Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Mortician Matt: Top 10 Comedies

The thing about me making a list about comedies is that I really haven't watch a lot of comedies.  Yes I've seen many, but mostly at the recommendation of one Tromeric.  Why did I not watch many comedies?  I didn't need to.  You see, I've know Tromeric since 1st grade and believe me when I say that the shit we did growing up was often times far more hilarious than the antics in the funniest of comedies.  I wouldn't even know where to begin, but I'd like to think that if a comp film were made of some of these stories, that it would be damn funny.  Perhaps funny enough to include on some of these lists.  Also, you, the reader, may see the film Problem Child show up in these lists.  Make no mistake about it, Problem Child is neither funny nor entertaining in any other way.  Fuck Problem Child, right in the eye.  Fuck that movie.  Here's my top 10.

Honorable Mention: Friday - "Put some water on that damn shit!"

10. Raising Arizona - I understand that not everybody considers this a comedy, but I find it hilarious. John Goodman just fucking YELLING all the time has me floored every time I watch it.

9.  Grandma's Boy - I saw this for the first time 2 weeks ago. I loved this movie for two reasons. 1. It was damn funny and had the greatest weed smoking scene ever. The one after he quit his job, smoked a bowl, received a call and said something like "What are you talking about, I quit that job two months ago." That's my perspective every time I smoke. 2. Linda Cardellini is looking hot as fuck!

8. FDR - Another movie I had no expectations going in. It had me on the floor. One thing I'm grateful for, is that my cack still works after having watched this.

7.The Jerk - There is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. So funny from beginning to end.

 6. The Great Outdoors - Many years ago, a young Mortician Matt and a young Tromeric watch this movie with a close friend at Tromeric's house. One of the most hilarious things happened. When the dude gets hit by lightning as he's running through the woods, I SHIT laughing so hard and proceeded to rewind and rewatch that moment at least 25 times. Loudly laughing each time and yelling "LIGHTNING!" in a sarcastic tone. Well, Tromeric's mother was there and we were being fucking loud. So he told us to stop watching the lightning scene and suggested we go out and get pizza. Well, our friend said something to the effect of "All you think about is eating you fat fuck, and you just want me to pay" or something like that. Well, Eric then said he'd sell some of his CD's to pay for the pizza to get us the fuck out of the house. So I said "that's dumb dude, you don't need to sell your CD's so we can eat pizza." Then, he started getting really pissed and said "You think I care about the CD's?" and violently grabbed one of his CD's and started trying to eat it. Broke the CD all over the place. We never went to pizza.

5. Ernest Scared Stupid - BULGARIAN MIAK! Fuck yes! Every Halloween I make at least 10 jokes referencing Bulgarian Miak! Not only is the movie funny, but it has Ernest, which is enough for me to enjoy it.

4. Ghoulies III - I cannot say anything to sum up my love for this movie. I saw it for the first time only 2 years ago and it's made the list (though less impressive than number 9). Ghoulies Go To College. The beer, the upskirts. It's so funny, there are just no words.

3. Superbad - One of the funniest things I'd ever seen that I never expected is when the guys trip over the fucking tent when they are jumping fences through backyards. I pee'd. What an amazingly surprising and realistic moment of comedy.

2. Whoopee Boys - There is one reason why this isn't number one. I saw Hot Tub Time Machine. If I hadn't seen this, it would still after over 20 years reign supreme on this list. This movie is so good that I hear that they had shrimp the size of bulls balls at the filming locations. This shit rocked me like Amadeus and made me shit in the bidet. This is one of the funniest movies that almost nobody has seen and it's a real shame. It'll make you look at your girlfriend and remember that sure, you care for her, but you want to fuck her.

1. Hot Tub Time Machine - I had no desire to see this movie whatsoever, but Tromeric told me that it was one of the funniest movies he's ever seen, so trusting his judgment I gave it a try. Fuck me this shit was funny! I don't remember what I ate that day, but if I'd overeaten, I would have shit myself. Very few movies having me laughing on top of laughing, and this one takes the award for the movie that did that the most. The bear in the fucking hot tub might be the funniest shit I have ever seen short of Dennis driving while eating a bowl of cereal on It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Whoever edited the trailer needs a new job, because they made one of the funniest movies ever look terrible. 

Mortician Matt is a musician and family man who knows more about wrestling than a grown man should. He has contributed to 411Mania and spends lots of time hiking and shit. His career involves picking up dead bodies that may or may not have "fallen" on their own.   

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