Easter A Go-Go: A Story of Rabbits, Torture, and Booze

     So Jesus may be my least favorite cryptozoological creature, I mean he ain't got shit on Bigfoot or  Chupacabra, but any excuse I can use for a marathon at the house of grog I will take advantage of like a Grandmother with alzheimers.  I wanted to do an all day/night marathon but by the time I got done serving people their bullshit Easter lunches and got home and got in the zone(sat on my porch with shots and smokes) it was already eight o'clock.  Peter Poison and I started off by giving ourselves res-erections with one of my favorite sequels that doesn't take place in college.

Critters 2: The Main Course- Mick Garris

     We meet Brad who has come back from the big city. Coincidentally the bounty hunters along with the town drunk Charlie are also stopping back in town to kill some mother fucking krites. We meet the townspeople who consist of Lipshitz from Whoopee Boys, Brad's grandma who teaches kids the right way to BM, the sexy small town reporter who in the words of Brad is "Jimmy Olson with breasts." Well I have a boner. These are just a few of the townsfolk. The town punk trades some eggs he found off the set of Poultrygeist for beer and Playboys because he knows what you need to survive. These eggs start hatching like an alligator in a sewer and the krites start unleashing their awesome. There of course are some casualties, not just the humans either. The krites have some pretty epic death moments. A dad steps on one of the eggs right before it hatches and it looks like the worst case of whiskey swamp butt ever, he isn't concerned though. He just thinks it's a Cadbury egg. That is just in the beginning. I will get to the rest. We gotta get back to the bounty hunters. They get suited up, and by that I mean turn into a Playboy model and yell "Kill Krites" a lot. The Krites are now causing so much tomfoolery you know shit is going down. They take over Shitlip's restaurant and turn it into their very own Good Burger. They love cheeseburgers more than those cat memes. Lots of them meet their demise here. One becomes licking good fried while one get's his hair shot off. While some take over the burger joint a bunch of others take on the rest of the town fucking shit up like they are the racoons from the Great Outdoors. This all just keeps escalating until we get one of monster cinemas best creatures. Critterzilla!
     Critters two is one of my favorite sequels, in fact it is just one of my favorite eighties horror films. It is not perfect but the effects created by my favorite Killer Klowns are a blast, the story is fun and as far as Easter themed horror it is at the top of the list. That should be a special category in the AFI.

    Now that Critters was over it was time to change the tone of things. We switched the disc over to the film that holds the award for most Jesus beating. The Passion of the Christ. Intoxication was fully set in by this point and the munchies(snacks not the Gremlins rip off) had set in. I attempted to make some popcorn but my drunk ass didn't bother taking the plastic off and just melted shit all over my microwave. I got my shit together and got some corn popped, grabbed some pop rocks and made another drink and sat down to watch this shit.

The Passion of the Christ- Mel Gibson

     We meet Jesus in a set more fog machine engulfed then a youth group stage production. He is taken to the guys from the California Raisin's Christmas special where they tell him he is crazy and a blaspheme. He is then set upon his journey to carry a cross, get beaten more than a girl in a Max Hardcore film, be whipped so much that I kept waiting for the Romans to tell him his name was Toby, run into some creepy ass kids that chase Judas like it's Hostel, see what Zelda Rubinstein looks like as a baby and run into the devil who happens to be the singer of Midnight Oil.
     The Passion is two hours of Jesus walking up a hill. It is like Lord of the Rings but more exciting. Along the way we also meet his mother who is a foot fetishist, Mary Magdalene who took a break from getting raped for nine minutes to be Jesus' whore and some of his disciples that sell him out quicker than a Mondo poster. Jesus just keeps getting beaten. Over and over. There is also lots of falling. He get's beaten then he falls. This film has more falling than a Julie Cruise song. This goes on and on with a couple quick breaks to teach us that Jesus built the table and his mom is a fucking idiot. This is all building to the climax which......Spoiler Alert. Jesus gets crucified, I am fine with Jesus getting crucified but did I really need to see his moose knuckle? After he is crucified they stab him just in case the hours of Jesus beating wasn't enough. That is a great moment as it reigns blood all over the crowd. This is where the film could of gotten even cooler but I will save that for another time.
     All jokes aside the passion is an excellent film. It is beautiful, powerful and well shot. The effects are some of the best I have ever seen. While I gave up Dungeons and Dragons years ago I still can appreciate this as a great movie as powerful as it is exploitative.

