Girls Gone Dead- Michael Hoffman Jr./Aaron T. Wells

     Beetlejuice, Ron Jeremy, Linnea Quigley, Jerry "The King" Lawler and a plethora of scantily clad ladies.  I'm in.
     When I popped this bad boy in I figured I would most likely get ninety minutes of filler with five minutes of bitches and blood. I am happy to report that like Mike Ness, I was wrong. The film opens with our protagonist sitting in church and next thing you know there is a big breasted woman stripping down naked so the preacher can sacrifice her. Let me state for the record if that happened when I attended church services in my youth I may not have been so quick to denounce the worlds favorite dungeon master. Quick cut to let you know it's a dream than a pretty clever opening credits sequence outside of the horrible music that makes you feel like you are getting bumped into by every "Bro" at "Warped Tour." We now meet up with Rebecca in the real world and quickly find out her mom is an insane religious nut. The thing is Rebecca just wants to go to Daytona Beach to have some fun and take off her cloths. I mean the Crazy Girls(This films answer to Girls gone Wild)are gonna be there along with Ron Jeremy and Beetlejuice. She is waiting for her whore of a friend(God's words, not mine) and her douche nozzle ex shows up complete with a "S8N SUX" license plate and what I assume is unfortunately probably an actual christian rock band blaring on the stereo. They head off to Daytona anyways in search of all the necessitates in life such as drugs, alcohol, and sex. This of course where all the slashing and striping begins and the next ninety minutes are spent watching said acts and figuring out  whodunnit?
     "Girls Gone Dead" will not cause any eruptions in the world of cinema. I am guessing the only eruption it will cause is in your pants but that is Okay. It is a fun slasher that would fit right in along the likes of the eighties classics such as "Slumber Party Massacre" or "Sorority House Massacre." The kills get a little repetitious but moments such as the fat basement dweller finally getting a blowjob only to have his severely intoxicated conquest get a hatchet wound on her head. I feel like I could go into a massive "who's on first"  rampage right now but I will spare you. I will say while some of the gore is repetitious, it is overall pretty awesome. Very little CG and buckets of blood being spread everywhere like Flavor Flav's seed at the Source awards. It does suffer from extended length syndrome, and no, I am not making a penis joke. I feel like if they had cut out fifteen to twenty minutes it might flow a little better but that is nothing another shot can't fix. If you want something new check elsewhere but if you just want to crack open a bottle and enjoy a movie with the three B's(Bitches, boobies, and Beetlejuice) have I got a movie for you.
    
3/5

- Tromeric

Producers of DEAR GOD NO! Sink to an All-time Low

 

 

 

 

Atlanta – July 23rd, 2012 - Greedy noses rejoice! They survived bikers, waterfalls and Bigfoot! Will they survive your untamed thirst? The smut peddlers behind the cult drive-in throwback DEAR GOD NO! are proud to announce an exciting new contest offering the raincoat crowd a chance to win the bloody screen used panties of glamorous exploitation star Madeline Brumby. Stripped off her bare naked figure at an exotic undisclosed location and sealed for maximum freshness these undies promise all the heavenly taboos needed to fill the darkest of carnal desires. By purchasing any item off the Big World Pictures Ebay store from July 23rd to September 23rd, perverts will automatically be entered in a chance to own, wear and fondle a soiled piece of sin-sational cinematic history. 

“I’m clean but theses desirable panties are very dirty. Unashamed and raw they need more than a delicate rinse. It’s going to take a really big washer to handle this filth”, says young Madeline. 

Winner of multiple “Best Exploitation Film” and “Audience Favorite” awards, DEAR GOD NO! follows outlaw motorcycle gang The Impalers through a murder spree that ends in a home invasion gone terribly wrong when they attack two graduate students, a disgraced Anthropologist and his teenage daughter played by America’s starlet Madeline Brumby. A demonic creature in the woods, a deadly secret in the basement, rivers of blood and abundant nudity add to the surprises that have been thrilling genre fans across North America.

“We originally wanted to present the film in Odorama so I’m touched that one lucky sinner will have an opportunity to explore the lowest depths of human sensuality in this new form of explicit audience to screen interaction”, says director James Bickert. 

