Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Friday, September 30, 2011

The Simpsons: Tree House of Horror a Retrospective

     Being thirty one and growing up I am sure it goes without saying The Simpsons played an integral part in my growing up. Since I also was a huge horror nerd and spent more time on the playground talking about Chucky and Freddy than I did about about poontang and the Halloween special was something I looked forward to more than finally blowing a load(seriously it was like three years of dick chafe) after jerkin my gerkin. I loved all the references to Dracula and Clockwork Orange and plenty that at the time I didn't get. Seeing Bart as the raven was amazing as I was a huge Poe fan and every year there I would eat my candy and laugh my god damn ass off. This of course continued into High School and beyond. There was a few years I would say fifteen to nineteen that I didn't have TV and to be honest had grown tired of The Simpsons. Since then I have went back and watched all of them and for the most part love most. My biggest complaint would be the Mr and Mrs Smith one. Wow, who gives a shit? That movie wasn't horror and lasted about five minutes in the spot light. 
    I have been wanting to sit down and watch all of them back to back for a while now but just never found the time to do it. I knew it would be fun, I also knew it would be painful. I have learned over the years that all marathons get hard no matter how good the subject is. I am not talking double features I am talking balls to the wall marathons. I have done everything from A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Halloween, Saw, Puppet Master, Children of the Corn, Tremors and Critters. Over at the Badnetflix Crew   I am known as captain of the endurance division. The grog does help but by the end of any of these marathons I am tired, drunk, irritable and question my sanity. That of course doesn't stop me and I will always to them as Pinhead would agree pain is pleasure.  Well the time came and I saw an opportunity so I took it. Steph Infection was here and Gabe Nye the Science guy was gonna come join in.

Do you know what the fuck that means? I don't.
I had booze, and snacks and monster cereals. It was go time.  As I watched each episode and got more affected by the grog my notes got more confusing and nonsensical, but at the same time I think they portray what I was feeling pretty well. Here is a actual episode guide if you want to see where I am coming from but I would just like to share with you my madness.       My handwriting has always been considered a form of abstract art but after two fifths even I don't understand everything. I will use a secret decoder ring I got in my box of Fruit Brute(I wish) to desipher what is happening and you may have to put yourself in my world to grasp what is going on. Are you ready for this challenge? If so here are my drunk observations on every episode of Tree House of Horror(which as I found out was not called that till episode thirteen). Enjoy?

Episode One 
Haunted house story
When a Stranger Calls reference
Poltergeist reference
Aliens Rule, kind of a Hansel and Gretel in space
Edgar Allen Poe
Bart's a Raven

Episode Two
Bride of Frankenstein Hair
Monkeys Paw
Twilight Zone
Frankenstein meets Robowar
Thing with two Heads

Episode Three

Alfred Hitchcock Presents
Alex from Clockwork Bart
Gremlins meets Trilogy of Terror
King Kong
Smithers doesn't think girls and seaman mix
Night of the Living Dead meets Return of the Living Dead meets Serpent and the Rainbow

Episode Four

Night Gallery  Opening 
The Devil and Homer Simpson= The Devil and Miss Jones
Devil Flanders
Hot Dog Jokes
Terror at five and a half feet(Wheres Shatner?)
Burns as Dracula
Lost Boys
Charlie Brown Christmas
Adams Family Simpsons song

Episode Five

Outer Limits intro
Shining like a mother fucker
Ray Bradbury's Sound of Thunder

Episode Six

Sleepy Hollow
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman
Godzilla Roar
Nightmare on Elm Street references like a mother fucker

Episode Seven

Twilight Zone of course
Earth vs The Flying Saucers

Episode Eight

Omega Man- Obviously. I am as drunk as Hasslehoff and I got that.
The Fly
Spy vs Spy
Origins of Halloween
The Crucible meets Witches of Eastwick
Episode Nine 
Freddy and Jason on couch gag
Stay Tuned?
Starship Troopers
How Stella got her Groove Back reference
Jerry Springer in his hay day

Episode Ten

I know what you did last Summer
Sixties Batman
Pauly Shore and Tom Arnold
Rossie O Donnell not in S & M

Episode Eleven

Munsters Intro
Ghost Dad title
This episode was Casey Anthony's inspiration
Fairy Tales without Linea Quigley
Free Willy fucked Echo the Dolphin
Jaws reference with less bush
Deep Blue Sea but more white
Dolphins are Indians
The Birds reference
Quote of the day "I wanna punch a dolphin so bad." - Gabe Nye the Science Guy

Episode Twelve

Psycho House
Flinstones and Shining twins costumes
Thinner without road head
Bart is like those African lady's I used to jerk off to in National Geographic
2001 reference
Harry Potter

Episode  Thirteen

Officially becomes Tree House of Horror
Dr Strangelove to save the day
Apocalypse Now FTW
Island of Dr Moreau

Episode Fourteen

Charlie Brown opening
Benny Hill
Reefer Madness title
Staying Alive Walk=less retarded than Spider-Man 3
Jerry Lewis
Superman vs Patty Hearst=Amazing
Fantastic reference

Episode Fifteen

Perfect Strangers intro
Dead Zone(I use to have Dead Zone powers)
Homer is Lex in Smallville
Jack the Ripper
Sherlock without dinosaurs
Fantastic Voyage

Episode Sixteen

13 Ghosts fucked The Most Dangerous Game
Edward Scissorhands reference
A.I. is a douche
Like that episode of Buffy where her mom fucks Giles
Bewitched reference
Sports jokes make as much sense to me as reality does to religious nutzos

Episode Seventeen

Tales from the mother fucking Crypt opening
The Blob without the less Dillon(who I like better)
Homers stomach is like that bitch from the new Twilight trailer
Sir Mix a Lot song upgraded
Day the Earth stood Still

Episode Eighteen

Kenny Loggins Jewish Space Creature
One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest
Fuck you Mr and Mrs Smith
Hell House-Christian Scare doc reference
Devil Flanders 2: Electric Boogaloo
Transformers reference

Episode Nineteen

Foosball for real
Prince is deadaroo
John Wayne in Heaven
Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

Episode Twenty

Monster Squad sports heroes
Heath Ledger without pill popping action
Dial M for Murder
Hitch Cameo
28 Days Later
McBain meets Terminator
Phantom of the Opera
Random musical bullshit

Episode Twenty One

Office intro with monsters
Board Games come to life= Told the future IE Battleship
Titanic reference
Dead Calm is pretty sweet
Second Clockwork costume
Twilight Simpsons>Twighlight
Jock from Can't Hardly Wait is Dracula?
I wanna hang out with Count Chocula, Dracula, Grandpa Munster, Elvira, Blacula, and the Muppet Drac

Well I spent my whole day watching this and hope that someone out there can figure out what the fuck I am saying. I don't know. 


No comments: