Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Monday, December 8, 2014

Tromeric's Top 500: 500-451


Part road movie, part personal journey, part narcoleptic male prostitute opus. One of my favorite Van Sant flicks.


Clint Howard is so much cooler than his brother. I absolutely love him as the dairy obsessed killer. Also one of my favorite episodes of Monstervision. 


The first film I ever switched cases on to sneak out of the video store. I was like ten. I, at the time of course believed everything was real. It was one of the only films that ever bothered me. Later I of course realized that most of it was not nearly as real as my brain, and the VHS had told me. Grab a beer, and feed this bitch into your machine. Always a good night. 


My favorite Disney movie written by Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna. I saw this in the discount theater many times on its initial release. So much fun, and basically a throwback to the atomic age Sci-Fi. 


Also known as The Death Wheelers. A hilarious take on biker culture, with a zombie twist. The song. Goddamn, the song. 


A staple of my childhood. Maybe not the most classic Van Damme film, but so bad ass. 

One of the best made for TV King adaptations. I recorded this off Television when it initially aired. I love all the flashbacks, and how it manages to actually be a bit heartwarming, while still being a bad ass supernatural tale.Followed by two sequels with amazingly lazy titles. 


No one does Lovecraft better than Gordon. Watching this makes me feel like the Elder Gods are watching over me, and keep my stein full of awesome. Oh, and sexy fish people. 

The Asylum makes its first of many appearances on this list. This may be their most entertaining film. It is so bat shit crazy. You haven't lived until you have seen Hitler's incarnation in this film. 


So sleazy and fun. One of the great body count flicks from the eighties. 


A love letter to one of my favorites. A near perfect documentary whether you care about the subject matter or not.


This movie is my shit. A contender for saddest movie ever. Watch out VonTrier. Baby wants that title. 


I know I will get a lot of shit for this, but I love it. I enjoyed Zombie's first take on the Halloween franchise, but this is really where he sold me. So bizarre and beautiful. The kills are great. Michael stabs the shit out of people. Oh, and Weird Al. 


Android teachers go crazy and kill kids. It's what I assume will happen with the self checkout lines at grocery stores in the near future.


Van Damme with a mullet punching animals in the face. Need I say more? 


Possibly Polanski's creepiest film. 


So hard to believe this is from 1960. So sleazy and ahead of its time.


When Jackie was king. Still some of the best stunts in any movie, ever. 


Holiday horror is a staple in the slasher genre.This one is definitely a classic. So many great kills, and the montage in the toy shop is easily one of the best montages in montage history. Remember. You better run.....for your life. 


Mr. Marz is a madman. He kills some kids. It's fun to watch. 


I could listen to Herzog talk for days. 


I love a movie where the dialogue alone can keep me entertained. I get sucked into this every time it is on. So awkward, but engrossing. 


You can't deny it's importance. Not my favorite from the series by any means, but a fun body count whodunit slasher, for sure.


The three babesiest babes of all time babedom. So much fun, and like I said. Babes.


I remember hearing about this, and being confused why I should care about a movie about Facebook. Then I saw it. Fincher pretty much always kills it. This is no exception. The score is mind blowing.


I rented this many times from the local mom and pop video store, growing up. H.G. Lewis is an obsession of mine. I appreciate his no care, gore it up attitude. I love the insanity of this flick in particular.


One of my favorite murderous couples. One of Stone's masterpieces for sure. Rodney Dangerfield is a beast.


When I first read about this, I shit. The list of directors included some of my favorites. One of the best overall anthology films for sure. I like every story, but Buck's is my favorite. Such a beautiful look at death.


Joesph Zito and Dolph? Fuck yeah. A staple of 80's action.


This movie is the shit. I watch it at least once a year. Chris Elliot, Chevy Chase, and Iggy Pop. How can you not love it with those three names? Metallica sucks!


A classic for a reason. Definitely watched this so much as a kid, that I had to take a decade off to recharge. After a break, I returned to it, and it holds up insanely well. Bring out your dead.


One of the great punk flicks. Pretty bat shit insane, touching, and pretty goddamn funny.


I wish I owned that gun.


This movie makes me happy. No matter what is going on, it always makes my day better, and she is beautiful to an insane level.


One of my favorite SOV flicks. I love how weird it is edited, and the creature is amazing.


One of the coolest documentaries I have seen. Spanning such a long time period, and dealing with some deeply personal stuff. If not for any other reason, you have to see this because of the clip from Blue Velvet: The Musical.


Such a rad sci-fi/horror/action film. Cool effects, highly entertaining, and well written.


A slow start, but once it gets going it's one of the best examples of bad film working. The gif birds are so rad. The only thing that makes it better, is watching the Rifftrax version.


I included both of these, as it is basically the same movie, just made in two different times. Blood Feast started it all when it comes to gore. If Lewis and Friedman hadn't ripped a really fake looking tongue out of a pretty lady, gore films may not be what they are today. Perfect by no means, but entertaining, and historically important. Blood Feast 2 is just a blast. He took the same formula he had used, and made it bloodier, and goofier.


JGL straight kills it in this role. So funny, yet such a heartwarming story. The entire cast is excellent, and I seriously shit at some of the hijinks in this flick.


One of the best animated kids horror flicks out there. It looks absolutely beautiful, and the story is great. Not to mention how rad the monsters are.


The film that inspired Wes Craven to make Last House on the Left. A beautiful and disturbing tale of revenge.


This is one of those films I had no anticipation of caring about. I am not a huge Superman fan, but I still gave it a shot. I ended up loving it. Some cool action, but mostly it is just gorgeous. So many shots look like a Malick flick.


This shit kills me every time. One of the most consistently funny films I have seen. You never get a chance to breath.


Even us gore obsessed nerds need a good love story sometimes. The cast in this all blow it away.


I remember watching this at a birthday party in grade school. It was one of the first action films that got me hooked on the eighties wave of badass action flicks. Up until then, I was pretty much exclusively a horror nerd. This opened up my eyes to Seagal, Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and most importantly Dolph mother fucking Lundgren. Anyways, back to this. A perfect action film, and arguably Van Damme's best work.


Possibly the best Jesus beating in any movie, and lots of it. Seriously though,this film has some of the best effects of the last fifty years, and it's unapologetically graphic. The ending is stupid as shit, but the rest of the film makes up for it. It also wins the award for most out of place scene when Jesus invents the table in the middle of a bunch of Jesus beating.


The brutality mixed with the bizarre acting style have always made this a favorite of mine. There are a couple scenes I could have done with out, but it's so brutally beautiful that I always go back to it.


Everyone is great in this, and I will forever love that Solondz just used a giant black box to avoid dealing with the MPAA.


Stay tuned for the continuation of Tromeric's Top 500.


1 comment:

Davey Christ said...

An excellent start, Sir.