Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Monday, October 12, 2009

Stan Helsing- Bo Zenga/Dead Snow-Tommy Wirkola(Guest Reviews by Gabe)

So today we have a couple of Guest Reviews from Gabe Nye the Science Guy

If you're like me you want to take a huge shit on the recent "___ movie" genre. The obnoxious attempts to parody popular movies that inspire no laughs and a lot of hate towards the filmmakers. The Scary Movie series really kicked this off, and they are some of the worst. On the other hand, I have nothing but love for the old school parody movies, Mel Brooks is a god among men, and the old Naked Gun and Airplane movies are pure genius. It seems to me that the last really good parody movie was Repossesed. Well, now we finally have another one worth watching. Is it as good as the old Brooks or Leslie Nielson movies? No, but it's a damn sight closer than anything in a long time. Hell, good ol' Leslie has a pretty hilarious role in Stan Helsing even.

As far as plot goes, take all the major slashers (Freddy, Jason, Pinhead, etc...) and make them just a little different with sort of retarded jokes built in (Freddy wears a "flava flav" clock and has a swiss army glove, "Pleatherface" has a leaf blower). Then, make a lot of immature slapstick/fart/dick jokes at the protagonists' expense, in the best way possible. It's not a "good" movie, but it's a lot of fun, and it reminded me of the ones I watched all the time as a kid, and that's what matters. Get a few drinks, keep in mind that dick and fart jokes are still super funny, no matter how old you are, and you'll have a great time.


Gabe Nye the Science Guy

Fuck, I feel like I had been waiting for this movie for practically my whole life. Nothing goes together in my mind better than Nazis and Zombies. It's the fucking reese's peanut butter cup of the horror world to me. Unfortunately for everyone, there just haven't been any truly great Nazi Zombie movies made yet. (I admit I haven't seen all of them, and there are a few that I've been told are pretty decent, so don't get pissed if there's already one you love.) This isn't the most original execution of the horror genre, a bunch of attractive young adults go hang out in a cabin on a mountain. They proceed to drink and fuck, natch, and even get a visit from a sort of creepy old guy that tells them all of the important "evil Nazis buried under the snow" information that the audience needs. Complete with a "don't awake the ancient evil" warning.

Soon enough Nazi Zombies are killing motherfuckers left and right, and getting re-killed themselves. So, pretty basic stuff there, but it still manages to impress. There are some pretty awesome kills, both for the zombies and the teens, and some pretty good use of intestines, something that I feel is severely underused in zombie movies. The gore is great, the zombies look sweet, and I had a grin on my face pretty much the whole time. Also, there's a ton of metal on the soundtrack, not all of it is great, but I think we can all agree that there needs to be more metal in horror movies.

P.S. this is a Norwegian movie, so if you're one of those people that can't deal with subtitles you might want to steer clear until you find a dubbed version. But, seriously, grow the fuck up and learn to read. I was trashed and I still managed to read all the dialog and watch all the kills, it ain't rocket science people.


Gabe Nye the Science Guy

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