John Dies at the End- Don Coscarelli

"Phantasm" has owned me longer than Quentin has owned Eli. I think Don Coscarelli is a fucking genius. "Bubba Ho Tep" killed me, and I loved his "Masters of Horror episode." This should all go without saying, but I want to say it. Needless to say, when I heard that he was making a movie out of a book by the Cracked editor I shit in my pants. Well, after three years of my pants being filled with shit, excitement shit, not the gross kind....I finally got to see this bad boy, and I saw it a few times.

David and John find a drug called soy sauce. It makes them be able to travel inter dimension and talk through bratwursts. That is about all you need to know plot wise.

This book was said to be unfilmable. well, fuck you naysayers. Right from the brilliant intro I was gripped like a thirteen year old to Roman Polanski's dick. It took seconds for me to be hooked. Then it was ninety minutes of awesome. Traveling to different dimensions, driving dogs, sexy amputees, talking sausages, meatman that aren't a punk band, and just an amazing cast and story.

This is what horror films should be trying to accomplish. It may not be perfect, there are a few scenes of CG that were pretty terrible, but you could tell that they tried to use as much practical as possible. I have now seen this five times, once being on the big screen and I already know it will be a fave of mine for the rest of my life. The acting is great, the music is great, the story is unique, and it is not a remake or a sequel, it is not like anything out there, and that makes me happier than a juggalo in a faygo factory that also has a meth dealer. That is happy in case you were wondering. Seek this movie out.

5/5

-Tromeric