A sequel to Dear God No! titled Frankenstein Created Bikers is currently in preproduction. The lonely, deprived, thrill-hungry and curious can enter this ribald contest at http://myworld.ebay.com/bigworld2012/  Every entry will receive a bumper sticker, a hand signed clean bill of health from Dr. Marco and a pleasurable voodoo curse. 

Contest rules: Must be 18 years of age to enter. Employees of Big World Pictures are not eligible. Contest is not associated with Ebay. This collectible piece of screen used memorabilia is stained with stage blood and comes with a certificate of authenticity. Garment complies with United States health and postal regulations. For additional film details, visit www.deargodnomovie.com.

Sadistik on Music, Film and Grog

Sadistik is an Independent hip-hop artist from Seattle, WA who also happens to be a big fan of horror and film in general. This shows through his music and some of his videos. I was able to sit down with him with my bottle of Evan in hand and pick his brain over everything from his upcoming album to the current state of horror cinema. 


Tromeric: Fulci or Argento?

Sadistik: Argento!

Tromeric: Your reasons?

Sadistik: Argento is one of my favorite directors ever. He's probably the director I revisit the most and I still never get tired of his films. I love Fulci too, but I think budget limitations marred some of his movies. When he had a decent budget he was great.

Tromeric: Freddy or Jason?

Sadistik: Jason.  Freddy Krueger got a little too campy later in the series for me. It's still fun, but I like how Jason always gets right down to business.

Tromeric: Leprechaun or Chucky?

Sadistik: Leprechaun, hands down. I've seen the Leprechaun movies more times than I'd care to admit. The first Leprechaun is the zenith of Jennifer Aniston's career as far as I'm concerned.

Tromeric: There is nothing wrong with that. If I made it known how many times I had seen the Critters series I would lose a lot of friends.

Sadistik: Critters 3 is the zenith of Leonardo DiCaprio's career too.

Tromeric: Very true. While we are on this subject what would your favorite "So bad it's good" film be?

Sadistik: Oh man, that's a tough question. Troll 2 is the immediate favorite. I think Chopping Mall and Zombie Holocaust should be mentioned too, though.

Tromeric: All excellent. Alright, lets move on as I could do this all day. You are in the select few lucky enough to have seen the grog(IE me) in action in full grog motion. Care to share any stories that I may not be quick to share with the world?

Sadistik: I think the time I came to your party just in time to catch you beer-bong a full fifth of tequila straight and trip on your fence to sprawl out on your yard is a pretty good anecdote of how The Grog gets down.

Tromeric: I vaguely remember that. Since everyone knows I prefer to watch my films with a bottle in hand I was wondering your take. Do you like watching films sober or intoxicated? Or does it depend on the film?

Sadistik: I think it depends on the film for me. When I've got whiskey in my system I tend to watch older schlock movies instead of ones I take more seriously.

Tromeric: So I know you have a new album in the works. Are you able to tell us when we can expect that?

Sadistik: I do have a new album coming out called "Flowers for My Father." I can't give an exact release date yet, but it's just about finished and should be available relatively soon. I'm really excited to finally show people what I've been working on for so long.

Tromeric: When you're writing are you inspired by film or music more? Or is it not really from any of that?

Sadistik: I definitely think it's both. Well, everything actually: books, experiences, etc. Obviously music I enjoy would be a more direct and literal influence on my own music, but my passion for movies definitely finds its way into my music constantly. I make a lot of hidden allusions to my favorite movies. I don't know how many people will catch them but I still like to do it. I think it shows in my videos as well. That video I wrote and directed called "Higher Brain" is largely influenced by Gaspar Noe and Dario Argento, for example.

Tromeric: When I look at the three albums you have put out they are very different. I mean of course there are similarities but they are almost their own entity. Is "Flowers for my Father" gonna kinda fit into any of those or is it going to be off on its own as well?

Sadistik: That's a good question. Flowers for My Father is basically the true follow up to my first record "The Balancing Act." The last two albums I released were collaborative efforts (with Kid Called Computer and Kristoff Krane, respectively), but this one is completely me. I had a very distinct idea of how I wanted the production on this one and what I wanted everything to sound like. I think it's a more evolved version of what I've shown in the past.

Tromeric: I know a lot has to be hush hush, but is there anything you can let us know on what we can expect? Themes/ Guests? If not fully understandable.

Sadistik: Well, the production is mainly by Blue Sky Black Death, Eric G. from 9th Wonder's label, and Kno from CunninLynguists. I also have a song with Cage and CunninLynguists as well. That's all I can really announce right now.

Tromeric: Nothing wrong with just giving a little taste. I know many including myself are very excited for this.

Sadistik: Thanks man. I'll try not to disappoint.

Tromeric: Well I will finish up with a couple more questions than I need to draw a winner for this contest I am running.

Sadistik: Sounds good.

Tromeric: Is there any hope for new horror films to break barriers or change cinema? I don't mean just shock I mean overall or is everything just being recycled?

Sadistik: Man, that's a tough question. I don't think anybody is really going to reinvent the genre, but I think there's a lot of innovation going on right now and that will continue to go on. I think this new wave of French horror is a more intense version of some things that have already been done. I also think that some films are blurring genre boundaries a little bit more. Recent movies like Enter the Void, Kill List, etc. aren't really classifiable as horror but they have horror elements to them. I also like how a new trend is to throwback classic periods of horror like grindhouse and exploitation films. I think this newer wave of the genre is getting smarter and smarter.

Tromeric: Alright I will end with two questions. Off the top of your head Top Five Films and Top Five Musicians? Go!

Sadistik: Ah, shit. Off the top (in no order): A Clockwork Orange, Oldboy, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Eraserhead, and Rosemary's Baby. Musicians: Radiohead, Eyedea & Abilities, Nine Inch Nails, Cage and Sage Francis.

Tromeric: Criterion just announced "Rosemary's Baby" and I have a feeling they are doing "Eraserhead" as it just showed up on their Hulu channel.

Sadistik: I know! I'm so excited for Rosemary's Baby. I just grabbed Polanski's Cul De Sac the other day.

Sadistik: I'm changing my answer to: Looney Tunes Movie, Psycho remake, Mac and Me and Dunston Checks In.

Tromeric: Hahahaha! Well thanks a lot for doing this man.

Sadistik: For sure, thanks for having me.



Make sure to hit up his page and Facebook to keep informed on all the happenings going on with tours and record releases. I would also like to take this time to announce that Sadistik will soon be a featured contributor here at the grog under the moniker "Cody DeLarge."  If you haven't had a chance to check the video for "Higher Brain" which he wrote and directed I have included it for your viewing pleasure. 

 

 - Tromeric

Jaws 3-D (1983)

Jaws 3-D (1983)

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Bess Armstrong, Simon MacCorkindale

Writers: Richard Matheson, Carl Gottlieb, Guerdon Trueblood, Michael Kane

Director: Joe Alves

Thanks so much for Tromeric having me over here to tackle a guest review. A collaboration was long overdue.

Synopsis:

The Brody brothers have another shark problem, this time at SeaWorld. That Amity Island shit got old.

Dear Jaws 3-D:

Talk about some more behind the scenes Jaws shenanigans... this flick went through all kinds of shit before being filmed. The producers of the first two Jaws movies wanted to go the spoof route, using the title Jaws 3, People 0 --with National Lampoons writers John Hughes and Todd Carroll scripting and Joe Dante in mind as a director. Let me just say right now that said pitched title for the spoof was fucking genius, and they should have stuck with that name anyhow. Goddamn. Anyway, Uni wasn't having any of this shit; no spoof movies. So, Murray Lerner was given a copy of the first Jaws 3 script and declined, and the job eventually went to Joe Alves, who served as a production designer on the first two Jaws films -- as well as being second unit director on Jaws 2. Like the first two "da dum da dum da dum da dum" movies, this one had many different writers and re-writes. Richard Matheson even had his epic hands in it. Eventually, most of his ideas were put on the back burner, so Guerdon Trueblood gets the story credit while Carl Gottlieb --who revised the first two films-- and Matheson got the script credits.

Lemme go ahead and talk about the shark here, too. Believe it or not, at one point the idea was to have Bruce 2 from Jaws 2 survive and I guess come after Mike Brody or some shit. Well, that got kicked to the curb. There's actually 2 sharks in Jaws 3-D, a mother and child. The child is kind of a pussy, so the mother is who's important. Bitch gets pissed. 35 feet of fucking nightmares, swimming backwards, headbutting underwater walkways, roaring... that's right, ROARING. This is one not to be fucked with. Anyway....

