Guts and Grog Tooned Up

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Top 50 Horror Sequels Part 3: Electric Boogaloo

30. Night of the Demons 2- Brian Trenchard-Smith

     Night of the Demons was one of my favorite 80's party, gooey, possession films ever. Brian Trenchard-Smith took a break from directing bad ass ozsploitation films for this follow up that holds up pretty god damn well.

29. Pet Semetary Two-  Mary Lambert

      This movie gets a bad rap in my opinion. The first Pet Semetary is good but not perfect by any means. I love it and it is  a decent representation of the novel, however for just plain old fun I prefer this.  I saw this as a double feature with Hellraiser 3 that is another sequel that I think is looked at in the wrong light.  Pet Semetary 2 is dark, funny and gory. You don't have to compare it to its more serious counterpart.  Sit back and enjoy Eddie Furlong fucking shit up.

28. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers- Dwight H. Little

      The second Halloween is a nice follow up to the original as it takes place directly after the first one. It's like an extension. Growing up I hated part three with that lack of Michael Myers. I grew to change my mind, as long as I looked at it as a different film it was great. I left it off the list because it has nothing to do with the franchise. Halloween 4 is the first sequel in my opinion. It took the original(which is far superior, don't get me wrong) and moved it ahead ten years and you got to see a lot of what made Michael tick. Sure this is where the story starts to get insane but fuck it, don't take everything so serious. It's a fun ride. You may want to double bag it(by that I mean get shitty) but the characters are fun and the kills are rad.


27. Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snoman

     Jack frost raped Shannon Elizabeth is the first one. That was rad. He now returns to a tropical island to say some of the best one liners ever and not melt somehow. If you don't want to watch a killer snowman on a tropical island kill bitches you should reevaluate yourself. 

26. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan- Rob Hedden

     This is one of the most hated sequels in the world. I don't get it. Sure it should be called Jason takes a boat as Jason is in Manhattan about as long as it takes a priest to cum when he enters little Timmy's butt hole. I can forgive that just like the pope forgives rape.  Jason knocks a dudes head off. There is a hot asian chick, a chick who loves to metal out and get her face slammed by here flying V and who can forget the hot rock being shoved through a dude. The uncle looks like Robert Stack and Jason looks like Corky from life goes on after a chemical burn.

25. Psycho II- Richard Franklin

     This came out so long after the original I would of never guessed it was worth a shit. Psycho is one of the best movies ever made period. This will never compare, it is however a intriguing character study and super entertaining film.

24. Gremlins 2: The New Batch- Joe Dante

     One of the rare examples where I like the sequel more than the original. I love the first one don't get me wrong but two takes everything great about the first one and rapes it for nine minutes. The new Gremlins are so bad ass. The gargoyle and the scientist rule my balls. John Glover and the twins from Eerie Indiana are great and how can you argue with Christopher Lee.

23. The Exorcist III- William Peter Blatty

     Exorcist two is horse shit. They got the writer of the first one to direct this and I almost like it better. The first may be a better film but I love this. Super creepy and awesome and the only Exorcist sequel not made out of shit.

22. Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare- Rachel Talalay

     Here is another of the most hated sequels out there. I don't get it. Sure it is kind of ridiculous and lost the feel of the first one. The thing is, so did two, three, four and five.  You don't have to take everything so serious. This is fun and full of references from the original. You have a Johnny Depp cameo. Alice Cooper is in it, not to mention Rosanne and Tom Arnold. I saw this in the theater in 3D and loved it and still do. It is my third favorite Freddy film for sure.

21. Critters 2: The Main Course- Mick Garris

     The king of King returns for a second time on the list with Critters 2. I love Critters but it was not a perfect film by any means. Two came along and took everything good about the first one mixed in a million other amazing things like critter ball and Playboy crite hunter to make a fun, amazing film.

      Well twenty to go. What do you think so far? I know I have included some hated films on this list and I will be up front with you its only gonna get worse(better). Let me know why I am wrong and keep your eyes out for the next installment.


