believable characters and conversations is essential and V/H/S clearly understood this. Like all found footage films, there is definitely some annoying filler to start all of the stories, but once they start they definitely kept my attention with eerie atmosphere and intense violence. If you want a fairly unique, edgy and entertaining new horror film, I think V/H/S would be a fine choice.



4/5


Cody DeLarge