The year is
1996, I'm 17 years old and in my youthful glee I stumble into the only
non-corporate video rental shop in my hometown of Hamden, CT. I wander
around for a while, looking at the titles of films, but knowing almost
nothing about film itself. You see, I had not started down the
degenerate side street that is cult film yet. I was on the precipice of
what would be the single biggest life changing experience I would ever
have. This is bigger than my marriage, bigger than having children,
bigger than my divorce, bigger than playing music in front of hundreds
of people, and bigger than the first time I tasted Whiskey (which if you
know me, that last one was a biggie).
I stare at
the comedy section, thinking to myself that some of these films looked
fun, but most of them I had already seen. I may not have been a film
fanatic then, but I was well versed in comedy. Not one to take too many
chances, I grab a copy of AIRPLANE and resign myself to watch it that
evening. I walk up to the counter and the one person I knew in the place
rings me out.
"Do you have
an account here?" he says as I stare back with glassed over eyes. Shit! I
hadn't even thought of that. "uh, no…this is my first time here" "OK
we'll get you hooked up, I just need a major credit card."
"Seriously?!"
I thought to myself as I struggled with the words to explain that I did
not, and for that matter had never once thought about getting a credit
card, I still lived at home for fuck's sake! "Yeah…I don't have one" My
Acquaintance, his name was Mark and I had met him years before at a
surprise party for a friend of mine. My band at the time was supposed to
play and he had decided, without bothering to tell me, to tune my
ukulele. The problem was, he was a guitarist and had no idea how to tune
a uke and had thrown the whole thing out of whack. Thankfully for me I
was able to get my shit in order and play, albeit a little late.
Surprisingly enough, it wasn't the ukulele business that I remember him
for, it was for a comment he made later in the evening. "I want to make
myself a jumpsuit out of velour and sit in a hot tub, I imagine that
would be the most comfortable a man could ever get". I found out later
he had been dropping acid that night and this was his brilliant
LSD-induced idea. I never did find out if he made that suit. Where was
I? oh yeah…
"No problem"
Mark says to me and proceeds to type a bunch of X's into the system
where my credit card number should have gone. This was an act I would
greatly come to appreciate 6 years later when one of the employees there
accused me of getting free rentals (A false accusation, I might add)
and the owner slapped a $100 fine on my account, which he called
"retroactive late fees", and banned me from the store. I eventually took
on the roguish name of Baron Stamford Von Retrolates for when I would
call to speak with my friends who worked there, I haven't been back
since.
But on this
particular day, as I'm standing there with my copy of AIRPLANE Mark says
something to me that would change my life forever. He says "have you
checked out our cult film section?" "No thanks, I don't feel like
joining any cults" I reply, thinking myself a rapier wit. He chuckles
unamused and says "no, seriously, man, I'll hold this…go check it out"
As I stroll
the wrong direction towards their adult video section, because it was
the only store I had ever seen that didn't keep it's porn in a hidden
room, Mark stops me and points towards their back wall. I head back to
their cult section and this is the part where I wanna say "AND I FELT
NIRVANA SEEING ALL THE AMAZING FILMS THEY HAD!" The problem is, I didn't
know what any of these movies were, I recognized a name or two from
hearing friends talk. I knew what ERASERHEAD was because I was a Twin
Peaks fan and knew some of David Lynch's work. For some reason I knew
about THE DARK BACKWARD, no doubt from overhearing my "with-it" friends
discuss it's more bizarre aspects. The rest of the wall was a mystery. I
start scanning the monolith of alphabetic wonder; 9 1/2 WEEKS, ABBY,
AGUIRRE, THE WRATH OF GOD, BAD LIEUTENANT, BARBARELLA, BASKET CASE,
BEGOTTEN, and so on. I scan the entire wall, but that title "Begotten"
keeps attracting my attention. The box was what they called "faced",
meaning the art was facing out and I remember it freaking me out to no
end. However, like all good disturbed kids, I decided to pick it up and
walked it up to the counter.
"How's this?"
I ask and Mark smiles a demented toothy smile that I will never forget
and says to me "yeah, I think you'll like this…it's about killing a
god". "awesome!" I reply as I pay for my rentals and head home.
At the time I
was what most people would call a "night owl", but really I was goddamn
nocturnal. I decided to wait to watch the film and looking back I sort
of wish I hadn't because the one thing you should never do when
encountering BEGOTTEN for the first time, is watch it at 2 am.
A title screen comes up and within seconds I'm clutching at my pillow.
The Grainy high contrast style, the sad little cabin in the woods, and
the creepy "through the window" shot before the big reveal of God
Killing Himself is a terror I will not likely experience again in my
lifetime. It's also a terror I would not likely wish on anyone else.
As I sit
there, absorbed into the grainy black and white I see disturbing image
after disturbing image. I find my brain, against it's better judgement,
actually becoming enthralled with the film. I should have turned it off.
I should have left it for morning, but my brain thought better and
forced me to continue watching. I sat through the entire film. I sat
through a god cutting pieces of himself off, a "messiah" being born of
these pieces, a tribe of druids kidnap the "messiah" and beat it's sad,
naked body. I watched the entire film with my eyes glued to the screen
and when I was done I had a strange thought.
"I want to watch that again"
And I did.
There was
something about this simple, yet savage black and white silent film that
sparked my proverbial soul. I was born that day and the way I see the
world has not been the same since. I dove face first into that cult wall
the next day and I devoted every excess penny I had to watch all of
those deranged, absurd, surreal, brilliant, awful, heartfelt, sardonic,
twisted, but always fun films. It took me 2 years to finish them all and
it has been a quest that I've maintained to this day. It all began with
Begotten and I couldn't even begin to thank E. Elias Merhige. I owe my love of the disturbed, the distressing, the provocative, and ultimately, my love of film to him.
- Moe Porne
Make sure to listen to Moe over at No-Budget Nightmares and Drunk on VHS.
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