The Theatre Bizarre- Douglas Buck/Buddy Giovinazzo/David Gregory/Karim Hussain/Jeremy Kasten/Tom Savini/Richard Stanley

  Look at that list of directors. Is it possible for my dick to be any harder. I will just list some of the things that these guys are responsible for. Hardware, Dust Devil, Combat Shock, Cutting Moments, Home, Prologue, The Wizard of Gore(remake), Night of the Living Dead(remake), and my personal favorite Subconscious Cruelty. That is just his directing credit. Karim Hussain also was responsible for how beautiful Hobo with a Shotgun looked as he was DP(not donkey punch you sick bastard) on that.  Tom Savini has created effects for some of the best films made in history(Maniac, Friday the 13th, Dawn of the Dead, The Prowler, and on and on and on). Most of these guys also take on other responsibilities such as editor, writer, and cinematographer. The cast is rounded out with all kinds of faces you will recognize. Debbie Rochon, Lynn Lowery, Udo Kier, and even Tom Savini himself.  All of these much different yet all equally amazing men come together and with the help of the one I haven't mentioned yet David Gregory who from what I can tell is the backbone of this put together The Theatre Bizarre.  
     Horror anthologies are not the most common sub genre in the modern age. We saw a lot more of them in the seventies and eighties. Creepshow is probably the most recognizable of the bunch but you of course had the TV shows turned movie anthologies like Tales from the Crypt(I guess that was before the TV show), and Tales from the Dark side as well as a few hits(The Willies) and misses(Campfire Tales) along the way. Recently we received Chllerama which was fun but definitely not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. The closest thing to a perfect anthology film would be Trick r' Treat and that is arguable if it even fits in the sub genre. Well History pulled straight out my ass 101 is over lets get our asses to the theater, and don't forget to turn off your cell phone and shut your fucking mouth or I will sick one of these madman on you.
     I am not going to dissect these one by one as I want you to have as much fun watching things unfold as I did. If I spelled it out for you that would be like if the publisher of Scary Stories to tell in the dark decided to take out all the amazing artwork and replace it with more modern less exciting artwork, wait.......Sorry I can't get that off my mind. Seriously though. I am not here to ruin these so I will just give a quick overview of the film and you can judge my excitement. Things you will see in this movie. Eyeball injections, frog sex, human marionettes, crab vaginas, girls injecting themselves with unborn baby juice and so much more. Each of these entries have so much to offer and that is just the tip of the iceberg.I don't want it to sound like this is a shock film either. It has some obviously, but it also has some insanely beautiful moments. Douglas Buck's being the most notable. His story while being the least horror is the most heart wrenching. You also have everything from Lovecraftian creatures to highbrow cannibalism. 
     Seven directors, seven segments(including the wrap around) and two hours of everything the title promises you.

4/5

Tromeric
  

Tucker & Dale vs Evil- Eli Craig

Here's the set up: a group of college kids go out in the woods to drink, smoke weed and skinny dip, but then...things take a turn for the macabre. Nothing too imaginative, right? We've all seen this movie a million times. Wrong, dead wrong. I won't spoil anything, because half the fun of this movie is how original the story is. Not only is this easily the best horror-comedy I've seen since Shaun of the Dead, but it has one of the smartest approaches to the genre I've seen in a long time. You get all the gore and fun (plus some titties, of course) that you'd expect from a typical slasher movie, plus a ton of great humor and some pretty unexpected twists and turns. Again, I can't get too specific about the details, because you really should go into this one with as little info as possible. I was lucky enough to only know the bare bones plot, and that may have been too much really. So don't go looking it up online, don't read any summaries; just sit back and enjoy the madness. If I had to complain about anything, it's that the last half hour or so is pretty predictable, but it's still a shit-ton of fun. Time will tell if it stands up to repeat viewings, but I don't see why it wouldn't. Even if it doesn't, the first time around is a fucking brilliant ride. So get yourself a copy of the movie, have a couple of drinks, and have a hell of a good time with one of the most clever horror movies I've seen in years.

4.5/5

Gabe Nye the Science Guy

Cannibal Girls- Ivan Reitman

     This used to be one of the hardest movies in the world to find.  Now it is just a  movie that makes me hard.  Shout factory continues to be one one of the coolest company's ever with their ability to release shit I have been wanting forever.
     One of Reitman's earliest films is a lot more subtle on the humor than you would expect if you are comparing it to such classics as Ghostbusters or Evolution.  It is very dark and twisted and definitely has humor it's just not as in your face as some of his other films.
     Eugene Levy is in this and he doesn't talk about fucking a pie, he does however look like a fucking Muppet. I'm serious.  A fucking Muppet.
     The title says it all there are girls that eat people.  These girls are hot. Seriously hot. The flesh eating and bloody boobs definitely help with my erections but it is a lot of fun and surprisingly suspenseful.  I don't really have a lot to say, you can guess what kind of movie this is. If you didn't guess awesome you should probably delete my number out of your phone as I don't want to talk to you. Shout factory has outdone themselves as usual as this looks very nice considering how old and unavailable it used to be. 
     Grab a fifth put this in and enjoy boobs, blood and bee gees.  The 3 B's.

3/5

Tromeric

 And now time for Gabe Nye's take on it.

     This is a movie that I’ve wanted to watch for what seems like a lifetime. Directed by Ivan Reitman, long before he gained fame as one of the brilliant minds behind Ghostbusters. I had heard this described as a horror parody, and I was very excited to see what one of my favorite comedic directors would do with the horror movies of the 70’s. My verdict? He succeeded, but not so much as a comedy. I’d call cannibal girls a fairly legitimate horror movie. There are plenty of laughs to be had, but I’ve watched “pure horror” movies that were funnier. The comedy here is incredibly subtle, and a lot of it stemmed from the hairstyles and moustache/beard combinations on the men. Eugene Levy in particular looked so ridonkulous that I couldn’t help but laugh every time I saw him on screen. As a horror movie, it really wins though. There are some very cool scenes, a pretty decent story, and some very attractive women with even more attractive breasts. So, did this live up to my expectations? Not really, but I was expecting a hilarious send up of 70’s horror. What I got instead was a surprisingly good 70’s horror flick, and that’s not bad at all. Well worth a watch, and I’ll definitely be adding it to my collection.

3/5

Gabe Nye The Science Guy