Versatile Blogger Award

So Micah over at 365horrormovie  passed on the Versatile Blogger Award this way. So thank you for that good sir, there are a few rules around receiving an award. First, thank the person that gave it to you(done). Then, list 7 interesting things about yourself(I could go on for days), and finally, pass the award on to 15 other worthy blogs and let them know you awarded them(don't think I read 15 but I will do my best).





1. When I was a wee little Shit I tried to dig to hell as I had heard it was down and thought it sounded like a bad ass place. My grandma returned home and found her garden tore to shit and me in the hole already deep enough to bury a body(I'm thinking she considered that as a possibility). Who would of thought all these years later I would still be digging my way to hell(in a less literal sense).


2. Back in the days before everything was on DVD I spent $230 on an Eraserhead VHS.


3. Although I spend much of my time seeking out the most twisted and fucked up films available, I,  like Sears have a softer side and have a weird obsession with talking animal movies. Homeward Bound is one of my most watched movies ever(right next to Lost Highway)

4. Of all of the movie marathons I have done in the years the most painful were the Saw marathon(I don't enjoy these films at all)and the Children of the Corn one(10 fucking movies). Someday I would like to attempt a Witchcraft marathon.

 5. I co-owned a video store named Videodrome in the butthole of Washington also known as Yakima.

 6. Michael Horse(Hawk from Twin Peaks) told me the most random story about a pissed off beaver I have ever heard.  It was the Travis Bickle of beavers from what I hear.

7. I once jumped off a 40 foot bridge into 2 feet of water(guess I should of checked that first)it hurt.

and now I will leave you with a small list of bad ass blogs from the verse.


The Inferno Music Vault- Probably the best of the Soundtrack Blogs out there. 

The Manchester Morgue- Lots of great soundtracks as well as plenty of randomness to keep you entertained.

Toys can't hurt you- Amazing custom Action Figures. He made one based off a Municipal waste song for Christs sake.


Mondo Holocausto- Great reviews, has been inactive for about a year but I'm still hoping it comes back.


Well nowhere near 15 but oh well of Course 365horrormovie would be on here but I'm guessing since he gave it to me I am not suppose to give it back. Anyways thanks for reading and check out these blogs motherfucks.



Tromeric

A Serbian Film- Srdjan Spasojevic

PILF"S. I thought my sick group of friends were the only people even capable of thinking of something so sick.  I was terribly wrong and I'm not going to explain to you what that is because I think you can go to jail for just talking about it. Now to the review. I will start with saying I am not really gonna explain this film at all, I could try and maybe even succeed but to be blunt. I don't want to. If you are up to watching this it is best to go in with no knowledge of what is about to happen. And if you have any sense of humanity or morals left(boring) you probably don't wanna commit to this anyways. For the first time ever I have seen a movie that I wouldn't necessarily recommend to everyone. See I am kind of a sick fuck and while certain  movies have shocked me or grossed me out or made me feel like shit, I still like to see peoples reactions and know that I helped ruin there day just a little bit. Its all in good fun but I still enjoy it, weather its Nekromantik or Subconscious Cruelty or Salo I love being shocked and love to pass it on. Its like Pay it Forward only not gay. Anyways A Serbian Film is so fucked up I cant even begin to explain it. I'm in shock, I felt nauseated which happens about as often as the second coming of Christ(that's never by the way). This movie is not for everyone, hell it probably shouldn't be for anyone but if you are strong willed enough to watch it and can make it though it without slicing your eyeball out I say go for it. Within the brutal sick twisted and insane hour and a half of celluloid lies an interesting, honest, insanely well acted and directed piece of might I say genius. I don't know if I can go quite that far. You are in the hands of a madman, its not even really hidden. There will be plenty of arguments about this, many will see it just as sleaze and exploitation while some will go the complete opposite and call it the next Picasso. I'm not comfortable to go with either. I think there is a little of both and I am OK with that.  While many films in the last century have pushed the envelope on many different levels A Serbian Film rapes the envelope, not just rapes but rapes it for nine minutes frombe in a tunnel. For all the times I have heard things such as "keep repeating, its only a movie" or "nothing so appalling in the annals of horror" or "the one that goes all the way" this is the first time I left a viewing where it went farther then I expected or was warned of. While not a perfect film this has definitely  carved out a place in history and is sure to spark debates and arguments for years to come and for that along with the fact that it made me gag as if I was on the set of Garbage Pail Girls I have to get behind this film.(no homo)

