2 Headed Shark Attack- Christopher Ray

Let me start this off by setting the scene for movie night in my house.  We gather the kids, get comfy on the couch and pop in 2 Headed Shark Attack.  It’s family movie night with all the blood and tits that entails.  We have a long tradition of watching all the Asylum movies we can and this one is up at the top of the heap.  You know when your 8 year old son is laughing his ass off because some dude just got ripped in half that the movie is doing something right.

One thing to keep in mind about this movie is that it sucks, but in the greatest way possible.  Anyone who knows me knows I’m a sucker for the genius that goes into making an unabashedly bad movie that works on almost every level.  It just goes to show that if you acknowledge what you’re working with and use it to it’s fullest you can make a fun movie, and that‘s all I can ask for.  There’s no pretense or delusion about what’s been put on the screen and I love the film makers for it.

The movie kicks off with a great kill right off the bat and lets you know what to expect and it never fails to deliver.  The shark effects are actually pretty decent for these low budget creature features, right up there with Sharktopus. Now that doesn’t mean the effects are anything close to good, but do you really want them to be? Personally I prefer the dirt path that somehow changes into smooth plastic when it cracks and the explosions that look like they were rendered on a PS2 and added into the movie with a 10 year old version of photo shop.  It just adds to the fun.

Pretty soon we’re introduced to our cast of usual players.  You have the d-bag bro and his loyal followers, the nerd, the crazy bitch that won’t shut the fuck up, plenty of big titty sluts, sassy black girls, and let’s not forget the tough girl with a chip on her shoulder.  All of them play their parts perfectly and you just can’t wait for them to die in the worst way possible. 

Special mention should be made for Carmen Electra, she really turns in a stirring performance as the most believable doctor I‘ve ever seen.  I also want to take a moment here and thank Asylum for offering an outlet for washed up celebrities to desperately cling to any fleeting bit of fame they can without having to get double teamed by Bret Michaels and Flava Flav on VH1. 

The real star of the show though is Jerry O’Connell’s brother Charlie.  I really believed his pain when he broke his leg and just made the same groaning sound over and over for the entire movie.  Frank Stallone had better watch out.

Soon the students, oh yeah they are on a semester at sea boat, have to abandon the boat and head to a nearby atoll.  Which the titular shark manages to run into hard enough to get it to start sinking.  Let me just say that the science in this movie is tight as shit, but again not really why you’re watching this movie.

Now the real reason you’re even thinking about watching this is for the kills and oh baby are there kills.  I won’t go into too much detail because it’s more fun to just experience them, but have no fear they rule.  Nice and bloody and completely ridiculous.

In closing, watch this movie.  If you have enjoyed any of the recent low budget monster movies this is right up there with Mega Piranha and Sharktopus as one of my favorites. Plus it has what may just be the most romantic onscreen kiss I’ve ever seen.  So really it’s the perfect Valentines Day movie for you and that special someone. 

This movie has tits, blood, and a 2 headed shark. Do you need to hear anything else? Two times the heads, two times the awesome.

3.5/5

Jacob VonKlingle