Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Human Centipede- Tom Six
Holy Fuck! This movie is so bad ass it will make you want to kick your grandma in her Hatchet Wound. The Surgeon is so fucking creepy and amazing. He deserves a fucking Oscar. If Sandra Bullock gets one where is the justice if he doesn't. This movie is well I cant say to much as I don't wanna ruin it. Long Story short Hitlers long lost cousin decides he is going to create the most fucked up Siamese triplets you've ever seen. Fuck Belleville these triplets is fucked. When creating a Human Centipede if you will, you gotta take in to consideration the best way to connect them. Well people tell me you shouldn't go ass to mouth, a theory I don't buy into but That's a whole different story. Well Cousin Hitler seems to share my opinion and hes like fuck it, sew em up. Now I know in theory its kinda gross. I mean its not Rocket science to figure out if the front of the pede has to release the great super villain Megaturd, where shall it end up, in pede part two's moutharoony and so on and so forth and sure that could be considered kinda gross, that's the only place I think DR Crazy went wrong. He should of went out and found a fan of the scat man. I mean just go to the shit tater store and line em up, they would be stoked. I love me some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and if I was told I was able to have them pumped straight into my mouth as they were being made, well sign me up Mutha Fuck. Back to the point this movie is so fucking fucked up. Its like one retard riding a go cart into another retard which throws that retards mama from the train or go cart in this sitch, she lands on a baby with downs which projectile shits and hits Mother Teresa in the face, that of course makes Mother Teresa projectile vomit which hits a moving car full of Nuns, the driver of that car is so startled that he loses control of the car and crashes into Gandhi which doesn't really do anything as he just lays down and the car goes over him while he is unscratched the car ends up running into a daycare and splattering like 15 toddlers into the ground, then Bono from U2 happens to be there doing some charity bullshit and ends up slipping on the innards of the kids, he then falls into the proprietor of the daycare who falls out the window and lands on family taking their crack baby out for a walk. That's pretty much what it felt like I watched. Sure some of it is awesome and kinda fucked up but still kinda funny but you are way to intrigued to look away. This movie so so fucking good I could go on for pages comparing it to other bad ass things but I assume you get the point. If you enjoy good writing, David Cronenberg, shock Cinema, Medical Anomaly's, Freaks, or just want to see something that doesn't have Sandra Bullock or sparkly Vampires you owe to yourself to watch this badassary. You wont regret it, unless your a pussy, If this is the case I suggest you get a blow dryer and try to get all that sand out of your Vagina.