4.5/5

Tromeric

Predators- Nimród Antal

Rickity the Field Mouse, Eric Forman, Razor Charlie, Angélica, and Jimmy Jump wake up after drinking some mountain dew.  After exploring for a bit they come to the conclusion that they may not be in Kansas anymore. That's just the first couple minutes, after this

badassary ensues. Fuck the Rush Hour sequels AKA the Alien vs Predator movies. Bullshit ass shit I say. Predators have not been bad ass since the Glove took em on back in the day in Los Angeles. This is by no means a masterpiece, its slightly predictable, and pretty basic story wise. Who gives a fuck, its two hours of ass kicking, spine ripping, beheading, and killing the fuck out of predators and humans alike. This movie is more fun than putting Christopher Reeve at the bottom of the stairs and setting his lazy chair at the top. Akira Kurosawa guest directs a scene and it is fucking amazing. Ok that may be a lie, but I still think his ghost was involved somehow.  There is a few homages to the original which are awesome but not recockulous. The music is great not as great as the wonderful Alan Silvestri score but still very fitting and definitely  inspired by the original.  Evan is making me ramble, if you need more than this to go out and see this you may be nothing more than a slack jawed faggot, make the time, see I don't have time to bleed but I do have time to see this and you should to, get to the chopper and thank that fairy tale in the sky that there is finally another Predator movie you can get behind.

3.5/5

Tromeric

Five Across the Eyes -Greg Swinson/RyanThiessen

Another guest review from Jimmy Caution this time, check out is label Amputape for some badass tapes and zines and whatnot.

Okay so this is supposed to be a real time film shot on a really shitty DV camera about some girls going to or coming back from some sporting event or something. Since the film is in “Real Time” so is this review. The camera work is an abhorrent attempt at “Cinematography”.  Everything looks out of focus and blurry (or maybe that’s my fault?) They just keep fucking with the camera while the five shitty actor girls vomit their useless dialogue.  The ladies decide to deviate from the main road their friends are on and take some side road “Just to see where it goes.” Are you fucking serious?! Oh and big fuckin surprise their cell phones stop working. They all have shitty coverage apparently. Hmm, there’s a bunch of words shrieking through my TV, I think it’s supposed to be dramatic.  Oh shit! One of them is a Christ-y and started praying!!! Wow. Oh yeah, I forgot to mentionthere’s someone following them. She looks like a pissed off soccer mom with a shotgun. It would be just fine if she blew their heads off right now. These chicks are super annoying and I can’t wait for them to be killed.  Shotgun Soccer Mom orders the girls to strip and threatens to shove her shotgun up this chicks ass and blow it through her mouth? Sounds sexy.Now she makes one of them piss herself ala The Last House on the Left but completely unmoving/boring like the shitty remawas. Oh SSM just left, sorry, I was checking my email.

Anyway, um the girls are crying and giving topless hugs to each other now and even that is boring. So far the most interesting thing was a moth or something that was flying around the cars dome light for a minute. It bailed pretty quickly. Much like I would like to do right now if it wasn’t for the fact that I promised Tromeric I would send him something for the Grog. These girls are reaaaally stupid.After the SSM leaves they follow the same fucking directionas her to escape?  Of course SSM starts after them again. Are you sick of reading this yet? I would be. Did anyone see that Korean film The Chaser? That was very well made, very suspenseful. Naboer is excellent as well, the director understands how to tell a story and keep it interesting (hint hint). HAHA one of the girls shit in her hand and threw it on the SSM’s window.  Oh now a sneeze puke. Is this why the DVD cover says attention grabbing crap like “Brutal” and “A film that demands to be seen!”?  Can you feel how much I am hating this? I could be making a turkey drawing with my hand or reading the bible, or some other pointless activity and it would be better than this. Have you seen how fucked up Roger Ebert looks now? What the fuck happened to him? He uses a Hawking style computer voice to speak and has this insane perma-smile on his face. I should be watching video of that right now.

