Ass To Mouth With Kimmy Gibbler: A Look At Atom The Amazing Zombie Killer- Zack Beins/Richard Taylor

Atom is just your everyday horror nerd. He loves zombies, horror, kicking it with his friends, and bowling. He has a girlfriend who loves to fuck, but doesn't appreciate any of his passions. She thinks his friends are useless, that his life is lacking purpose, and wants nothing to do with zombies, or horror of any kind. She is a horror hating whore basically. After Atom is kicked out of the bowling league thanks to those asshole slashers, his girl convinces him to skip movie night with the boys to go to some bullshit ass shit RomCom. He uses some tomfoolery to get her into the new zombie film. She is not amused. She pukes, he motorboats it. It's not enough. She leaves him for Dario. What is he to do now? Save the world from the zombie apocalypse? That is, if there is a zombie apocalypse. We will take a journey in and out of reality with Atom to find out what the true threat is.

Within seconds of popping this bitch in, I felt like I had taken a time machine back to my childhood. Sitting in my bedroom, watching the VHS I had rented. Or even recording it off of "USA Up All Night."
Atom the Amazing Zombie Killer is reminiscent of  many of the Troma films I grew up on. It is in your face with obscenities, disgusting sound effects, gore gags, references, taglines, puns, and hilarity.

The acting is the fun kind of bad. Not trying to hard out of nervousness, but trying to hard, because it's fun. The costumes and set design are often used as a punchline, and they aren't just tongue in cheek with the dialogue. They take their tongue, and forcibly shove it down your throat, until it comes out of your asshole, and sneaks up on your friend. It then starts giving your friend the best rim job they have ever had. They look satisfied, but ashamed. You may be worried, but you will quickly realize that shame is easy to get over, and you and your friend are having the time of your life. I may have gotten a bit off track. Basically I am saying this movie is pretty funny, and share a rimmy with your friend.

This is a film for people who enjoy taking low brow, and finding a way to stomp it into the ground. It has a ton of heart, sure when you poke the heart with a stake it oozes fecal matter, but it still has heart. It wasn't made to change the world. It wasn't made to win an Oscar. It was made because some dudes love horror, and wanted to share that love with the world. They wanted to have a good time making a film, and in turn you will have a good time watching it.  It is gross, fun, hilarious, slimy, oozy, ridiculous, and more over the top than a semi truck in an arm wrestling match.

3.5/5



-Tromeric

Dead Alive- Peter Jackson

     Before he made that trilogy that lasts longer than a pedophile trying to fuck a twenty year old Peter Jackson made some of the most important entry's in the splatter genre.
     Zombie Priests, zombie babys, fucking zombie priests, rat monkeys, puss pudding, giant bitches, lawnmowers  and more splatter than a bukake film. 


5/5

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 27

     A guilty pleasure?  That is not easy for someone that proudly watches every movie ever that has the man eater logo on it.  I watch Theodore Rex, yeah that movie with Whoopi Goldberg and the dinosaur with chucks on and text everyone I know to tell them I am watching it for the third night in a row.  I shout from the rooftops my love for Blood Freak and Troll 2.  I look at the web store for The Asylum all the time planning out what sweet coffee mug from what 80's Pop Star movie I wanna drink my morning cup of joe out of. I read Mr Gable's Reality everyday to see what he has to recommend. I love bad shit and I am not ashamed.  "Gonna have me some fun."  Well when thinking about it I came up with one that stood out.
     Uwe Boll. This guy is one of the most hated directors out there.  Most of his movies are garbage.  I mean really fucking bad.  Alone in the Dark, Christian Slater gave a better performance in Kuffs.  Bloodrayne was so bad when it was over I couldn't even talk. Now we get to my choice. House of the dead, based off a video game where you shoot zombies.  That is about all the movie is. He interwove actual video game footage into this.The guy from Das Boot is in it and acts about as well as Shaq in Kazaam .  Lois Lane is in it and shows her titties which is sweet and makes up for the anger I felt during Butterfly Effect 2 when I was ripped off.  The editing, the writing, the acting its all shit, but you know what? I love it, I love all of Dr Bolls shitty ass movies. I am a bit ashamed but that's OK. A couple years ago he released the "funny version" and it was so fucking brilliant. Its like MST3K with Uwe Boll.  I will continue to watch his shit waiting for Auschwitz which I am guessing is gonna be the most offensive movie ever made.  I salute my lord and master Dr Boll for beating his critics and me into submission.

