Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Monday, May 10, 2010

A Nightmare on Elm Street(2010)- Samuel Bayer


So what was good about this remake you ask? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING! I just got Raped, Raped like the kids Fred Kruger Raped even though they didn't have the balls to just say it, white elephant in the room. Freddy is not a good dude he raped some kids. Just fucking say it, I mean we don't need a Irreversible style child rape scene but for Christs sake we are suppose to think hes a bad guy right? Who doesn't think child rape is bad? The kind of people you wanna see get burnt alive. I thought if anything Jackie Earle Haley would be a bad ass, but no go on that, he looks and sounds like Corky if he had been on the plane with Travis Barker and that DJ. Bad CGI Gods rejoice the effects in this look like shit, Jesus Christ in the original they spent like six bucks on some latex to have Freddy come out of the wall and it scared the fuck out of me, in this they probably spent thousands and it looks about as good as the E.T. game for the Atari 2600. All of the characters in this are complete fucktards. The first kill of the movie has some douche bag stab himself to death after having a psychotic episode in the middle of a diner where he keeps repeating "your not real" then his dumb bitch of a girlfriend when referencing his Elliot Smithesque demise at the funeral says " right before he died he kept saying your not real, what does that mean? Really you are that fucking retardead? It's 2010 even if you cant pick up a copy of Websters get they fuck online and look up the definition of not real, God Damn it what could not real mean, I was counting the seconds to watch this stupid bitch die, unfortunately for me once it happened it was boring as shit cuz that's how all of the kills in this Godawful excuse of a movie are executed. Freddy does make it clear he would like to "play" with two of the girls he already molested, I don't buy it, that's way to old for him, it's like me being attracted to a woman in her 80's, and unless said woman is one of the Golden Girls, that's not gonna happen. I could go on all fucking day, I feel completely ripped off. I will leave you with two things I wish had happened.


1. I wish When I was dozing off due to complete Boredom Freddy would of came into my dreams and killed me in an amazing way like the old Freddy would of, like use the Power Glove or turn me into a Puppet and make me walk off of a roof.

2. I wish Freddy would of Raped the entire Platinum Dunes Crew in the ass as hard as they raped the Nightmare Franchise.


.5/5


Tromeric

1 comment:

andrew said...

Amen brother!!!! Absolute waste of time, didn't even make it past 20 minutes and literally threw the rip across the room. Pure, unadulterated, bippy twat retardism.