     At this point I am beyond drunk. I have left reality. Steph Infection shows up with Pizza and a "special" peanut butter that is exactly what I needed to add to the intoxication. Now that the Jesus beating was over, I had something in my stomach aside from alcohol and added peanut butter that would send me to a new land it was time for gigantic killer bunnies.

Night of the Lepus- William F. Claxton

     In this alternate reality where Janet Leigh survived the shower she has to take on a bunch of giant rabbits that have a taste for crayola crayons.
    I love giant animal movies. It's no secret. This is one of my faves. They use cutting edge technology known as the mother fucking zoom button to create these beasts. These giant rabbits wreak havoc on everything from horses to Warwick Davis' house . They chase trucks down(where was the "objects may be closer than they appear" joke?) and get shot with paintball guns as if it was Friday the 13th part 6.

    This was  a perfect way to end the night. I wanted to keep going but to be honest by this point I wasn't even sure what planet I was on. Next year I will have to start earlier so I can add Easter Bunny Kill! Kill!, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, Subconscious Cruelty, and Begotten to the Easter fest.


- Tromeric

Subspecies, Or How I Spent My Post Oscar Hangover Day

Sunday started with a day full of work as usual. I wanted this day to be over so I could start my yearly Oscar party. Sure the Oscars are outdated and usually wrong but I still have to watch. I don't care that they snub my favorite films. I am glad they do. I love sitting around drinking with friends yelling at the TV. It is probably the closest thing to a sports game I will ever care about. Well the Oscars came and went and by the end I was a bit inebriated. We continued the party listening to music, drinking and dancing. Well I was dancing. It only takes one for a dance party god dammit.  Well it was late and I puked my insides to the outside and passed out. The next morning I woke up feeling less than a hundred percent. I had to do something with myself so I looked around my room and saw my Subspecies box set. I hadn't watched any of them in years. Growing up I always would go for puppets over vampires so I figured it was about time to see what Radu was up to.
Subspecies(1991)- Ted Nicolaou

A couple of American girls show up in Romania to study Romanian culture with a friend. Radu shows up and kills the Tall Man. Radu wants these bitches but his brother is the nice one and loves their feelings. Radu wants their blood. He is cooler. The overall feel of this film is awesome, which is not surprising when you get a guy named Vlad to be your DP. It is Full of great sets and the countryside lends itself to the creepy nature of the film. There are some great effects in this. One moment is when Radu cuts off his fingers and they do a metamorphosis from gross finger to gusher, gusher to coyote dick, coyote dick to some awesome Harryhausen stop motion cyclops looking bastards. There is also a great scene at one the local rituals that is insanely unnerving. The whole town is dressed up and doing a ritualistic dance/parade in what looks like Muppet's costumes if they were designed by the Marques DE Sade. All in all I have nothing but love for the origins of this series.
BloodStone: Subspecies II- Ted Nicolaou

This picks up right after the end of the first one. Michelle tries to escape Radu but he wants to bang her vampire style. She takes the bloodstone and runs. Her sister comes to help but Radu is one persistent bitch. This is probably my favorite of the series. The effects are fucking amped up like Jose Canseco in the ninety's. Some of the highlights are the head reattachment scene which is quickly followed by a blood geyser of awesome. Numerous stabs to the face and all around badassary. The plot is unique and at times turns into a random buddy cop comedy. The cast is awesome and features William Shatner's daughter and the final guy from Friday the 13th part seven.  They go to the coolest most realistic metal club that even has Beavis and Butthead style graffiti including the term "Metal Rules" as well as other super creative phrases.

Bloodlust: Subspecies III- Ted Nicolaou

A direct continuation from two keeps Becky and Michelle running from Radu. All the same characters are back and to me is the least impressive out of the series. Still necessary in its own right and not bad by any means just the slowest of the series. The mummy in this one is pretty awesome I will say. She is trying to keep Radu grounded but he wants nothing to do with it. He says "Fuck you mummy, I will train this bitch." There is some sweet shadow stop motion and a great melting scene where you find out Radu kind of looks like King Diamond when he is on fire. There are plenty of sex and death scenes to keep you happy including one where Radu is fucking some chick Frombee and draining her neck. That alone is worth it.