Tromeric

30 Day Horror Challenge day 14

     Day 14.  The zombie film, for this to whoever created this I say....Fuck You!  Seriously, there are so many god damn zombie movies, granted a big chunk of them are about as sweet as the maggots crawling out of my dead dads asshole but there are many that rule my balls.  When I started thinking about this right away so many came flooding into my mind, it was like Katrina all over again.  The purist in me was like well shit gotta go with Romero, everyone has their favorite and for me its Day hands down.  The gore and the isolation not to mention Bub who owns super hard. Then I thought of Dellamorte Dellamore.  I fucking love that movie, then all the horror comedy's came rushing into my brain like that line I did off that dead hookers ass earlier. Shaun of the Dead, Dance of the Dead, Return of the Living Dead.  Then I started thinking more obscure Jean Rollin brought us The Grapes of Death and Zombie Lake. When all was said and done though I only had one answer....

     Lucio Fulci AKA God.  When I think of a zombie movie that makes my shit rock hard there is one choice.   Did you see that zombie fighting that shark?  Yeah I just shot the biggest load out my dick.  Yeah that bitch just got splintered in the eye in slo mo.  I got in a sweet argument with my mom about this scene years ago.  She was mad because she was trying to sleep and kept waking up to a woman screaming. I told her "you would scream too if you were getting your eye gouged out in slow motion."  I still think this is a valid argument.  This is a little bit of a slow starter but once it does it keeps on going.  Its like the underdog in the special Olympics, you cant stop that.  The music will forever be ingrained in my brain and all the gore and zombies are so fucking awesome.  When I want  a zombie flick my brain always goes to this first.  

Tromeric

Die-ner(get it?)- Patrick Horvath

     So I got real drunk and put this little gem on. I was expecting some garbage with a few redeeming qualities kinda like Retardead or something like that. I hit the play button after my fifth spider bite and the opening happened and I already knew I had looked at this all wrong. It's like when you wake up in the morning and the girl you brought home with you  is in the shitter and you have the moment of fear when she walks out assuming you brought home a yeti or some shit and then are pleasantly surprised when shes not half bad.
     DIEner starts off with a back and forth between a South African waitress(I was sold just on the fact she was South African) and a traveler.  The back and forth is very believable and tense all at the same time which is when I realized I had judged this movie wrong. The traveler guts her and the cook and we get a sweet opening credit sequence reminiscent of a late H.G. Lewis movie.  Next up we have a couple who is fighting because they finally realized there is no such thing as true love.  There is some awkward back and forth between them and the traveler who is now pretending he works at the diner. Next up we have the sheriff who came straight off the set of Dukes of Hazard. Now all hell breaks loose as for some unknown reason everyone starts turning into zombies. They don't explain it and I am OK with that. I will quit there as the rest is better left to the viewer to discover.  The thing about DIEner is everyone in it is really good. I didn't expect that. The killer is reminiscent of Paul Rudd and plays his character right on the line of creepy and likable. He would make a great child molester. The couple is believable and pulls off all the tension and humor quite well.
      DIEner is not a perfect film but put it in and you will be surprised at what they pulled off for what I am sure was quite the modest budget. There are worse ways to spend an evening and this one has no risk of and STD so thats gotta count for something.

3.5/5


Tromeric

Night of the Creeps- Fred Dekker

Holy shit I love this movie. Mother Fucking Atkins is the man. So many amazing quotes. You have everything you could fucking want. Aliens, Zombies, Naked Bitches, Atkins, Nerds, Blood, Flame Thrower, Guns, K and B from KNB, Cool cars, The 80's. Ive decided to play a drinking game next time I watch this, take a shot every time they say creeps. Holy shit I will be fucked up, its like the Wild Zero drinking game, or the Flight of the living Dead one. What can I write that hasn't been said about this masterpiece. Its close to perfect. Stop being a bitch and go buy the recently released S.E. It will be the best thing you have done since you stop pissing the bed, although if you play the drinking game you may start that habit again.

5/5

Eric

Zombieland- Ruben Fleischer

What about Bob? Amazing. One of the best intros since The Last Boy Scout. All Zombie killings should be in surrealistic Slo-Mo. Woody Harrelson Fucking Rules. "Wanna feel how hard I can Punch?" I laughed so hard I gave myself a Pink Sock, then I kept laughing and my Pink Sock kind of got some motion in it and I ended up slapping the person behind me in the face with my Pink Sock. They ended up puking, and the person next to them puked, and next to them. It was like a big Stand by me moment. Anyways back to Zombieland. Fun fucking movie, great cast, great effects, something a little different. Watch this shit yo.

