Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Monday, February 28, 2011

My Soul to Take- Wes Craven

     Wes Craven used to be a bad ass. He made a girl piss herself for real, he introduced us to Michael Berryman, can I just say Freddy fucking Krueger.  He sent Horrice Pinker into your electric system and fucked up a bitches head with a basketball.  There is also the other side of Craven which brought us such dogshit as a werewolf flipping the bird, passenger 58 and putting Michel Berryman in a mountain dew commercial. What I am saying is like mass genocide there have been ups and downs.The basic idea is pretty simple so Ill lay that out just like I layed out your mom last night.
     So some dude is crazy and pulls a Sharron Tate on his wife and says some stupid shit.  An ambulance crashes and we jump ahead 16 years later where seven kids who were all born on the same day that crazy ass's ambulance swerved and pulled a princess Dianna are hanging out at the crash site where for whatever reason they have kept the scene alive. The crazy dude shows up and starts killing off these douche sacks. Lots of red herrings and boring deaths.
     So now that you know the boring ass premise I will say this.  I don't really know what Wes was going for here. I'm convinced that he took all of his movies and made a big fuck you casserole out of them.  There are some very obvious borrowed story lines and  moments from pretty much all of his filmography, most notably A Nightmare on Elm St., Scream and Shocker but aside from Music of the Heart and Vampire in Brooklyn I think he pretty much nailed all of them.  The dialogue is fucking stupid and the kids are all around pretty unlikable. He does dabble in some pretty offensive ideas and I will admit seeing a ginger Jesus freak get  the Al Jazeera video treatment was pretty god damn entertaining.
     I guess what I am saying is that this movie makes no fucking sense.  It is run of the mill and bat shit crazy all at the same time, it is predictable and confusing in the same moment and it confuses me on weather I want to hate fuck or love rape Wes Craven.



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