Jaws 3 is knee deep in the 80s resurgence of the 3-D gimmick, like Friday the 13th III and Amityville 3-D. The quality of 3 dimensional FX from this era is highly questionable. Okay, most of it is pretty goddamn bad, but I love it anyway. Maybe I just love looking like a douche in my living room with those crazy glasses on, convincing myself that shit really does look like it's popping out of the screen. I dunno what it is, but I dig it.

Jaws 3-D moments that are supposed to be punching you in the fucking face:

Gotta admit, I am a fan of this title screen.

It's almost like you can touch these fuckers! Feed them! They're hungry!

An arm.

3-D shark tranquilizer that looks like pee-pee.

Brody's harpoon skills. I can't help but think of Friday III when I see this.

Killer whale coming out of the water all up in your face like "What's up!?" 'n shit.

Best moment in the movie. Hands down. If I get stranded on an island with only one flick, guess what? I don't  need one entire flick... just give me this shit.

Jaws' jaws. Look out!!!

Cam work is of course not up to par with the first film. Hell, it can't even touch the second film. I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but I forgot, so let me get to it now. Jaws 3-D is so fucking good because it's so fucking bad. There, moving on. The shark creeping segments are still pretty good and there's a few fairly badass chases. This film definitely amps up the "skier being pursued by a shark" element, though, it does lack as far as anything actually happening to the skiers once they are in danger. But we'll get to that later.  Brody has an awesomely manic POV golf cart sequence, and that may be the highlight in this department. Either that or the underwater shots of the 35 foot bitch, barely visible in the murky blue waters. Gotta say, the darkness definitely adds some cool atmosphere.

Cool shots:

Here's one of the scenes I am talking about. Skiers in peril, yet nothing fucking happens to them. Kinda disappointing because it looks so cool... but hey, at least it's a whole helluva lot of ass.

Creeper moment!

Mike Brody's all grown up and looking like Dennis Quaid... because he motha fuckin' is. Brody's not the whiny little wimp he was the second go around; he works for SeaWorld designing shit, smokes cigs, drinks beer, acts like a stud around his woman, and is willing to fuck a shark up! Quaid is pretty entertaining in the role, despite being embarrassed of it or not. Bess Armstrong plays Kathryn, Mike Brody's squeeze, and senior marine biologist of the park. Armstrong kinda looks like Frances McDormand, if Frances McDormand was hotter and not a very good actress. Nevertheless, Kathryn is a cute character and the duo of Quaid and Armstrong gel pretty well together. John Putch is little Sean Brody in this flick, also all grown up and now scared shitless of going in the water. He comes down from Colarado to visit his big bro. Putch is annoying as shit. Actually, it's just the character in general. It's like the Brody brothers traded places in the "who's the pussy?" department. Louis Gossett Jr. portrays SeaWorld park manager Calvin Bouchard, a money hungry bag of fuck. To be honest, there's a few times where Bouchard doesn't come off like that bad of a man, but he always relinquishes those good thoughts with assholism. Gossett pretty much nails the correct feel- there's one scene in particular where he gets on an intercom, calm as ever, instructing people that they need to safely exit the underwater portion of the park. Meanwhile, there's a 35 foot pissed off shark about to crash the festivities. Lastly...

Lea Thompson, making her screen debut as Kelly, a water skier at the park, who ends up getting the hots for Sean Brody. Thompson is so insanely hot in this flick, parading around half the time in just a bikini and sometimes a cowboy hat. So, before falling for her son Marty McFly and before snooping through Howard the Duck's wallet finding a duckie condom, she was here.... looking fuckin' smokin'.

Bonus characters who I like that no one else probably gives a squirt of piss about:

Overman. Big fuckin' hunk of love.

This girl. She's a hot mess, but crazy adorable.

Oscar. Poor dude should have had more screen time.

Fitzroyce (Manimal) and Jack. Badass mudder fuckers right dere. Definitely some bromance going on, too.

This tour guide. Actually, just her tits. Those things were begging for a cameo... seriously.

