Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The Blob- Chuck Russell
So poor mans Matt Dillon, AKA Johnny Drama, AKA boy who hung out in his dads ball sack longer than Matt so he didn't get a the role in Outsiders but was still bad ass in some other shit is a bad ass. He spends his days pretending he is Evil Knievel and pissing off the local cops. Then the douchy jock takes that bitch from Becker( I think she was in those shitty Saw films also) out to get him some. He is driving her around looking for some shit when the crazy homeless dude runs out and hits the car and rolls off it like a little bitch. The dudes dude it up and take homeless buddy to the hospital where Eraserhead himself takes time off from being in the Suicidal Tendencies video to check the homeless dude out even though he doesn't have blue cross. This is when all hell breaks loose. What was just a little bit of pink spooge looking shit on the poor mans arm is now a huge ball of goo. It looks like a huge chunk of gak. I want to stick my hand in it to make fart noises but from the looks of that dudes hand that's a bad idea. All ramblings aside The blob is super bad ass. Sure it is a remake which these days tend to piss me the fuck off but this is one done right. The original blob is a fun 50's movie but once the 80s rolled around they realized they could use the technology from You Can't do that on Television and make one bad ass slimy body melting gooey fun fucking movie, that's what they did. This incarnation of The Blob is a fucking blast the slimy gooey fun of it and the feel and the nostalgia, its damn near perfect and I think it is one of the most overlooked films of the 80's. With that being said I would like to touch on the rumors that Rob Zombie is re re making this. Don't do it sir. The Devils Rejects is a modern masterpiece and although the Halloween remakes were kinda shite I looked the other way cuz I love your white trash rants and you get great actors, but seriously do something original. Make The Nail or Bigfoot, just not a rehash of a rehash. Fuck. Anyways no that I have went off on a drunken rant I will stop but seriously get a bag of popcorn hook up your VCR to your shitty TV you have in the basement and turn off all the lights and sit back and enjoy one of the movies that made the 80s what they were.