Did You Just Queef In My Mouth? A Night In Tromaville, And A Return To Nuke 'Em High

I have been a Troma kid pretty much my whole life. Many evenings were spent digging through the TV Guide looking for any and all horror, cult,and  B films. It was a different time, and I didn't have the internet, so the guide was my best option. I started noticing Troma pretty early on. That intro, the music, the logo. It stuck with me. I would see it on Cinemax. I would see it on USA Up All Night, and I would see the logo at the video store. It quickly became something I had to get if I saw the logo. That of course failed me a few times, but overall if it had the Troma logo, I was more excited than Victor Salva on the set of Little Rascals.

Outside of Toxie, Class of Nuke 'Em High and its subsequent sequels became favorites of mine. I loved the Cretins, I loved the theme song, I loved the boobs. I could pop in any of the nuke 'em movies, and just get lost in the post apocalyptic world that I had grown to feel was a glimpse into the future, or at least I hoped it was. I know that is probably not the intention of the films, but I wanted to go to Nuke 'Em High. I wanted to become a cretin and fuck up everyone's day. I wanted to hang out with all the sexy cretin girls, and party with the dudes, hell if I had enough grog, we would probably work something out for everyone, but that is a different story, saved for my cretin erotica book I am working on. Anyways, I am a Troma kid, and last night I was lucky enough to see RTNEH on the big screen along with plenty of antics from Lloyd Kaufman, and his wife the former New York film commissioner. I along with a group of the grogsters including, but not limited to, Steph Infection, Seth The Zombie, and Toxic Tony headed out to witness this new Troma film, that is part sequel, part re imagining, dare I say it, part remake, to one of my favorite films from the eighties.

Which one did I go to? You decide.

The film opens with a little flashback to original, and explains that the power plant is gone, and the new Tromorganic food stuff plant took its place. I assume this is their way of saying we aren't in an age where we aren't scared of power plants, we are scared of all that evil food. As I mentioned before, this is an updated version. Yes, in a way it is a remake, but mostly it is a new story for a new era, with all kinds of nods to the original. I had goosebumps within seconds of it starting. Boobs, blood, cameos, bad puns, melting flesh. This was indeed a Troma film, made for Troma fans. Once a few of the kids get infected the fun really starts.

As with most Troma films, specifically the ones that Lloyd is directly involved with, this film has social commentary oozing out its anus. Yeah it is sandwiched in between queefs, penis monsters, dick and fart jokes, sex, exploding pregnant woman. You know? Important things. Seriously though, I have always loved Kaufman's ability to bring serious issues to the forefront using tools like vaginal farts and what have you. Obviously there is plenty to be said about the state of the food industry, as well as LGBT rights, net neutrality, corporations, and everything else.

The effects in this thing straight kill it. I saw Drew Bolduc listed as one of the credits for special effects in the beginning. You may recognize his name as being the director of the masterpiece The Taint, and the upcoming Science Team. I always love the effects in Troma films, but seeing his name got me all wet, and a bit worried that my cock may explode from the awesome. I was right, minus the exploding cock, which is fine by me. Still a few years left in this bad boy. There were a few digital effects, but for the most part it was all old school slimy, oozy, exploding awesome. There are definitely some gross out moments in this beast.

The acting is perfect for Troma, overacting multiplied by eleven. Every person in this puts their all into it. Whether it is Lloyd himself portraying the president of Tromorganic, the glee club singing and slicing up Tromaville's citizens, or the leads falling in love, fucking, and queefing.

Cameos and references a plenty. So many shout outs to Troma films of every decade, as well as other classic cinema and pop culture. I don't want to ruin the cameos, as there are some pretty epic ones, and surprise is definitely part of the fun, but I would say there are at least thirty rocking, obscure cameos. 

I spent last night in Tromaville. With friends, family, and the king himself. I was blown away by the feelings it caused me. I am not solely talking about the bulge in my pants, although that was definitely there, as there are some beautiful people undressing, and having a blast as has come to be expected from Troma, but also just moments of pure bliss. I am impressed that thirty years later Troma can still make me feel the way I did in my room as a child, staying up late to catch them on cable. I laughed, I smiled, I was truly happy, and felt like I was witnessing history being shat on the screen in front of me. Return is a return for Troma. A return to the anarchist, fuck the system cinema they helped create so many years ago. As a dude in his thrities, I have not wanted to re-enroll in high school this much, well since ever.

This is volume one. It is half of the story. It doesn't end. It is like a to be continued episode of your favorite show, just one where you have to wait longer. It is killing me that I can't watch part two right now. I am insanely excited for volume two, hell I am bummed I have to work tonight, as if not I would definitely be returning for a second screening.

Catch Return at a screening in your city, or pick up the Blu, which hits later this month. Hell, do both. Buy two.

4.5/5

 -Tromeric

Condiment Bukkake: A Look At Time To Kill By Brian Williams

Sara finds out she has one day left to live, so she does what any self respecting person would do in that situation. She makes the best of it. Sure, making the best of it for her is killing everyone in her life who has wronged her. This makes sense. Granted, my grandma told me many times that if she got diagnosed with a terminal disease she would go on a killing spree. Secretly I think I may of been on her list, actually depending on the day, she would tell me I was first, that is a different story though.

This new trend of modern throwbacks to the grindhouse era is nothing new. Throughout film history many have tried to recreate an era. Is it gimmicky? Well, yeah. Is it overdone? Well, yeah. Does that mean that it is impossible to make a film using the grindhouse aesthetic and have it kick the ass? Hell no. Like all things that the market is saturated with, whether it be found footage, or remakes. A good one slips through from time to time.

Time to Kill is not a perfect film. At times it feels more like a mix tape I would have made back in high school using scenes from many of my favorite films full of blood and boobs, than a movie. Is that a bad thing? It can be, but not this time. Sure it's not a linear, plot driven film. It probably won't change film history. It is however, more fun than switching out a metal hanger with a plastic one on that special someones abortion day. The look on her face. Priceless! Anyways, back to the film.

The soundtrack is pretty great. Part Casio, part soul, with some rock and roll, and go go thrown in for good measure. The editing is spot on for the feel they seem to be going for. As mentioned before. This film doesn't follow the linear path, but a more chaotic experience. You will definitely feel as you have entered the drive in. Not just the style, but Time to Kill comes complete with an intermission full of snack bar adds, PSA's, and animated bumpers. The acting is just what you want from this. A bit campy, but fitting for the subject matter.

Brian Williams has harnessed the power of Al Adamson, Ted V. Mikels, H.G. Lewis, and Russ Meyer. He made a low brow, politically incorrect film full of slow-mo montages of woman bathing each other, men and woman losing appendages, and drug trips that would frighten Hunter S. Thompson. Invite your friends over, warm up a wiener sandwich, crack open a cold one, grab a beer, and let yourself be at the center of a condiment bukkake of awesome.

3.5/5

- Tromeric