I kind of admire the lack of any sort of score or soundtrack in this. Yet I feel like if there was something to drown out all of the screaming I could enjoy it better. I’m the one who keeps screaming by the way. Fuck these athletic girls are strong and smart. They try to hide the car and can barely push it a couple of feet and then toss a few branches on the windshield to hide it. Kind of like when you were a little kid and thought if you couldn’t see someone when you were hiding they couldn’t see you. FUUUUUUCK there’s another hour of this left. Wait there’s only one girl in the car now? I’m sure the massive flashlight she is using to escape won’t draw the SSM’s attention at all. I’ve seen better movies from Brain Damage. There’s some Evanescence kinda song playing and a bunch of the girls are back now? I’m confused and insulted by this. The special effects are so shoddy. This girl is supposed to have blood all over her mouth but she just looks like Spaget from Tim & Eric. She had a screwdriver stuck up her vag, I guess that’s “Shocking”. The girl that’s driving gets glass from the windshield stuck into her eyes but is looking at the blood on her hands and freaking out? Hmm, she is also able to drive and see again after wiping her eyes on her friends’ sleeve?Best line of the movie “If she kills you you’re dead!” Seriously someone took time to write that. Man, fuck this movie. One of the quotes on the DVD sleeve is from  SlasherPool.com saying this is “Brilliant, demented, and disturbing…One of the best horror movies ever!” The person that said that either got paid to do it or has never seen a horror film before.  This lacks any real intensity, emotion, or believability. With what the Directors were trying to accomplish with the “You’re there in the action” style it all fails miserably to achieve any semblance of reality. This is crap. I’m even going easy on it, I could say a lot worse with more detail but why fucking bother. And to the Directors:when you Google yourself and end up reading this review of your fucking horrible movie, just remember that I paid for it. I spent money on this. Your movie was crap and there were two of you working on it! Didn’t one of you at least say to the other at some point “You know um, this doesn’t really make sense and is pretty horrible.”? Fucking hell! Better luck next time guys. How you got such hyperbolic quotes from some semi-respectable film sites blows my mind. That is the only thing shocking and terrifying about FIVE ACROSS THE EYES.    

 .01/5

 -Jimmy Caution

Blood on the Highway- Barak Epstein/Blair Rowan

So I went into this with very low expectations, I sift through a lot of shit and its safe to assume most of it is gonna suck Jesus balls.  So like many other days I grabbed my drank put in the disc and expected to be bored and downing my half gallon of Evan Williams to survive. Within minutes i heard lines such as "I'm gonna kick your balls right out your twat boy" and " not even vomit could tarnish that sweet ass."  With these great lines, dumb ass characters and massive amounts of gore within the first few minutes I was willing to give this cheese fest a shot.  The lines continued to crack my shit up, at first I was writing them all down but within ten minutes I realized that I didn't have the patience as they were as common as a 10 year old's smegma on the popes shaft.  This movie is by no means perfect or even close, it is however a fun ride full of blood, vampires, Nicholas Brendon, horror punk, Tom Towels, hillbillies, Attempted Bro Rape, and some of the most offensive hilarious dialogue this side of a Giuseppe Andrews film. Think Sundown date rapes Dead and Breakfast and 2000 Maniacs shows up and aborts the baby they made.  If you want quality cinema I wouldn't necessarily recommend this but if you wanna get fucked up and do fucked up things grab this disc take a few shots and have some mother fucking fun.

3.5/5

Tromeric

Top 20 horror scores

 So we all know music makes a huge difference in how a film turns out. There is a classic story about people seeing Halloween before it was scored and thinking it was bullshit. We all know now that movie scares the fuck out me, still and Ive seen it well into the hundreds of times.  This list was not easy to compile, I am a huge fan of both music and film and spend alot of time listening to film scores. I left a lot out, these are the 20 I never get sick of, most are old. A few new. I can tell they wont get old and they do multiply the movie times a million. I did leave Ernest Scared Stupid off, and thats one of the hardest things I have ever done. It would be like 21. Anyways enough rambling. Top 20 horror scores bitches.