Vampire Journals- Ted Nicolaou

Not a direct sequel but it does take place in the same universe. Radu is mentioned and Ash ends up in Subspecies four. I really enjoy this one. I feel like I am watching the flashbacks in old episodes of Angel/Buffy or even the more recent Vampire Diaries. Zachary, who is the younger James brother in one of my personal favorite  films Real Killers is a vampire out to severe his bloodline. He has feelings and all that bullshit. He is still kinda badass in this. Well he is on the hunt for Ash who is being an evil weirdo. Their paths cross when Ash get this super hot Pianist(I said pianist you child) in his sights. Zachary wants to protect her because of those stupid feelings. I am not trying to paint this movie as a tweenish bullshit film. It's not. In the first minute of the movie you get nipples and a beheading. I like those numbers. There are plenty of great kills including a exorcist style forced head spin. In the end while not fully a Subspecies film this is a great watch and full of blood and boobs. Two of my favorite B's.

Subspecies 4: Bloodstorm- Ted Nicolaou

The final installment of Subspecies finds Michelle in a hospital after a car crash. The Doctor realizes she is a vampire and tries to help her. He of course also has ulterior motives as he knows of Radu and wants the Bloodstone. Ash also is there and along with his lady friend sets out to fuck up Radu's day.  They get help from the humans to get rid of him. Basically everyone wants to fuck over everyone to get the bloodstone.
A lot of people hate this one. It is by no means perfect but I still had a lot of fun with it. The opening is great and reminded me of Lethal Weapon four or Final Destination five with the montage of clips from all the previous films. The montage is a bit different as it is Enter the Void style with its fast cuts that would most definitely send a epileptic into seizure. Some of the effects are less than perfect but overall they work. This one probably has the most be headings and they are all bad ass. It ties everything up nicely and for a final entry works for me.

    Well that is it for my revisit of the Subspecies series. In the end I was very happy to go back. In a time full of bullshit romantipires it was refreshing to see some Gothic vampires  that actually drink fuck and kill. 

Tromeric

Silent Night, Deadly Night: All Day Drunken Marathon

    So after a night of debauchery with many of the Grog's contributors which included lots of booze, gift exchanges, wandering of the streets of Portland, multiple bars and strip clubs and just all around family fun I slept for a few hours, got up and started an epic journey.  It seemed right. It is only a couple of weeks away from Christmas, and even though I am seeing Silent Night, Deadly Night in all its 35mm glory next week, I wanted to sit down and watch all five of them in a row with nothing but a couple bottles of booze, a notebook and my sanity. I was curious which of those I would have left when it was over. Well I am proud to say pretty much the notebook is all that made it out, and that is just further proof of me losing my sanity. I sit here the next day at the crack of noon with a notebook that supposedly has reviews of all five films. I am getting out my decoder ring and trying to decipher this long lost language I created.

Silent Night, Deadly Night- Charles E. Sellier Jr.
  
    A family goes to see their Grandpa who gives grandpa from Troll 2 a run for his money in the crazy department. When he gets Billy alone he scares the shit out of him. They then leave and see a stranded Santa on the side of the road. Thinking they will win parents of the year award they stop so the kids can meet Santa early. They have instead signed their death warrants and created a couple of monsters. This Santa brings rape and murder and we have him to thank for the next ten hours of my life.
   We now jump ahead and Billy and his brother Ricky are just hanging out being orphans with a bunch of boring ass crazy nuns.  Billy draws a sweet picture of a reindeer getting decapitated that mirrors many of the pictures I drew back in elementary that got a call home to my mom about my stability. Well since they don't have a phone that reaches six feet under they just punish him. He then catches some teens having some pretty awesome Catholic guilt sex. The mega bitch nun now whips him in a scene that has turned on pedophiles for years.  We now jump ahead again and Billy is all grown up. He gets a job at a toy store.  Everything seems fine until they ask him to be Santa and he thinks about it and is like "I am insanely afraid of Santa, he killed my parents while I watched and I wake up screaming from night terrors dealing with it every night, sure I'll be Santa, why not?" Well maybe he didn't actually say this, but it was implied.  We are now where we want to be. The reason you go to see Silent Night, Deadly Night is to see a madman dressed like Santa punish and kill innocents. Silent Night delivers. There are some super creative kills, fun campy dialogue and Billy is basically the Bukowski of killer Santas with all his poetry reading.
    Silent Night caused quite the controversy when it was released.  Every major critic condemned it, Jesus freaks were disgusted with it and there were more protests at screenings than you would find at a liberal arts college. People take shit way to seriously. Have fun. When I was a kid I watched it and it didn't traumatize me. I loved it. It scared the shit out of me, which is what I was going for so good job. Today when I watch it I have a blast. It is a fun yearly tradition and the house of grog is not complete without a viewing of it.
4/5


Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2- Lee Harry

     Silent Night two follows Ricky, Billy's younger brother who saw him gunned down after his exploits in the first one. He is in a psych ward learning about his feelings.  Silent Night two is so many flashbacks to the first one it is hard to count it as a separate film. You get moments of Ricky using his eyebrows to tell the story of Billy and other crazy things but it isn't till about forty five minutes in you really get any new footage. With that said. I don't give a shit because part two is god damn amazing.
     You get such memorable moments as a redneck trying to rape a girl who takes a break to get a beer. Ricky then runs him over for which the girl thanks him. Finally a intelligent woman in a horror film. She recognizes that Ricky is like every crocodile from any giant creature film and is the rape avenger. She is appreciative and not whiny like " you're crazy! Why would you kill someone that was attacking me? That makes no sense."  Once Ricky gets a gun the fun really begins. He takes out his girlfriend like Bambi's mom because he realizes she's a lying whore. "Garbage Day"  two words that will forever live in infamy thanks to this movie. If nothing I say convinces you how awesome this is, let me tell you "Garbage Day" will. It is the best line reading in the history of film. The Acadamy owes Eric Freeman an apology for not winning best actor in 1987. That's right, " Fuck you Paul Newman" The Color of not garbage day is more like it. It comes to its finale with Ricky vs the nun that looks like Seal. Now that is a fight I would pay to see, and have many times.
4/5

Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out- Monte Hellman



     I always remembered liking three the most outside of the first two but after revisiting them all back to back I feel I was wrong. Monte Hellman takes the reigns for this and is the first one to take the Christmas theme out, it is there in the background and used as a backdrop but overall it is a paranormal slasher.  Ricky who is in a coma after the events of two is being treated by Benjamin Horne himself, Richard Beymer. He has a patient who is the world champion of blind orphans, he realizes she can get into Ricky's dreams and thinks he can somehow fix Ricky.  This of course goes all wrong when Ricky wakes up and starts stalking her. He gets a ride to her grandmas house with some dude who doesn't think it's weird that he is in a robe and looks like the bad guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She is there with her brother who is played by another Twin Peaks alum Eric Da Re who looks like the result of Kenny G joining W.A.S.P.

     It has moments of fun, and some cool shots which I am sure Monte had a lot to do with. You get more flashbacks in case you didn't get enough in part two and the cast is pretty rad with all the Twin Peaks faces, as well as another Lynch lady Laura Harring who shows off her boobies before science fucked em up.  Bill Moseley gets the part of Ricky which is quite different from the other two psychos he is known for as Ricky hardly speaks, as he has a glass cage for a head.  In the end it is pretty forgettable but for the completest like me it is a must own.
2.5/5

Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation- Brian Yuzna

    Brian Yuzna came along and was like "yeah I'll make SNDN4 but instead of Christmas I am gonna fill it with bugs and witches."  (*may not be an accurate quote)
     A lady jumps off a building while being on fire. Clint Howard(who plays Ricky, not sure how that works) finds a burger with no cheese. He is pissed. A newspaper worker decides she wants to be a real reporter so she investigates and ends up getting sucked into a world where the cast of The View  chases her down, gives her an insect facial and invites The Applegates over. Her vagina pukes and she is transformed into a combination of Belial and Grant Grant.
     This gets a lot of hate and I don't get it. It is nothing like the other films. It can't be compared to the other films. It is full of slimy, splattery awesome that only Yuzna can bring.  The score is done by Full Moon favorite Richard Band and it is full of "surrealistic visual effects" by Screaming Mad George.  When I saw that credit I must admit I chuckled but after finishing the film it works and I can totally get behind it. Like Brad Pitt did for Gwyneth Paltrow get your head out of the box and enjoy this.
3.5/5

Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker- Martin Kitrosser

    The final entry brings us Mickey Rooney who was very vocal of his distaste for the first one as a toymaker who runs a shop called Pettos's. His name is Joe so I guess it is suppose to be clever, to me it is the complete opposite of what you should call a store for children unless your store is in the back of a windowless van. Mickey Rooney looks like the left side of a ball sack anyways so what does he know? I will tell you something he knows and that is how to make toys even cooler than they already are.  The surrealistic visual effects are back in full force and Yuzna steps down as director and just sticks to producing this time. 
    SNDN5 opens with a very Lynchian slow mo shot of a kid watching his dad get killed by a bad ass evil Santa that he found on his doorstep. We then jump ahead a bit and the kid doesn't talk and is not so stoked on Christmas. I don't get it. He sees a commercial for the toy that killed his dad and freaks out. Get over it dude. I don't throw a hissy every time I see Maximum Overdrive.  The next seventy minutes or so are filled with plenty of awesome.  Toys that shoot, a real life Leech Woman, Roller Blades that kill you(which they should), fake arms that will finger your butt hole like the one that got away a giant size Ken doll trying to rape a lady with his nodick while calling her mom.
     The Toymaker is an excellent film that should be watched and not compared to the other SNDN films but set aside in its own world of badassary.
3.5/5



     Well I survived. Five films, lots of liquor, and a notebook of what would be memories if I could understand them or remember them.

Tromeric

31 days of Horror Nerd Indoctrination- Day Eighteen: Marathons

       Marathons have been huge for me over the years.  I have mentioned the forty nine and fifty days of horror many times. I have done marathons for many different series at the grog and right now I am involved in a marathon/competition called the madness.
     When I was a kid my first memories of marathons would have to be going to the local video store and they would have the five movies/five days/five bucks deals. I would get my five bones and pick out five horror films, usually with a theme and take them home for the weekend. I would sit down and just engulf myself in movies for hours. I usually had to go back on the second day and get another round as I did not need five days for five movies, I am a bad ass. This would continue for years and would get me read for whats to come.
     The forty nine days of horror started because Gabe Nye, Jeremy Gaukenstein and I along with some others were sitting at a twenty four hour diner in Yakima, WA called Mel's Diner, not DIEner unfortunately and decided we should do something epic for Halloween. We always would end up making random list's while we were there as I touched on in a previous entry in the indoctrination. Well we decided we were gonna do a marathon and make it epic as shit, yeah that epic.  We figured out that there was a Friday the 13th coming up and that there was forty nine days in between the thirteenth and Halloween. Gabe Nye figured that one out for us, he's the mathlete.  We sat there all night making lists of movies.  I was living in a dank ass basement with Jeremy Gaulkenstein and we just rocked it.  Every day we would wake up, get forties and watch horror movies. This is where I found a lot of the movies I love today that I hadn't seen as a child.  Some were amazing and some painful. We tried to keep count of our cigarette and forty intake and within a few days realized just how unrealistic that was.  In the end I think we ended up watching two hundred and something films.  We had books and books of reviews and quotes that Jeremy would save on his laptop(which was insane that he had, at that time they were a lot less common) and set as the screen saver. My personal favorite I remember was "Ken Foree went down like Mcauly Caulkin" We also would assign each quote to random people like Jesus H. Christ and Scott Bakula. In the end our house smelt for like an asshole than usual and we had so many bottles and cigarette butts to dispose of.
      The next year we were sitting in the same diner and were talking about how much fun the forty nine days had been and decided we wanted to do another Halloween marathon but on a much smaller scale. Well after we started on the god damn list's we ended up with fifty days, we started on the twelfth since it wasn's a Friday the 13th that year and the twelfth is when Cabin Fever opened which was a movie we were all super stoked on. We did more daily marathons during the fifty days.  We did the classics like Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hellraiser, Puppet Master and of course Friday the 13th. We also did many theme days like cannibal day, Italian day, Naked Massacre night which Ill touch on later.  We were a lot more Hardcore this time around, we were pretty much Richard Kern.  We ended with like four hundred fifty films this time. It was insane.  This one we watched in a single wide trailer which was pretty classy.  We again had books and books of review that we were gonna put out in a book but we lost all the reviews from both years in an epic flood I had in the middle of winter in that same trailer.  I won't go into detail but I will say that I was in my underwear soaking wet in front of a trailer in December. John Waters would of filmed the shit out of me.
     I am doing a competition as I mentioned earlier called the madness. I am just starting week three and it has been insane.  I work a lot more than I did back ten years ago and this countdown has taken a lot of time.  I am watching movies as much as I can and I  still can't get into first, granted I have some pretty insane competition.

