Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Netflix- A blessing or a curse?

     I was asked to make a list of the best Netflix streaming by Cas One, seemed like a good idea but I was not sure what angle I wanted to take as there are so many movies on this god damn thing.  I talked to some people and threw the idea around and got some good ideas such as do it by category, or do a weekly column which would make sense as it does update somewhat frequently. Well as I went through the lists and lists of movies and took just the ones I loved I realized there are a fuck ton and it would take a christ age to do and as I already have many other projects I opted for a one time list with a little anecdote on why each film rules.  This list is very diverse and no one is going to agree with all of them.  I have everything from The Asylums latest forays into awesomely bad cinema all the way to What some people would so elegantly call "art fag movies."  This list is in no particular order and by next week will be outdated but for a time capsule and as a reference guide I hope all of you can find something useful from this even if it is just my ramblings.

1. Puppet Master- The one that started them all. When I think of Full Moon I think of this.  Puppets that puke leaches and are based of Klaus Kinski.  Fuck Yeah.
2. Scanners- Best head explosion ever. Probably Cronenbergs most known film, while not my favorite still a staple in its own right. 
3. City of the Living Dead-  So many maggots and brain rips.  Fulci lives. The characters in this don't.
4. The Exorcist- Split pea soup and crucifix banging. 
5. Santas Slay- Jewish wrestler as Santa killing and saying bad ass things.  Fran Drescher gets the fuck killed out of her.
6. Monster Dog-  Slow burner but still a lot of fun. Alice Cooper was in this before he found Christ and Golf.  If King Diamond ever finds God I will shove a pineapple up my ass till I am dead, dead, dead. 
7. The Girl Next Door- Brutal, intense, and based of a Jack Ketchum Book. Stand by Me with torture.
8. Eight Legged Freaks- Fun giant shitty spiders fuck shit up.
9. Nightmare on Elm Street- The birth of Freddy.  
10. An American Werewolf in London- 80's fun, one of the best werewolf transformations ever.  The werewolf doesn't give you the finger so that's good.
11. The Burrowers- Tremors meets The Wild Bunch
12. Session 9-  Caruso is a douche.  This movie is still pretty fucking creepy.
13. Suspiria- Arguably Argentos best.  The music and the colors give me a semi.
14. Wes Cravens New Nightmare-  After Freddy became a bit of a joke Craven returns to turn him on his ass.  So good.
15. Phantasm- This Sphere is pissed. One of the best movies ever made. The Tall Man makes me feel like a little girl cowering in the corner wondering if the belt is gonna make contact one more time.
16. Zombieland- Best cameo ever.  Fun spin on the zom com.
17. Bram Stokers Dracula- Gary Oldman is so bad ass.  One of the best Dracula films ever made. 
18. Candyman- Tony Todd would even scare the Wu Tang with these killer bees.
19. The Evil Dead- Really? I have to explain this to you? Is that girl being raped by a tree branch?
20. The Gravedancers- Mike Mendez is such a bad ass. Every time I drunkenly end up in the cemetery I think of this.
21. Animals- Wow, what a piece of shit.  Cinemax could of made this in the 90's. But instead it just came out. So rad.
22. Troll 2- Best worst movie. Nilbog 4ever.
23. Sometimes they come back- Made for TV Stephen King movie.  Sad and entertaining.  One of my favorites in the King world. Spawned some of the best named sequels ever. 
24. Thankskilling- I got drunk last thanksgiving and watched this.  So badly awesome. Mosturd for the holidays.
25. Severence- So much fucking fun. The Office meets Evil Dead.
26. Subspecies- Another Full Moon staple. This is the beginning of their vampire opus. Way better than that Anne Rice bullshit. 
27.Phantasm 3: Lord of the Dead- The third in one of the best series ever. Not as good as 1 but still great and important for the entire experience.
28. The Toxic Avenger- Troma is the house that Toxie built. The first superhero from New Jersey.
29. Fire in the Sky- Based off a true story this is by far the scariest film I have ever seen.  Whether you beleive in life on another planet or not this will get under skin and rip its way out.
30. 8213 Gacy House- Paranormal Activity with the ghost of Gacy done by the asylum. Nuff said.
31. Dead and Breakfast- Zombies, blood and amazing songs. I'm in like Flynn.
32. Deadgirl- One of the best movies of last year.  Must be seen. Necrophilia with a twist.
33. Christine- John Carpenter takes on Stephen King and a bad ass car with a mind of its own.
34. Killer Klowns from Outer Space- The title says it all. One of the most watched films from my childhood. The Dickies do an amazing theme song and Royal Dano is a bad ass.
35. Mega Piranha- The Asylum puts out their mockbuster of the remake for Piranha long before Piranha hits theaters.  So much fucking fun. 
36. Drive Thru- Lazy ass killer kills bitches before their triple cheeseburgers do. 
37. It's Alive- Larry Cohen make people hate baby's as much as I do.
38. Laid to Rest- Throw back to the old slasher with some of the best kills you have ever seen.
39. Aftermath- So brootal and amazing. 30 minutes no talking just a mortician and some body's. you do the math.
40. Tales from the Hood- Tales from the Crypt if it was directed by Ice-T.
41. The Burning- Cropsy is gonna give the shears. One of the best slasher body count films from the 80s. The Weinstein's got their start with this as did Jason Alexander.
42. Night of the Scarecrow- Not to be consfused with Dark night of, this is a super fun killer scarecrow film helmed by king of the sequels himself. Mr Jeff Burr.
43. Class of Nuke em High- Another troma classic. Radiation make school way cooler.
44. Phantasm:OblIVion- The final installment in the Phantasm story doesn't really tell you anything but it does rule your balls.
45. Retardead- Just read the name and sit back and enjoy.
46. Miners Massacre- From the man that brought you the best Ghoulies movie comes a massacre, by miners.
47. Shredder- Snowboarders get the slasher film treatment. 
48. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter- One of the best titles ever. Wish he would of stayed looking like Jesus the whole film but still very enjoyable.
49. Bloodstone: Subspecies 2- Full Moon continues their vampire opus. 
50. The House of the Devil- So fucking good. Slow burn bam SATAN!!!
51. Dead and Deader- Lois and Clark with zombies. Well Clark at least. 
52. Wrestlemaniac- A lucha kills some bitches that are making a porno. OK.
53. Redneck Zombies- Shine turns people into zombies, hilarity ensues. 
54. Eraserhead- The best movie ever made. 