SFX... the shark footage isn't as plentiful here. There's only a scant few times you see this fucker coming out of the water, not nearly as much as you see Bruce 1 & 2. And as mentioned earlier, a lot of the underwater shots of the shark are pretty dark, but it does look menacing. The visual FX have a big time Starcrash vibe, and if you are like me, you'll consider that a plus. As far as gore, you get a half eaten dude with some arm bone gone, underwater life coming out of his mouth 'n shit. A pretty nasty lookin' leg bite, and... that's about the size of it.

Alan Parker gets his first feature cherry popped here by composing and conducting the score. The music of Jaws 3 has a real adventurous sound, with a hint deadliness. For all the water-ski scenes, the tunes are dashing and daring like the fucking Gummi Bears. And, of course, with this being a Jaws film you do get the "da dum da dum da dum da dum" shit, but in less copious amounts as the first two films. Rightfully so, this is an entirely different feeling kind of movie. Overall, not some bad orchestrated jams by Parker. He went on to do the music for What's Eating Gilbert Grape and American Gothic.

Some Favorite Moments:

You know you have greatness when there's a dancing fish head 1 fucking minute into the movie.

Brody's badass borderline psychotic rush through the park.

Brody's badass boat parking skills.

I'm not sure what the fuck is going on here, or why it would be going on at SeaWorld. Square dancing around someone in a pig outfit?


Epic Faces:

Brody's almost barf face.

Kathryn's "That's a big fucking bite holy shit" face.

A bunch of "It's comin' right for us!" faces.

Get out some beer or get out a bottle or light up a joint or all of the above. Sit down and enjoy Jaws 3-D for the incoherent blast of cheese that it is.

~THE END~

-Brobocop

And the winner of the GI Joe with tits is......

First and foremost I want to thank everyone that entered, shared and put up with me posting this a thousand times. Jacob VonKlingele truly outdid himself with this awesome. I wish I had something for everyone but I don't. The last contest I took thirteen shots while I was drawing the names for your entertainment. This time it just didn't work out. Brett, the man that filmed the incident last time is coincidentally off filming a movie full of bikers. I went the old fashioned way and just wrote everyone's name on a piece of paper and Peter Poison drew the name. I seriously appreciate all the love from everyone and hope to have another contest soon. Well lets get to the business. Mitch Reaves you can proudly display this bad boy.

Guts and Grog's contest part two: The Pajamma Jam

So after the success of the Critters and Gods contest for the 2 Headed Shark print I asked grog contributor and custom action figure extraordinaire Jacob Von Klingele to make me up a figure to give to you baddasses. I got it last night and holy shit is the winner of this gonna be one lucky sumbitch. You have all heard of last years bad ass biker opus "Dear God No!" I along with pretty much every other trusted writer on the web were blown away by this beast. If you don't remember here is my review after seeing it in the theater last year.   Well Jacob Von Klingele was also more than excited with this film and has put together one of the most unique figures you are likely to have on your shelf. This is a one of a kind item and only the winner will have it. After much debate he went with the Nixon stripper as even with a minor role she sticks in your head and stands out right on the beautiful poster the "Dude" designed for it. Take a look below for more images of what your are trying to win.

 How do you enter to win this bad boy? It is simple. Leave your name and Email and leave a comment with a figure you would die to have made. Try and make it one that hasn't been made. There have been plenty of Freddy and Jason figures but for me I have always wanted a Ghoulies 3: Ghoulies Go to College set. Just them coming out of the toilet wearing their graduation gowns and shit. Amazing. Outside of that you just need to go like VonKlingele Customs on Facebook. This part you need to actually do. I know lots of times people "forget" this step but you will not be entered in the drawing if you are not a fan of that page. I would also hope you are a fan of the grog's page as well but at this time I won't make that mandatory. I suggest it though. So yeah. Like the page and leave a comment with your dream figure and on Tuesday July 17th I will draw a lucky bastard who can display this one of a kind figure on their shelf. I will end this with thanking Jacob Von Klingele for taking the time to make this. This is not a day project. Lots of meticulous sculpting and painting went into this and for him to allow me to just give it away is greatly appreciated. Well until the seventeenth I bid you farewell. I may take on another grog challenge when I pick the winner.

-Tromeric