Detention- Joseph Kahn

Imagine if John Hughes and Wes Craven had one passionate night of lovemaking and Wes ended up pregnant. Jump ahead nine months and they are surprised with twins. After arguing about names such as Julius and Vincent they compromise on Greg Araki and Terrence Malick. Well, Terrence and Greg grow up and decide V.C. Andrews may have life figured out so they fall in love. Their relationship becomes stale so they go to a swingers club and meet up with a guy named Steve Pink and have a menage a trios full of bukkake and dutch rudders. Nine months later another kid is born and instead of finding out who the father is, all three decide to raise the child. They call this one Richard Kelly.  This works to their advantage as MTV decides to film an updated version of "Three Men and a Baby" for a in name only drama using them as consultants. While filming the seventh season Richard Kelly is raped by one of the producers who impregnates him. He decides to keep it and that child grows up to be Joseph Kahn. 


Until recently I was under the impression that it was going to be another self aware teen slasher horror comedy. I figured I would give it a watch but wasn't on the top of my list. While I enjoy a good slasher I wasn't expecting much. As time went on I kept reading about it and started to wonder if there was more to it. The trailer seemed pretty basic but rumblings across the internet gave me hope. When I read ten reviews and five people gave it a near perfect, while five others treated it like a Bennifer movie, well  it made me more curious than that time a home school kid found his sisters vagina. I am always on the lookout for something different but in today's day and age it is nearly impossible. I was hoping for the best but with Dane Cook being listed on the front cover I was hesitant. Having someone I don't like in a movie is not a deal breaker but it does cause me to double bag it just in case.

Within thirty seconds I knew this was not your average flick. You are quickly introduced to characters who constantly break the third wall and let you know they are in on the joke. It is done in a fairly intelligent fashion and at a pace that would give Tink Tink a run(pun intended) for his trophy, assuming it wasn't taken away from him due to his legless advantage. The editing is quick and sharp while the references are spit out of the kids mouths quicker than an alcoholics semen. I am not exaggerating this, "Detention" has enough references that even Shawn Spencer would lose track. They don't just stick to horror references either. In the first ten minutes Chopin, Predator, Sigur Ros, Spike Lee, Beverly Hills 90210 and My So Called Life are a small chunk of what is name dropped. After you kind of get used to the style and editing the story becomes more insane than Margot Kidder. Everything from a bear time machine to a dude that cums the ooze from "You Can't Do That On Television" while sporting a TV for a hand.

The acting in this is pretty well executed, especially for being such bat shit crazy subject matter. Most of the young cast pull of being the irritating hipster douche bags they are aiming for while still remaining somewhat likable. Dane Cook, who usually makes me wanna pull my own dick off , split it in two and shove my ear holes with  shredded dick meat, is surprisingly reserved and, dare I say funny.

"Detention" is not perfect. It gets ahead of itself at times and its over ambitious nature is not always realized. It is however, unique, fun, and entertaining. The jokes are as plentiful as the gore and the characters are as irritating as they are entertaining. I guess what I am trying to say is "Detention" is like that girl you're in love with even though she is kind of irritating and makes no sense.

3.5/5


-Tromeric