20. Zombieland- David Sardy- This is one of the few new films on the list. This movie is not perfect, it is however a fuckton of fun. Regardless of how you feel about the movie David Sardy creates so much atmosphere with his simple yet effective score. Its like Slug up in the mutha fucka. I put this in and  just become happy, and the next time I am sad, it manages to bring up pretty much every emotion possible in the same score. That's impressive in my book. Its like turning a preist on with a vagina. Not an easy task yet it seems so simple.
 


19. The Exorcist- Mike Oldfield- Do I really need to say anything about this, its  a classic, I hear it and I think of a girl banging herself with a crucifix, that's a plus in my book.
 

18. The Omen- Jerry Goldsmith- This song is so eerie, Fantomas did a version on their Directors cut alub and it was so kick ass I wanted to kick a baby in its soft spot, repeatedly.
 


 17. Predator- Alan Silvestri- So when I hear this I do bad things, I will be just sitting there relaxing with a drink and all of a sudden I hear da da da da da duh. Next thing I know I'm at the top of the stairs Predator crawling down(by that I usually mean falling or rolling down in  an attempt to crawl.





16. The Thing- Ennio Morricone- This guy is a fucking genius and this score is one of his best and that is saying something. So fucking creepy. Man is the warmest place to hide.

15. Psycho- Bernard Hearmann- I feel like a lot of these I dont need to explain, but I'm drunk so I will anyways. You here this and you know right away. Don't stay in a hotel, dont get to close to your mom and dont take a shower. I guess hippies must watch Psycho.


14. Hellraiser- Chistopher Young- Not Clive Barkers first choice but still effective. I want to stick pins in my dickhole when I hear this. Is that weird?


 13. Trick r Treat- Douglas Pipes- Not to be confused with the sweet Rocksploitation film from the 80's about Sammi Curr, this movie took way to long to come out as it was one of the best horror films in years. Douglas Pipes creates a thick terrifying yet fun atmosphere for this song and is a must own for any fan of great film scores.

12. Puppet Master- Richard Band- Watching the Puppet Master films is still one of my fondest memories from growing up, and within one note of Richard Bands wonderful score I feel like I am a kid again.


11. Gremlins- Jerry Goldsmith- Another classic, Jerry Goldsmith is definitely one of the masters. I listen to this and am scared to feed anything after midnight. Its weird.



10. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer- Steven A. Jones- This makes me wanna take a shower, in blood, but still a shower. The music captures the bleakness of the film so well.


 
9. Hardware- Simon Boswell - A truly underated film with such a uneasy score.




8. I Stand Alone- Thierry Durbet- Gasper Noe is a sick fuck. This movie makes me feel like the worst person ever. I love it.





7. Suspiria- Goblin-Goblin are the shiznit, Suspira is so fucking good it gives me penis Tourette's.




6. Nekromantik- Daktari Lorenz- Corpse fucking has never quite been this beautiful. Wow.




5. House of the Devil- Jeff Grace- Another newbie but god damn is it an eerie score. Not to mention one of the best films of last year.


4. Tenebre- Goblin- Goblin wins again. This makes me wanna dance. Dance after I strangle a helpless victim while wearing awesome gloves.


3. Phantasm- Fred Myrow/Malcolm Seagrave- So fucking creepy and amazing and beautiful and awesome and bad ass and scary and killer, I could go on all day. They played this on the piano in an episode of Boy meets World and it shows up in a hip hop song as a sample. Booooooooooooooooooyyy!!!

2. Cannibal Holocaust- Riz Ortolini- Seeing some of the most fucked up imagery while listening to one of the most beautiful songs is very confusing. Its like getting raped on a Sealy Posturepedic bed.
 

And for number one we have a tie, one old one in the last ten years.

1. Bubba Ho-Tep- Bryan Tyler- Don't even have anything clever to say. This score makes me so happy, this movie is a masterpiece and makes my shit rock hard brah.