Saturday, August 27, 2011

Gabe Nye the Science Guy gets drunk and has a Final Destination Marathon

     Hey there everybody. Gabe Nye here with my latest guest review. I'm doing something a little different this time, as I'm reviewing a marathon that I decided to partake in tonight instead of a single horror flick. With the 5th Final Destination movie somehow getting greenlit and released to theaters (I mock, but I'm hearing a lot of good things about it) I decided I should go back and get caught up before I go see it tomorrow. So here I am spending a Friday night getting trashed and watching some fairly mediocre horror movies. I've got a lot of strong nostalgia for this series that makes me enjoy them a bit more than most people probably would. The first movie came out way back “in the year two thoooousand” to quote Conan, back when I was about to finish high school. I found out about the movie because something akin to a primitive Digg, Reddit, or StumbleUpon had pointed me towards the movie's website (via dial-up, it was the dark ages) and its, at the time, innovative death clock. We've all seen them a thousand times now, but back then it was pretty cool to put in my birthday and a few other facts and get back an estimate of when I'd die. The rest of the website was similarly interesting, giving stories of people cheating death and meeting unlikely demises after the fact. It wasn't quite what we expect these days from viral marketing campaigns and the like, but back then it was pretty fucking cool. So I told my girlfriend about it, and we both got psyched to see the movie without ever seeing a trailer (How weird is that? Back in the day before we'd just YouTube it.). We went and saw it opening night, and were both pretty goddamned impressed. Keep in mind that this was mid 2000, and I was seventeen years old, and you can probably get why I was so stoked.
    So here I am, eleven years later, getting ready to dive back into the series. Even though I loved the first one so much, and the second one had such awesome deaths, I never did watch 3 and 4. Should be an interesting night, and the alcohol will make it a lot of fun. I've been using twitter to make note of my observations, so this should be a bit more coherent than some of my typical drunken reviews.
     Ok, part one, here's where it all begins. First off, I have to say that this movie has aged surprisingly well. I watched it so many times back in the day that I could still basically quote every line watching it tonight. Given that, I don't even remember the last time I watched it. I know for a fact it's been at least six years, but that's the closest I can narrow it down to. Anyway, you guys don't give a shit about when I watched the movie last. The point is, I remembered these epic death scenes that pushed the boundaries of what I had seen in horror movies as far as realism is concerned. So, did they live up to my memories? Yes and no. Yes, they are still some of the most interesting and occasionally hyper realistic death scenes in mainstream cinema. No, because some of the effects don't quite stand up to how they looked in my 17 year old brain. Here's the best part though, while there is a bit of CG in the move, they leave pretty much all of it out of the death scenes. There are some phenomenal practical effects here. So, the deaths are still awesome, and that's what the Final Destination movies have become famous for, but what about the movie itself? Frankly, I was astounded at how well this movie holds up, as a film. It's quick to get started, keeps up a good pace, and had a pretty clever plot. The subsequent sequels may have made the original premise seem pretty generic at this point, but it was a cool idea to begin with. It just got driven into the ground. That's kind of what sequels do though. Not much else to say about this one, so I'll move on to part two in a second. Before that I have to give this one a shout out for being one of, if not, the first mid face decapitations that I ever saw, and that's in my top five horror kills ever, hands down.
    Part two can be summed up pretty simply: make the deaths more elaborate and gory, and take the plot to its logical conclusion. It's the perfect setup for a sequel, and it works really well. The initial disaster is a massive car crash this time, and it is glorious to behold. It is one of the best scenes in modern filmmaking, and it's pretty damned impressive when you think about how much work obviously went into it. From that point on, we're subjected to a series of well thought out, gory death scenes. Where the first one left most of the gore to our imaginations, this one lets you see every last drop of blood. Whether or not that's a good thing is up to you. For one thing, it means using a lot more CG in the death scenes than we saw in the first one, and that's rarely a good thing in a horror movie. Still, they use it only when necessary, and the end results are pretty spectacular all around. Plot-wise, it's just building on the same premise from the first one. This time focusing on the domino effect of everyone not dying on the plane in part one. So, nothing terribly special. Still, it's all done with a nice tongue in cheek style that makes it a hell of a lot of fun from start to finish. Especially finish actually, the last scene in the movie is straight out of a goofy 80's horror flick, and it's one of my favorite movie moments. So that concludes the installments that I have warm nostalgia for, next up are the mostly critically maligned sequels. We'll see how I feel about them through drunken eyes.