I know I have mentioned the Netflix marathon before but that has become a monthly staple in my life.  Get some drinks, some snacks, and add three horrible movies and you get a great fucking night.  Watch the movies, make fun of them with lots of other bad asses while getting drunk and you have a perfect evening.


I will leave you with a couple of marathons that are fun or painful or both.  I take no responsibility for the outcome if you try any of  these. 

Toe Tag pictures night-  Toe Tag makes films that even the most experienced horror nerd will cringe at. Blood, shot, vomit and all the other beautiful things. Watching all of these in one sitting will make you feel like the worst and best person ever.

Naked Massacre Night- This is as awesome as it sounds.  Get some friends, try and mix in some pretty girls or guys depending on preference, get naked and watch all six of the classic massacre movies. You could make this even longer as there are more movies with massacre in the title than Mexican babies in a rated R movie.

Steph Infection getting ready for Robocop.

Getting Robo'd with Robocop- This is not one I reccomend unless your insane and wanna feel like shit. I however had a blast but I am a sick bastard.  Get a bottle of Robitussin(check and make sure it has the good stuff) drink it and watch all five, yeah five Robocop movies.  





Tromeric

The Simpsons: Tree House of Horror a Retrospective

 

     Being thirty one and growing up I am sure it goes without saying The Simpsons played an integral part in my growing up. Since I also was a huge horror nerd and spent more time on the playground talking about Chucky and Freddy than I did about about poontang and the Halloween special was something I looked forward to more than finally blowing a load(seriously it was like three years of dick chafe) after jerkin my gerkin. I loved all the references to Dracula and Clockwork Orange and plenty that at the time I didn't get. Seeing Bart as the raven was amazing as I was a huge Poe fan and every year there I would eat my candy and laugh my god damn ass off. This of course continued into High School and beyond. There was a few years I would say fifteen to nineteen that I didn't have TV and to be honest had grown tired of The Simpsons. Since then I have went back and watched all of them and for the most part love most. My biggest complaint would be the Mr and Mrs Smith one. Wow, who gives a shit? That movie wasn't horror and lasted about five minutes in the spot light. 

    I have been wanting to sit down and watch all of them back to back for a while now but just never found the time to do it. I knew it would be fun, I also knew it would be painful. I have learned over the years that all marathons get hard no matter how good the subject is. I am not talking double features I am talking balls to the wall marathons. I have done everything from A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Halloween, Saw, Puppet Master, Children of the Corn, Tremors and Critters. Over at the Badnetflix Crew   I am known as captain of the endurance division. The grog does help but by the end of any of these marathons I am tired, drunk, irritable and question my sanity. That of course doesn't stop me and I will always to them as Pinhead would agree pain is pleasure.  Well the time came and I saw an opportunity so I took it. Steph Infection was here and Gabe Nye the Science guy was gonna come join in.

Do you know what the fuck that means? I don't.

I had booze, and snacks and monster cereals. It was go time.  As I watched each episode and got more affected by the grog my notes got more confusing and nonsensical, but at the same time I think they portray what I was feeling pretty well. Here is a actual episode guide if you want to see where I am coming from but I would just like to share with you my madness.       My handwriting has always been considered a form of abstract art but after two fifths even I don't understand everything. I will use a secret decoder ring I got in my box of Fruit Brute(I wish) to desipher what is happening and you may have to put yourself in my world to grasp what is going on. Are you ready for this challenge? If so here are my drunk observations on every episode of Tree House of Horror(which as I found out was not called that till episode thirteen). Enjoy?

Episode One 

Haunted house story
When a Stranger Calls reference

Poltergeist reference

Aliens Rule, kind of a Hansel and Gretel in space

Edgar Allen Poe

Bart's a Raven

Episode Two

Bride of Frankenstein Hair

Monkeys Paw

Twilight Zone

Frankenstein meets Robowar

Thing with two Heads

Episode Three

Alfred Hitchcock Presents

Alex from Clockwork Bart

Gremlins meets Trilogy of Terror

King Kong

Smithers doesn't think girls and seaman mix

Night of the Living Dead meets Return of the Living Dead meets Serpent and the Rainbow

Episode Four

Night Gallery  Opening 

The Devil and Homer Simpson= The Devil and Miss Jones

Devil Flanders

Hot Dog Jokes

Terror at five and a half feet(Wheres Shatner?)