55. Monsturd- "It's not a just a movie, it's a movement" couldn't of said it better myself.
56. Popcorn- Like an American version of Demons. One of the many reasons I love 80s horror cinema.
57. The Pit and the Pendulum- Stuart Gordon teams up with Full Moon for his take on this classic Poe story. Lance Henriksen is amazing.
58. Mothers Day- Uncle Lloydy's brother takes on the backwoods maniacal family genre and scores. Probably with his kin but still scores.
59. My Bloody Valentine- Harry Warden wants your heart. Pick axe can do some mother fuckin damage.
60. The Church- The man that brought you Dellamorte Dellamore teams up with Argento for this above average Italian flick.
61. Bad Biology- Henenlotter's newest trek into insanity is now teamed up with many faces from the Indy Hip Hop scene.  Like bread and butter.
62. Blood Feast 2: All you can Eat- H.G. Lewis makes Blood feast 25 years later and it kicks so much ass.
63. The Prowler- The guy that bought you Friday 4 kills some bitches in some insanely brutal yet beautiful ways. One of my favorites.
64. Opera- Argento at his best before he felt asking dumb questions about Hitchcock. The peephole seen is so rad.
65. The Video Dead- One of my favorites from the 80's Zombies coming out of TV's. Yes. 
66. Puppet Master 2- Puppets are back to kill. Still love it. 
67. The Lost- Another Ketchum adaptation. Ray Pye is so amazing. He will kill anyone who moves.
68. Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger 4- After a couple of lackluster sequels Lloyd brings Toxie back to badassness. A school shooting at the school for the gifted. Genius.
69. Class of Nuke em High 2- The theme song for this is so rad.  Movie is bad ass as well.
70. Monster in the Closet- Watching this on USA up all night has stuck with me till this day. Turn off the lights and enjoy this.
71. From Beyond- Aside from Ken Foree being a bitch this is a great take on the Lovecraft tale. 
72. Demonic Toys- Full Moon is at it again with more killer toys. This time a doll shits her pants. 
73. Terror Firmer- Troma at its finest in my opinion. This has it all. 
74. The Horror Show- Although having nothing to do with it this is considered House 3. It is so good. Love this movie. Just watch it. 
75. Squirm- Killer Worms. Yup.
76. Truth or Dare- Not the Madonna one. So bad but so good. 80's sleaze with no apologies.
77. New Years Evil- Another holiday slasher. Always a sucker for these. 
78. Period Piece- Guiseppe Andrews is one sick fuck, You have to see this to beleive it. 
79. Pervert- A big happy tribute to Russ Meyer. Blood and Huge Boobs.
80. Tentacles- Killer Octopus. Nuff said. 
81. Dead Snow- Nazi zombies for the modern age. Fun fun fun.
82. The Host- Giant Creature film from Korea. 
83. Audition- The movie that made Takashi Miike part of everyone's lexicon. Ki Ki Ki!
84. Nosferatu- Klaus was amazing in the updated version but everyone must see the original. Fucking terrifying.
85. Tokyo Gore Police- Part of the new school Japanese gore film crowd. Not a masterpiece but sure is a lot of fun to watch people get covered in blood to the point where they need umbrellas. 
86. Thirst- K horrors answer to Vampires.  Aside from Let the Right One in one the best vampire films in a long time. 
87. Them- What seems like the French's original to The Strangers is an unsettling home invasion movie.
88. Them!-  Giant killer ants. 
89. Machine Girl- Another crazy goretastic Japanese film.
90. Funny Games- So fucking bleak and fucked up. The American remake is just made for lazy people who can't read. Nothing wrong with it but I'll stick with this one as I don't know the actors as well as say Naomi Watts or Michael Pitt. Prepare a bath for when this is over.
91. Let the right One In- Holy Shit such a subtle beautiful frightening masterpiece.
92. Vampyr- Classic and Haunting and a must see for any horror nerd.
93. Night of the Living Dorks- German Import part High School coming of age, part zombie party.
94. The Devils Backbone- Haunting and amazing. Guillermo is a fucking genius.
95. Tetsuo: The Iron Man- I heard this described as Eraserhead meets the Terminator. Perfect.
96. Taxidermia- Fat people and Chaos. A must see for any fan of great film making and disgusting imagery.
97. Epidemic- Lars Von Trier is insane. I love him though. 
98. Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus- The film that started The Asylums Mega series and it is everything you could hope.  So outlandish and insane and awfully amazing.
99. The Call of Cthulhu- Looks and feels like an old silent film. Perfect way to approach this Lovecraft story.
100. The Astro Zombies- Ted V. Mikels cranks out this turd and I love to roll around in its shit.
101. Spider Baby- A precursor to the backwoods inbred family films of the 70's.
102. The Gore Gore Girls- HG Lewis at his best? Did you know if you cut off both nipples one dispenses 2% while the other one is chocolate milk? Guess you have to watch this.
103. Maneater- Mr. Busey vs a Tiger.
104. Bubba Ho-Tep- Old Elvis and Black JFK take on a mummy.  You must see this. It can't be put into words.
105. Black Christmas- A perfect slasher film that is often forgotten even though it predated Halloween by like five years.
106. Tombs of the Blind Dead- Blind Zombies are scary.
107. Deranged- One of the many Ed Gein inspired horror films. 
108. Peeping Tom- So unsettling and basically ruined everyone involved. 
109. The Cabinet of Dr Calagari- German expressionist at its finest. Still holds up almost 100 years later.
110. Night of the Living Dead- I'm not even gonna bother.
111. The Omen- DAMIEN!!!
112. Last house on the Left- Wes Craven before he was pussyfied. 
113. The Fly- Another Cronenberg classic.
114. Swamp Thing- Wes Craven's comic adaptation may be flawed but still enjoyable.
115. Repo the Genetic Opera- A horror opera, people are split down the middle with this. Not the best thing ever but it is a fun ride.
116. The Burbs- Joe Dante at his best. Tom Hanks in one of his only good roles aside from Turner and Hooch.
117. Body Melt- Title says it all.
118. The Virgin Spring- See where Crave got his inspiration for Last house on the Left. Bergman makes a beautiful and haunting film even back in 1960. I don't think he made a girl piss herself granted.
119. AntiChrist- Wow.  If your strong enough watch this.
120. Mulholland Dr- Lynch is God aside from the actually existing part. 
121. The Machinist- A decent into a mans madness can be quite entertaining when its not you.
122. Inland Empire- Laura Dern is amazing and at a three hour running time this movie hooks you and doesn't let up which is quite a fete as it doesn't make a lick of sense.
123. Blue Velvet- Frank Booth makes me wet myself.
124. Trancers- Sit down and watch all of these and I will respect you more.
125. Witchfinder General- Great cast and Witchcraft. 