    Part three, not a lot to say about this one really. Some of the deaths are pretty fun, but there's more CG than I care for, especially in the roller-coaster disaster at the start. Really, when you're making a Final Destination movie, you need to start with a bang. The plane explosion in the first one was rad, and the traffic massacre in part two was awe inspiring. The roller-coaster crash? Pretty “meh” all around. As I was lamenting watching this one on twitter, our uber-blogger Tromeric (the creator of guts and grog, if you didn't know) imparted these words of comfort on me “ have two things that will make it better the whole time...Mary Elizabeth Winstead's boobs.” As an unrepentant Scott Pilgrim devotee, this was all I needed to hear to get me through it. Honestly though, Ramona Flowers only made up for so much. This is a pretty disappointing film all around. Still, fun to watch, with some cool deaths. Enjoy it with a few drinks and you'll be A-OK. Next up is what seems to be universally considered the weakest link in the franchise. I'm running out of mixers for my vodka, so here's hoping I don't sober up halfway through.
    Quick side note before I really dive into part four, I have to mention what I consider to be the best part of the series so far. Starting with the first movie, with Sean William Scott's character Billy Hitchcock, it seems to be a running theme to have characters that share famous horror directors' last names. Part one also had a Murnau. (If you don't know that one, you have no business watching horror, just sayin') In part two we got Carpenter and Corman. Part three gave us Romero, and part four brings O'Bannon along for the ride. But the absolute best is that one of the main characters in part four has the last name Wynorski, clearly named after Jim Wynorski, who directed such gems as Chopping Mall, Deathstalker 2, and the Not of This Earth remake starring Traci Lords in her only non-pornographic/underage nude scene. That's just the tip of the iceberg for Wynorski, but the point is that the people who made Final Destination 4 get some mad props for that reference, even if theirs isn't the best of the franchise. Anyway, on to the actual review. (PS: a quick look at IMDB tells me that part five has Friedkin, Hooper, and Castle. You know you were as curious as me.) Also, there are probably other director references, so don't be pissy if I missed some. These are just what I noticed offhand.
    Ok, so number four definitely lives up to its reputation as the worst of the bunch. It has a great opening sequence, definitely better than the roller-coaster from part three. After that, though, it just falls into the trap of doing more of the same. The deaths are pretty forgettable, or worse, just rehash deaths from previous movies. All in all it's a big disappointment. I'll be stoked to see number five, if nothing else it's supposed to be as good as part two. It'd have to try pretty hard to be worse than this one.
    I could definitely go on for awhile about the intricacies of these films, but nobody cares about that. The whole point of them is to have fun watching gruesome deaths, and they all deliver on that, some better than others.
So how do they stack up for me? I'd have to say the first is still my favorite, the combination of an original plot and elaborate deaths made for a cool flick that was very different from what we were used to. The second one is really close, with better deaths and a nice lighthearted vibe overall, but it's just trying to recapture the magic of part one. Three is slightly better than four, but not by much. They're both pretty generic sequels that don't move the franchise forward at all. As a side note, why did they stick with the whole “everything is ok x months later, then they all die” ending? It worked great in the first one, because we didn't expect it. Then part 2 had a more down to earth surprise ending. But 3 and 4 both went straight back to the same essential ending as the first, like it was going to shock people at that point. Three is the worst, without giving anything away, because it teases a resolution that it fails to give you. At least four had sweet x-ray skeleton deaths. Still unoriginal, but at least visually interesting. Again, I could nitpick death. (with Tony Todd's voice) But I'll just leave you with my ratings before I pass out in an alcohol induced mini-coma. AKA: the best kind of sleep.