3.5/5

Eric

Stan Helsing- Bo Zenga/Dead Snow-Tommy Wirkola(Guest Reviews by Gabe)

So today we have a couple of Guest Reviews from Gabe Nye the Science Guy

If you're like me you want to take a huge shit on the recent "___ movie" genre. The obnoxious attempts to parody popular movies that inspire no laughs and a lot of hate towards the filmmakers. The Scary Movie series really kicked this off, and they are some of the worst. On the other hand, I have nothing but love for the old school parody movies, Mel Brooks is a god among men, and the old Naked Gun and Airplane movies are pure genius. It seems to me that the last really good parody movie was Repossesed. Well, now we finally have another one worth watching. Is it as good as the old Brooks or Leslie Nielson movies? No, but it's a damn sight closer than anything in a long time. Hell, good ol' Leslie has a pretty hilarious role in Stan Helsing even.

As far as plot goes, take all the major slashers (Freddy, Jason, Pinhead, etc...) and make them just a little different with sort of retarded jokes built in (Freddy wears a "flava flav" clock and has a swiss army glove, "Pleatherface" has a leaf blower). Then, make a lot of immature slapstick/fart/dick jokes at the protagonists' expense, in the best way possible. It's not a "good" movie, but it's a lot of fun, and it reminded me of the ones I watched all the time as a kid, and that's what matters. Get a few drinks, keep in mind that dick and fart jokes are still super funny, no matter how old you are, and you'll have a great time.

3/5

Gabe Nye the Science Guy




Fuck, I feel like I had been waiting for this movie for practically my whole life. Nothing goes together in my mind better than Nazis and Zombies. It's the fucking reese's peanut butter cup of the horror world to me. Unfortunately for everyone, there just haven't been any truly great Nazi Zombie movies made yet. (I admit I haven't seen all of them, and there are a few that I've been told are pretty decent, so don't get pissed if there's already one you love.) This isn't the most original execution of the horror genre, a bunch of attractive young adults go hang out in a cabin on a mountain. They proceed to drink and fuck, natch, and even get a visit from a sort of creepy old guy that tells them all of the important "evil Nazis buried under the snow" information that the audience needs. Complete with a "don't awake the ancient evil" warning.

Soon enough Nazi Zombies are killing motherfuckers left and right, and getting re-killed themselves. So, pretty basic stuff there, but it still manages to impress. There are some pretty awesome kills, both for the zombies and the teens, and some pretty good use of intestines, something that I feel is severely underused in zombie movies. The gore is great, the zombies look sweet, and I had a grin on my face pretty much the whole time. Also, there's a ton of metal on the soundtrack, not all of it is great, but I think we can all agree that there needs to be more metal in horror movies.

P.S. this is a Norwegian movie, so if you're one of those people that can't deal with subtitles you might want to steer clear until you find a dubbed version. But, seriously, grow the fuck up and learn to read. I was trashed and I still managed to read all the dialog and watch all the kills, it ain't rocket science people.

4/5

Gabe Nye the Science Guy

Oneechanbara: The Movie - Yôhei Fukuda

I think Uwe Boll Made this, well its the movie he wishes he made, based on a video game, incorporates video game footage, bad acting, bad CGI, its got all the staples of a Boll film but manages to be more entertaining, not great by any means and could of used more bikini action but at least there are lots of zombies with Pancho's and mystical fireballs. Get a bottle and you will be entertained, your IQ will not grow but your penis will.

2/5

Eric

Pontypool- Bruce McDonald

What the Fuck!!!!

4/5

Eric

House of the dead(funny version)- Uwe Boll

Oh my god, Uwe ball rulz my ballz. He sucks Jesus cock. He is the New Ed wood. He boxed some dudes like Mike Tyson, no ear eating though. This movie sucked. Video game footage is not good, but it rulz. This version made me laugh so hard i came funny cum. That's like cum with word balloons. Brian USAed secret cutted me. Gross, y0ung Louis Lane shows her ta ta's. Nice. I searched for this movie like Columbus searched for America, this movie is better than America, fiveial has helathcare. Watch this if you have a sense of humor, if not watch meet the parents. Ed or Edna, that's what i say.

Movie .5/5 This version 4/5

Eric