Burns as Dracula

Lost Boys

Charlie Brown Christmas

Adams Family Simpsons song

Episode Five

Outer Limits intro

Shining like a mother fucker

Freddy/Jason/Pinhead/Frankie/Mummy

Ray Bradbury's Sound of Thunder

Episode Six

Sleepy Hollow

Attack of the 50 Foot Woman

Godzilla Roar

Nightmare on Elm Street references like a mother fucker

Episode Seven

Innerspace?

Twilight Zone of course

Earth vs The Flying Saucers

Episode Eight

Omega Man- Obviously. I am as drunk as Hasslehoff and I got that.

The Fly

Spy vs Spy

Origins of Halloween

The Crucible meets Witches of Eastwick

Episode Nine 

Freddy and Jason on couch gag

Stay Tuned?

Starship Troopers

How Stella got her Groove Back reference

Jerry Springer in his hay day

Episode Ten

I know what you did last Summer

Weekend at Bernies 

Xena

Sixties Batman

Pauly Shore and Tom Arnold

Rossie O Donnell not in S & M

Episode Eleven

Munsters Intro

Ghost Dad title

This episode was Casey Anthony's inspiration

Fairy Tales without Linea Quigley

Free Willy fucked Echo the Dolphin

Jaws reference with less bush

Deep Blue Sea but more white

Dolphins are Indians

Sea=Casinos

The Birds reference

Quote of the day "I wanna punch a dolphin so bad." - Gabe Nye the Science Guy

Episode Twelve

Psycho House

Flinstones and Shining twins costumes

Thinner without road head

Bart is like those African lady's I used to jerk off to in National Geographic

2001 reference

Harry Potter

Episode  Thirteen

Officially becomes Tree House of Horror

Multiplicity

Dr Strangelove to save the day

Apocalypse Now FTW

Island of Dr Moreau

Episode Fourteen

Charlie Brown opening

Benny Hill

Reefer Madness title

Frankenstein

Staying Alive Walk=less retarded than Spider-Man 3

Jerry Lewis

Superman vs Patty Hearst=Amazing

Fantastic reference

Episode Fifteen

Perfect Strangers intro

Dead Zone(I use to have Dead Zone powers)

Homer is Lex in Smallville

Jack the Ripper

Sherlock without dinosaurs

Fantastic Voyage

Episode Sixteen

13 Ghosts fucked The Most Dangerous Game

Edward Scissorhands reference

A.I. is a douche

Like that episode of Buffy where her mom fucks Giles

Bewitched reference

Sports jokes make as much sense to me as reality does to religious nutzos

Episode Seventeen

Tales from the mother fucking Crypt opening

The Blob without the less Dillon(who I like better)

Homers stomach is like that bitch from the new Twilight trailer

Sir Mix a Lot song upgraded

DER GOLEM

Day the Earth stood Still

Episode Eighteen

Kenny Loggins Jewish Space Creature

ET

One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest

Fuck you Mr and Mrs Smith

Ramones!!!!

Hell House-Christian Scare doc reference

Devil Flanders 2: Electric Boogaloo

Transformers reference

Episode Nineteen

Transformers

Foosball for real

Madmen

Prince is deadaroo

John Wayne in Heaven

Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

Episode Twenty

Monster Squad sports heroes

Heath Ledger without pill popping action

Dial M for Murder

Hitchcockapalooza

Hitch Cameo

28 Days Later

McBain meets Terminator

Phantom of the Opera

Random musical bullshit

Episode Twenty One

Office intro with monsters

Satan=Awesome

Board Games come to life= Told the future IE Battleship

Titanic reference

Dead Calm is pretty sweet

Second Clockwork costume

Twilight Simpsons>Twighlight

Jock from Can't Hardly Wait is Dracula?

I wanna hang out with Count Chocula, Dracula, Grandpa Munster, Elvira, Blacula, and the Muppet Drac

Well I spent my whole day watching this and hope that someone out there can figure out what the fuck I am saying. I don't know. 