Final Destination: 4/5
Final Destination 2: 3.5/5
Final Destination 3: 3/5
The Final Destination (part 4) 2.5/5
Gabe Nye the Science Guy

Friday, August 26, 2011

Top 50 Horror Sequels Part 2: The Pajama Jam

40. Slumber Party Massacre II- Deborah Brock

     Is that a drill on that guitar? Did they try and make a David Lynch film out of a Slumber Party Massacre movie? Love it.

39. Army of Darkness- Sam Raimi

     I know many people will not understand how this is so low on the list. I enjoy the shit out of this but it just doesn't compare to the first two at all for me. It will always be an integral part of my childhood but I love puppets more.

38. Puppet Master II- Dave Allen

    Very few series remind me of my childhood more than Puppet Master. I love all of them. Well aside from vs Demonic Toys but I don't count that, that's like claiming a rape as loosing your virginity. Puppet Master two is great for a couple of reasons. The first is it's basically Ghost Hunters vs Puppet Master and second is the introduction of Torch. Torch is a bad ass and he will make you look like Travis Barker.

37. Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver- William Butler/Silvia St. Croix

     The newest Gingerdead Man film but hopefully not the last. This pissed off cookie takes on a time travel, a roller boogie and more references than I make, well maybe not that bad.

36. Waxwork II: Lost in Time- Anthony Hickox

     Waxwork two is basically Waxwork with Bruce Campbell and an amazing rap video over the credits.

35. Sleepaway Camp 3: Teenage Wasteland- Michael A. Simpson

     Amazing soundtrack, great cast and amazing kills. The Sleepaway Camp sequels took a great movie and changed the whole feel and it worked.

34. Pumkinhead II: Blood Wings- Jeff Burr

        Jeff Burr, king of the sequels takes a stab at one of my favorite characters. While not nearly as powerful as the original this is a fun ride kind of like your mom.   Oh, did  I mention Punkey Brewster and Linnea Quigley?

33. Piranha II: The Spawning- James Cameron

     Turns out James Cameron was even an asshole back then. His movies were better and had less blue people in  them. Did mention flying fish?

32.Seed of Chucky- Don Mancini

     The final installment of the Child's Play franchise is just a fun fucking film. Some may even call it a blast...of semen to your face. Sure it doesn't take itself serious at all, but I am OK with that. Kills are so fun and John Waters makes everything better.

31. Return of Swamp Thing- Jim Wynorski

In our generation we have been blessed with some great directors that have changed cinema. David Lynch, Stanley Kubrick, Alfred Hitchcock  and the genius behind such classics as Chopping Mall, Deathstalker II and this gem. Swamp thing is such a great character. Craven pulled off a great film with the first one and I grew up on the TV show and the cartoon. Wynorski just takes it to new levels of awesome. Heather Locklear is not bad eye candy either.

Well there is part two. Will I step it up for part three or loose steam and just kinda follow the same formula, or will I just say fuck it and make a list about something completely different. Be on the lookout.


Top 50 Horror sequels

     Sequels have always been a part of film, for some reason horror seems to take advantage of them more than any genre. Well maybe aside from porn. Sequels are made for many different reasons. I would guess cashing in would be right at the top of the list. It could be argued that lack of creativity or laziness could be factors as well but this is not about that. This is a list of hand picked sequels that I love. I am expecting some backlash for this list. Some of my favorite sequels are some of the most hated of the genre. Mr. Jagermeister and I will attempt to explain why we picked these. This list is in no way was put together using quality of film as the only reason. It is my thoughts on what I love to watch and in most cases grew up watching.  Some of these are bat shit crazy ideas that never should of made it past the brainstorming stage. I tried to keep it in direct sequel category which is why you will not see Dawn or Day of the Dead. I did not use films like Argento's three mothers trilogy or Chan-wook Park's Vengeance trilogy either.  I wanted to include Project ALF but felt like made for TV movie that followed up a sitcom might be pushing it. I also tried to keep it horror which is why Deathstalker 2 is not on here even though it is one of the best sequels this side of The Godfather.  I considered putting Sometimes they come back again and Sometimes they come back for more at the top just based off the titles. Those titles are right up there with Electric Boogaloo and The Search for Curly's Gold, unfortunately I couldn't in good conscience even put them on the list as they are basically dog shit. Well enough of that. Let the arguing begin as we enter Tromeric's twisted land of sequels.

50. Final Destination 2- David R. Ellis

    Before he made Shark Night 3D or Snakes on a Plane David R. Ellis took Final Destination to places that it was kind of lacking in the first. I am talking about the deaths that Like Dio made you stand up and shout this time. The Final Destination movies are pretty much the same every time and overall pretty god damn basic. What matters are the deaths and this is the one to go to. I will say that part 5 did a pretty god job in this category and almost made the list. The deaths were fun and the end made me feel like Lethal Weapon 4. I hope they are smart enough to end it there as it left the overall mediocre series on a super positive note.