     Netflix has taken off and while I like to fight for a while it is here to stay.  It is a good tool for finding things you might not stumble across otherwise. I just made a list of 125 movies that rule for some reason or another in one day and that is just in the horror section and not including some great documentarys such as American Scary, Bloodsucking Cinema, or American Grindhouse.  There is also tons of great TV shows on there such as The Kingdom, Ahhh! Real Monsters or Dexter.  
     I do hope that people will not just rely on this for everything. If you are lucky enough to have a locally owned video store in your city, support it.  Continue to buy DVD's and Blu Ray's.  Continue your VHS collection or Laser disc collection.  Support websites and print magazines.  There are so many options, you have Rue Morgue, Horror Hound, Fangoria, and many many more. Buy T-shirts from Satan's Sideshow, Rotten Cotton, and Fright Rags.  Go to your local comic shop and buy some Necca figures or Sideshow masterpieces. I could go on and on.  There is enough stuff out there to keep you going for a long time.  Netflix  is not what shut down all the video stores, that was Blockbuster and Hollywood and they are now paying for their sins partially due to Netflix. So we can thank them for that.  You must embrace the future without forgetting the past.  I watched Maneater on Netflix and once I saw how bad ass the Buse is I knew I had to buy it. 
    Well I hope you at least find something interesting in this mess of a list. Just because Halloween is over doesn't mean the horror has to end. 


1 comment:

Mr. Gable said...

I have damn near all of those on my instant queue already lol. I was so happy to see The Video Dead was on there the other day. I'm watching the shit out of that soon.