1. Halloween- John Carpenter- If  I have to say anything you have no business reading this list.



Tromeric

Top 20 Songs used in a film

 So I posted this list on the FB page a bit ago but I expanded it with notes and pictures and videos so you all can enjoy the baddassary in one place.(if anyone can find the Spaced Invaders rap, audio or video please let me know)


20. Straight between the eyes- Anvil(Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers)

Anvil was a bad ass band that never really got the credit they deserved till recently when an amazing documentary was made about them came out. What they did get was to be on the soundtrack of one of the best sequels this side of C.H.U.D. 2: Bud the Chud or Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo.


 

19. Critter Skitter- David Newman(Critters)

This song makes me wanna dance like my life depended on it, Ill pour milk on myself and shit.


 

 18. Everybody gets laid tonight- Hammerhead(Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter)
This song makes me so happy, Its like Journey done with lyrics by a Posicore band.

 

17. When the rain begins to fall- Jermaine Jackson/Pia Zadora(Voyage of the rock Aliens)- One of the main movies that should be on DVD. Jesus Balls.
 


16. Taking over the World- David E. Russo/Kirk R. Thatcher/Michael Mclure/David Friendly(Spaced Invaders)

This is the best rap song maybe ever, The Leprechaun rap is up there but this is so fucking good and it is a sham that I cant find it anywhere to post on here. I will murder the earth on my conquest to find this. Later though I'm lazy at the moment.


15. Psychos in Love- Carmine Capobianco/Debi Thiseault(Psychos in Love)

Do I have to say anything a great song and a great film, truly underrated.

 



14. Me Against the World- Lizzy Borden(Black Roses)
Bad ass movie, Bad ass song, Bad ass Band. FIN.




 

 13. Move your dead bones- Dr Re animator(Beyond Re animator)


When you put in a horror film and check the music video in the special features you of course assume they get a middle aged man from Spain to do a dance song with explosions and dancing zombies don't you? I do.
 

 12. Leatherface- Laaz Rockit(Leatherface:The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3)
Bad ass Thrash about one of the bad assiest badasses. Leatherface Mother FUCKS!!!!!

 


11. The Monster Squad- The Monster Squad(The Monster Squad)

Stephen King Rules! Everything in this movie rules, This is my childhood without the molestation. Wolfman has Nards!!!
 
10. Lost in Time- Dwayne Muffia Simon/Daryl big daddy Peirce(Waxwork 2:Lost in time)

Another great rap to another great sequel. 

9. Shocker- Dudes of Wrath(Shocker)


So this guy is named Guy Man Dude. He does look alot like that guy from Kiss but whatever, SO GOOD.



8. Trick or Treat- Fastway(Trick or Treat)



The best rocksploitation film ever made and such an amazing soundtrack. Death to false metal.




7. Tonight(We'll make love until we die)- SSQ(Return of the living Dead)
Trash dances naked to this, and it rules, did I say Trash danced Naked?

7. 5.   Rocky Erickson- Burn the Flames(Return of the living dead) Rocky is and has always been a badass. This song makes me wanna give Gandhi a Clown Frown.

6. Manic Depresso(I'm so happy)- Sykotic Sinfony(Bad Channels)
 This movie is still one of my favorites of the glorious Full Moon days and I used to just watch this part over and over. Checked out some of their other stuff. Not that good. But I would rape a priest if it meant getting this song put in the hall of fame.



5. Killer Klowns- The Dickies(Killer Klowns from Outer Space)

 

4. Pet Semetary- The Ramones(Pet Semetary)

One of the best punk bands ever. Check. One of the best movies with the boys have a penis kid. Check. You get it.


 


3. Dream Warriors- Dokken(A Nightmare on elm St 3: Dream Warriors)

Dokken is back for the attack, this time they attack Freddy and it is BADASS! In fourth grade I watched this video at the end of the VHS so many times that it wore out that part of the tape.









2. In Heaven(Everything is fine)- Peter Ivers/David Lynch(Eraserhead)
David Lynch is like God with the slight difference being his existence. The Pixies coverd this song, I think there was a bowling ball in the video.





1. He's Back(The Man behind the Mask)-Alice Cooper(Friday the 13th 6: Jason Lives)

Alice Cooper before he found God in is Guillotine wrote bad ass music, this time he wrote about the best retard with a machete ever. Nice. 





Tromeric