49. Psycho IV- The Beginning- Mick Garris

     The King of King shows us why Norman likes dressing in drag. Made for TV and it show's but always good for a watch. Surprisingly effective prequel.

48. Demonic Toys 2- William Butler

     Made eighteen years after the original and still maintains the feel. Baby Oopsie Daisy still shits the pants. What else do you need?

47. Return of the Living Dead Part II- Ken Weiderhorn

     Takes the same approach as Evil Dead 2. Essentially the same film remade in a more humorous tone.  Some pretty hilarious moments in this.

46. Creepshow 2- Michael Gornick

     Like most of the films on this list while not being as good as the first I enjoy watching this one more. I have more nostalgia for this than a alter boy does for priest wang. I enjoy all three but The Raft is the highlight.

45. Bride of Chucky- Ronny Yu

     Doll Sex and John Ritter. Have a super amazing memory of watching this in a trailer while eating a frozen pizza. It has stuck with me for years.

44. Friday the 13th part VI: Jason Lives- Tom McLoughlin

     It's no surprise that a few Friday sequels would end up here as there are about a butt load of them.  Overall I think that Friday has the best percentage of sequels good to bad but for now I will stick to this one.  The kills are fun, Alice Cooper wrote a song for it and a cop gets folded in half.

43. Halloween II- Rick Rosenthal

     While not being a perfect film Halloween two picks up right where one left off which just makes it a fun follow up.

42. Nekromantik 2- Jorg Buttgeriet

     I feel guilty having this so low on the list as I love the first one and the gore and characters in this are fanfuckingtastic. It does however suffer from the curse of the long running time. If he had cut down the time even twenty five minutes I think it would hold up a lot better. I still love it, don't get me wrong.

41. Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2- Lee Harry

     OK, I know 85% of this is flashbacks from part one but it has one thing that almost put it in the top ten until I decided to show some restrain. Garbage Day. Yeah garbage day is one of the greatest moments in film period.

Well there are the first ten of the greatest sequels. I will be posting the rest over the next few days. Let me know what you think and keep your eye out for the rest.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Liebster Blog Award

     Shit yeah the Grog has been recognized, it's even better as its from one of my favorite blogs to read Son of Celluloid.  Great reviews that the Soska Sisters appreciate and great articles like this one about Independent Video stores, not to mention he ends his shit with an homage to the master himself Joe Bob Briggs. I appreciate the nod but I would like to clarify the voice that is unique is just me being insanely intoxicated, gotta give credit where credit is due and this time I think Bushmills and Tarantula deserve the credit for the blog. This is an award for blogs getting off the ground that have less than two hundred followers so I am honored and will leave you with a list of five I would like to pass this bizzness onto. I wish I could do more but rules are rules so here in no order are five blogs I have been digging on, which all coincidentally have been a part of our now monthly Bad Netflix Crew where we have some drinks, talk shit in homage to MSTK3000 and bullshit with other horror nerds all across the country. I encourage anyone interested to look out for the next one which should be announced soon. It is a blast.

Mr. Gables Reality

Mr. Gable loves bad movies. He will keep you updated with trailers of shit you can't believe came out of someones butthole(not Clive Barkers), His reviews are fun and make you feel like a kid again looking at that giant box of monsters coming out of a toilet wearing a graduation gown. This guy knows bad better than Michael Jackson's finger knew Macaulay Culkins butthole.


Scary Larry  will keep you updated on all things important like horror comics, babes from the horror world and music and movies of course.

Vincent's Handmade Art

Badass art and one of the original members of the Badnetflix crew Vincent likes to throw in some drawings during the riffing that usually make me shit out of my nose. Yeah this bear is in space. Hercules put him there.

Direct to Video Connoisseur

Love for Dolph equals love from me. A new member to the Bad Netflix crew. Great write ups of films that didn't make it to the big screen and much more.


Last year he watched a horror movie a day for, well you get it all year. Funny and intelligent at the same time. Not as frequent now but a real fucking treat when he writes a new one.

Thanks again Son of Celluloid for the nod and everyone needs to check these.


Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Eden Formula- John Carl Buechler

    John Carl Buechler has made some pretty fantastic movies. Ghoulies 3: Ghoulies go to College is well dare I say a masterpiece. Miners Massacre is so bad ass he could give Harry Warden a run for his money and we can never forget all the amazing effects work this man has done. Friday the 13: The New Blood is one of my least favorite of the series but the Jason effects in that are right at the top of the list. Hatchet gave him a chance to shine again and he got to drink his own pee. Awesome.
     The Eden Formula I am sad to say is not at the top of the list of awesome. You had the elements there. Dinosaur, Tony Todd, John Carl Buechler, and the Lawnmower Man himself Jeff Fahey. The dinosaur looked like it was from Sifl and Olly. That of course is not a bad thing. I enjoyed the dinosaur. Every time he picked someone up and ate their head off, cinematic gold. There were some good effects and some awesome moments but it suffered from the way to fucking long for its own good syndrome. If it had been about half the length and they cut out all the unnecessary heist crap out it could of went right there on the list with Miners Massacre but by about an hour I was pretty god damn bored.
     I have seen worse, if you have the time and are pretty intoxicated there is some enjoyment to be found you just will have to suffer through a bullshit heist movie that happens to have a bad ass puppet dino that eats bitches.



Auschwitz- Uwe Boll

     Uwe Boll has made some of the worst movies ever made. He takes video games, makes ridiculous movies out of them, they don't make money and everybody hates them yet he still gets funding and pretty decent actors to make the next one. When I first saw House of the Dead I absolutely hated it. Next up was Alone in the Dark. Wow, what a piece of shit. Then came Bloodrayne, as I watched that it was awful, it was painful yet for some reason I was enjoying it. I then realized I had missed something all along. Uwe Boll is a genius. After that my eyes had been opened. Every thing I watched now made sense. It became a challenge to sit through his movies, but a rewarding one. Postal was the film that would fully turn around  my opinion. That movie was so fucking funny and his role in it. Wow. He continued to put out movies that I would always pick up and enjoy for what they were. Seed, Farcry, In the Name of the King and then something happened. I saw Rampage. Not a perfect film by any means but overall it was a powerful story with decent acting and effects. I couldn't believe it, it wasn't even based off a video game. My mind was blown.
     This brings us to Auschwitz.  I saw the trailer for this about a year ago and was in awe. Woman and children being gassed and put into ovens. No music just pounding on the walls and screams. A line that so many Americans have had drilled in their head "Never Forget."  I was sold. Uwe had completely lost his mind, and he obviously had the biggest balls in the world. Jump ahead a year and I finally got the chance to see this. Still not fully sure what to expect Gabe Nye and I put it in and sat back with our Bushmills and prepared for the unknown. I am pretty sure it was similar to the way the first astronauts felt.Uwe came on screen to explain what he was doing(or at least he tried), it then went into German teenagers being asked questions about the Holocaust, interesting stuff but after that is when the chaos began.  Lines of people being loaded onto trains, inter cut with people being gassed. Overall it was pretty impressive. The shots were laid out well and the music was haunting and simplistic. There were some interesting editing choices and as I am sure no one will be shocked given the subject matter it was insanely fucked up and depressing. I will say due to the fact that I am a fucked up individual there was a scene where guards kill like three babies in a row by shooting them in the head. It is in super slow mo with this deranged score and as in your face as possible. I laughed my ass off. It is twisted and disturbing but I can't help but applaud Dr. Boll for his fuck taboo's attitude. Uwe Boll has killed more kids that crib death.
     In the end Auschwitz is a unique viewing experience that should be seen by anyone that can handle it. No one besides Uwe knows his true intentions on making this and I am OK with that. Make sure to keep a copy of some cartoon from the 80's to put on after this to avoid feeling like making The Bridge part two.



Nun of That- Richard Griffin

     Remember those calenders Nuns having fun? Well this is kinda like that only their fun includes sex, murder, taking down the mob, dancing, striping, and bar fights. Nun of that is a modern day low budget Nunsploitation film that while not being perfect manages to be a pretty fun ride, as I assume a nun would be.
    Nun of That follows Sister Marry Wrath as she is brought into a secret sect of nuns and priests that dish out the lords love the way they know best. With guns.  They can't stand around and let all this scum taint the earth, they must fuck it to death.
     The film sits at ninety minutes which I admit is a bit longer than it should be but overall it played alright. The list just goes on with memorable moments. Jesus singing a song that I'm pretty sure Depeche Mode wrote to a bunch of drunk nuns and a naked angel is probably the highlight. A Road House homage with Nuns drinking, fighting, throwing beer bottles at the blind nun singing on stage. Yeah that happened. A couple of cameos, one of which is Lloyd Kaufman playing the part he was born for and so many pretty amazing one liners that you would think Arnold Schwarzenegger wrote the script.
      If you take this for what it is, have some drinks and have some friends over it is a pretty fun ride.



