Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Piranha 3DD- John Gulager

     A sequel to the Aja remake of the Corman/Dante trash epic directed by John Gulager the genius behind the Feast movies. That sentence is all I need to know to get me more pumped than a Reebok in the nineties.
     Dimension fist fucked this movie for some unknown reason. Sure it is a trashy, cheesy, obscene film. So what? That is what I want. Sometimes it is okay to let your guard down and turn off your Terrance Malick Blu Ray. After being pushed around like a autistic kid on the playground this finally came out on like two screens and got shit onto VOD. Luckily for me this autistic kid has retard strength and punched everyone in the dick with its awesome.
     After the events of the last movie the beach has shut down. The next town over has taken advantage of that by tuning their boring ass water park into a oasis of tits and ass. Stripper lifeguards, topless girls and David Hasselhoff.   Well the piranha have gotten smarter and pulled a Jaws 3 and moved into the park. Carnage ensues.
     I feel like I don't really need to go on. You get it. You know if you wanna see it. Gary Buesy and  Clu Gulager are awesome. Christopher Lloyd is back and crazier than before, Ving Rhames got a lesson from Cherry Darling and David Hasselhoff shines in what might be his best roll yet. Katrina Bowden broke up with Dale to shoot fish out her vagina and cause her boy toy to join Heavens Gate. The thing is she is still sexy. The movie is everything you think. It is predictable, it is low brow, it is ridiculous,it looks good, it is annoying at points,  it has no shame. If it was a girl I would do everything in my power to fuck it.

3.5/5

Tromeric

1 comment:

Mister Bones said...

The only problem I had with it was it was too short. I had a fucking blast while it lasted though.