Tromeric

Bad Netflix Part Four: The Searh for Netflix's Gold

   Badurday September 17th

(*I heavily plagiarized Mr. Gable and Morbidimentia while putting this together)

 

(banner courtesy of Morbidementia.com)

Mr. Gable’s Reality. Morbidementia. She Blogged By Night. Vincent’s Handmade Art. Guts and Grog Reviews. 365 Horror Movie. Mrs. Gable. Krell Laboratories. Three Black Geeks.  Life Between Frames. Direct to Video Connoisseur

Saturday September 17th, 2011 starting at 8:30e/7:30c/6:30m/5:30p

What is the Netflix Instant Bad Movie Marathon?

About three months ago we had our first ever Bad Movie Night on Twitter. We chose 3 movies available on Netflix Instant that we deemed bad enough to be awesome. Then we watched them and ripped on them MST3K style via Twitter. Also, we drank pretty heavily and misspelled words constantly. But we had so much fun that we did it AGAIN! We've watched baboons driving tanks, hunky men throwing things into outer space, Alice Cooper sing the Werewolf blues, and now we are gonna attack Ninjas, The Klan, Sherlock Holmes, and flying Zombies.

What can you do?

JOIN US! Get on Twitter, Fire up your Netflix Instant machines (if you’re watching on your computer you’ll have to download a plugin FYI), find a comfortable spot and rip these movies to shreds with us! Why? BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT! Just be sure to post your Twitter handles in the comments section or seek us out on Twitter and let us know you’re in on the fun. (On Twitter you can add people to a list, that way you don’t have to follow on your regular newsfeed, you can just pick it up on the list. Also, we will be using the hashtag #badnetflix. It worked really well last time and anyone that sees our posts will be able to pull up that hashtag and see what everyone else is doing as well!

By all means, make it your own. Maybe doodle pictures while you’re watching it, record yourself hating yourself for watching these movies, whatever you want to do!

Where can you find us?

Here is the official twitter .You can also just follow the list. You can also go to the Facebook or the official site. These are all still works in progress but they will be updated frequently. 

The Shit we are watching 

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes

2010-89 Minutes-PG-13
Directed by: Rachel Goldenberg
IMDB Rating- 3.9/10

Synopsis

A mob of massive monsters invades London in this low-budget take on the classic detective story, not to be confused with the blockbuster retelling of the Sherlock Holmes saga. In this version, Dr. Watson (Gareth David-Lloyd) begins to believe that the creatures exist, but master sleuth Sherlock Holmes (Ben Syder) thinks villain Spring-Heeled Jack (Dominic Keating) is behind the attacks. Now, they must track down the master criminal before his plan for world domination comes to fruition.

Ninja Vengeance

1988- 87 Minutes- R
Directed by: Karl Armstrong
IMDB Rating: 2.5/10
Synopsis

Drifter Jesse's (David Lord) motorcycle breaks down as he rolls into a small Texas town. The locals seem friendly, until Jesse uncovers the brutal underbelly of this quiet place, which fires his strength and honor as a ninja warrior. With lovely Samantha (Janet Pawlak) at his side, Jesse faces the Ku Klux Klan to save an innocent man (Craig Boyett). Even the sheriff is in the Klan's grip, and Jesse must summon his every skill to restore justice.

2008-87 Minutes- R
Directed by: Greg Bishop
IMDB Rating: 6/10
Synopisis

Filled with geekdom and gore, this tongue-in-cheek, teen creature feature centers on a high school prom at which the living dead await a crowd of unsuspecting students. Unfortunately for the promgoers, the only ones who can save them from zombiehood are the losers who couldn't even get a prom date in the first place. Can the vastly different cliques band together long enough to defeat the living dead? Jared Kusnitz and Greyson Chadwick star.

What time should you tune in?

Sherlock Holmes - 89 minutes - begin 8:30e/7:30c/6:30m/5:30p

*15 minute break*
Ninja Vengeance-87 minutes - begin 10:15e/9:15c/8:15m/7:15p

*15 minute break*

Dance of the Dead-87 minutes - begin 12:00(am)e/11:00c/10:00m/9:00p

Closing Thoughts

This will be the fourth Bad Netflix we have done and I have made it to everyone.  Each one has been a blast.  I am super stoked for this one and want to thank all the fellow bad netflixers for allowing me to kinda set this one up. I hope the films are fun for everyone. We have had the curse of the third movie which I guarantee is going to be broken here.  As Morbid has said I am kind of sad to see the curse go. I am guessing it's like Menopause.