Monday, August 8, 2011

Bad Netflix 3- Full on Full Moon Fools Gold

THIS SATURDAY! Netflix Instant Bad Movie Marathon Part 3!

(banner courtesy of

(Part 3: Full-On Full-Moon Fools-Gold!)

Saturday August 13th, 2011 starting at 8:30e/7:30c/6:30m/5:30p

(Saturday the 13th is a Full Moon, so we will pay our respects by hosting WEREWOLF NIGHT!)

What is the Netflix Instant Bad Movie Marathon?

About two months ago we had our first ever Bad Movie Night on Twitter. We chose 3 movies available on Netflix Instant that we deemed bad enough to be awesome. Then we watched them and ripped on them MST3K style via Twitter. Also, we drank pretty heavily and misspelled words constantly. But we had so much fun that we did it AGAIN! We've watched baboons driving tanks, hunky men throwing things into outer space, but this time we pay tribute to the moon: Werewolf Night.

What can you do?

JOIN US! Get on Twitter, Fire up your Netflix Instant machines (if you’re watching on your computer you’ll have to download a plugin FYI), find a comfortable spot and rip these movies to shreds with us! Why? BECAUSE THEY DESERVE IT! Just be sure to post your Twitter handles in the comments section or seek us out on Twitter and let us know you’re in on the fun. (On Twitter you can add people to a list, that way you don’t have to follow on your regular newsfeed, you can just pick it up on the list. Also, we will be using the hashtag #badnetflix. It worked really well last time and anyone that sees our posts will be able to pull up that hashtag and see what everyone else is doing as well!

But let's say you are a Twitter Hater. You find the thought of Twitter repulsive. Then PLEASE do this through any other means you think you can reach people worldwide! Have an active blog, update via facebook, throw a party on xbox, Skype it! Whatever you want to do, just whatever you do PLEASE let us know so we can follow along! And also keep locked onto our Twitter feeds to keep up to the minute with the world’s greatest bad movie commentary! (MST3K aside of course.)

By all means, make it your own. Maybe doodle pictures while you’re watching it, record yourself hating yourself for watching these movies, whatever you want to do!

Where can you find us?
One of NIBMM founders, Vincent, was nice enough to keep a neat list of past participants on his Twitter account. Please CLICK HERE to see the current list of the Bad Netflix Crew and make sure to follow them.
What are we watching?
Monster Dog
1984 - 84 min - Not Rated
Directed by: Claudio Fragrasso (The genius behind Troll 2!)
IMDb Rating: 4.0/10
Synopsis: Musician Vincent Raven (rocker Alice Cooper) ends up in trouble when, girlfriend (Victoria Vera) in tow, he heads to his boyhood home to film a video with his band. Soon after they arrive, a string of horrific deaths occur, seemingly caused by a pack of wild dogs. Two decades earlier, an angry mob killed Vincent's dad, who was thought to be a werewolf; naturally, the townsfolk presume like father, like son. Will Vincent suffer his father's fate?

1991 - 95 min - Rated R
Directed by: Patrick Rand (This EDITOR'S only Directorial credit!)
IMDb Rating: 4.5/10
Synopsis: Proving that flesh-eating monsters don't practice age discrimination, this black comedy tells the tale of elderly Emily Dwyer (Jeanne Bates), who takes a suspicious lodger into her Los Angeles home. After being bitten by him, she develops a taste for her son, Clay (Mark Thomas Miller). Desperate to keep his mother from committing homicide, Clay has her incarcerated, but after she escapes he must take matters into his own hands.

2007 - 90 min - Not Rated
Directed by: Yelena Lanskaya (she looks like a Hallmark director)
IMDb Rating: 3.2/10 (This'll probably be continuing the Curse of the Third Movie)
Synopsis: Using a risky transplant operation, Dr. Hewlitt (Justine Bateman) restores the vision of newly blinded Aaron (Cory Monteith) by replacing his eyes with those of an injured wolf's. Now, Aaron can see in the dark, and his dangerous wolflike behavior only increases with time. Part wolf as well, museum curator Lydia (Tinsel Korey) decides to help Aaron, but Dr. Hewlitt's colleagues are convinced the man-wolf is dangerous and resolve to hunt him down.

