Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Garbage Pail Kids- Rod Amateau

    So due to a challenge called out by Mr. Gable himself three brave solders set out to play a game of torture and gambling of their own self worth with a viewing of the 80's sleaze kids debauchery known as the Garbage Pail Kids.    It was on this weekend in March that Morbid Dementia, Mr. Gable and I Tromeric set out on our mission and because we are brave warriors(or in my case because of the massive amount of booze) we survived this mission with very few injuries.  These are our findings. Look below for my review then make sure you follow the links to the other two as they actually succumb to the English language.

     People like to complain about this movie, they talk about how bad and cheesy and ridiculous it is.  Excuse me? Are you talking about that movie based off a set of trading cards where they shit their pants and vomit and fart a lot?   I would just like to let everyone know that that movie staring The Fat Boys as orderlies isn't Oscar worthy. Jesus people what did you expect? I am sorry Orson Wells
did not come back from the dead to lens this modern masterpiece of farts and vomit. I will take the next sentence or two to explain this gem, if it takes that long.
     Dodger works at the antique store from Friday the 13th the series, he is like 12 and in love with a twenty something year old who is boning a Kevin Dillon lookalike reject named Juice who has nothing to do with 2Pac.  Juice and his gang?(one douche in a fishnet vest and some viking woman in some gross ass leotards) like to fuck with Dodger and Tangerine doesn't seem to mind.  A fight ensues and the gross garbage can that Captain warned him is the only thing not to fuck with of course opens up.  Dodger is thrown into the sewer where we finally meet our friends the GPK.  They get him all cleaned up, piss shit and puke on him(most movies with this I have to get at a different kinda store). Well for the next hour we see the kids make him some "sweet" stylish cloths that Tangerine can exploit by shoving her hot little 80's boobies in his face.  The kids get into trouble and all kinds of shenanigans ensue.  They meet up with some bikers at the toughest bar in the world. This is good as they will need their help when the poor little shits get taken to the asylum for the ugly.  Well you get it, it is pretty God damn basic but what the fuck did you expect.
     In closing I will reiterate, how do you not know what to expect?  I mean its the mother fucking Garbage Pail Kids.  I used to ride my Schwinn Predator(not that dude in the windowless van with unlimited candy or the alien warrior but a sweet bike) to the corner store with whatever change I could scrounge up just to buy a pack and laugh my ass off at what clever bodily function they made a character out of. This movie is by no means perfect, it like the bible is full of plot holes and confusing and supposedly has a message but is so convoluted it is laughable, but I will take the same stance many people seem to take on the bible and look the other way and just except it.  I mean for fucks sake its the God damn Garbage Pail Kids, I don't remember Jesus giving anyone a hot lunch, if he did I may of taken a different path in this life.  So I guess what I am saying is don't be a pussy.  GPK for life.



Alright try and sober yourself up after that and make sure you head over to Mr. Gables and Morbid Dementia's for their take.

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