What time should you tune in?
Monster Dog - 84 minutes - begin 8:30e/7:30c/6:30m/5:30p

*15 minute break*

Mom - 95 minutes - begin 10:10e/9:10c/8:10m/7:10p

*15 minute break*

Hybrid - 90 minutes - begin 12:00(am)e/11:00c/10:00m/9:00p

Last Words

Thank you again to ALL that participated last month and got this thing off the ground. This is truly a fun time to spend on the internet. In all honesty, it's all about hanging out with cool people that happen to live hundreds of miles away. I'm so happy I get to do this and I'm glad other people enjoy it too. Hopefully we'll rope in a few others into participating again this Saturday. I'm sure we can. I know we can. See you all Saturday! I look forward to fishing for gold on Netflix Instant with all of you!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Ward- John Carpenter

     John Carpenter is one of my favorite filmmakers. In his long career he has made some amazing contributions to the horror and action genres. Halloween still is one of my all time favorite films and The Thing, Escape from New York and Big Trouble in Little China are not far behind. He has also brought us plenty of other great films such as The Fog, Christine, In the Mouth of Madness and  so many more. Even his less than perfect films ala Vampires, Ghost of Mars are entertaining and keep me watching from time to time.  A few years back he made episodes for both seasons of Masters of Horror. The first Cigarette Burns was one of the best of the series and made me have high hopes once he returned to film he would still have it. His second entry Pro Life while not as unique as Cigarette Burns is at least fun, had Ron Pearlman and I love anything with abortion in it. We now arrive at his return to film with Ward. Was it worth the wait?
     The Ward is so predictable, cliche, boring and has an ending that even M. Night would shake his head in disapproval at.  I wanted to like this. I assumed it would be no masterpiece but I at least thought it would be a fun ride. It's not. Moments of it work. I love Amber Heard and a lot of the supporting cast is great but none of them shine. This movie is so average. I think that's what bothers me. Anyone could of directed this. The story is basic, a few of the shots are cool but overall nothing even happens exciting there. The music is forgettable. Yeah in a Carpenter Film. I have nothing else to say. Its a sad day when I have to say anything about John Carpenter. I am going to go in the corner, curl into a ball and cry.



Cyrus: Mind of a Serial Killer- Mark Vadik

     Serial Killer movies are a dime a dozen. Some like Henry:Portrait of a Serial Killer and The Manson Family use the subject matter and make a pretty god damn compelling and beautiful movie. On the other hand you have bullshit like all the Kane Hodder serial killer films and of course one of the worst filmmakers of all time Uli Lomel. Cyrus is somewhere between.
  Cyrus is told through many flashbacks that Lance Henriksen is reporting to Danielle Harris. That dude from Sleepwalkers plays Cyrus for most of the film and Tiffany Sheppis gets naked and plays his evil whore of a mom. Doug Jones takes the eyes out of his hands to talk some bullshit about serial killers. The thing is most of these people along with pretty much everyone else do a pretty fantastic fucking job. How can you not love Mr Frank Black himself? Danielle Harris seems like she cares the least out of all these. I generally love her, especially in The Last Boy Scout but I don't know how much I buy her as go getter reporter. The one who deserves most of the credit is enemy of the cats Brian Krause. He plays Cyrus so cold and calculated without overdoing it as I would imagine would be an easy thing to do with the character.  The effects are used well overall outside of a head explosion that could of been amazing but was just to CGI heavy. The biggest flaw with Cyrus are the inter cut interviews. These are so out of place and boring. They just seem like filler to reach the ninety minute run time which is one thing I will never understand. why is a 75 minute movie that works better than a ninety minute movie so full of shit.  If they would of just kept Cyrus and maybe a little bit of Lance telling it I think it would of been a much more powerful film. Every time I was getting sucked into the story some random ass person would pop up and spout off some facts they learned from Frontline.
    If you enjoy serial killer films and have ninety minutes you don't mind wasting give this a shot, otherwise look up Mr. Jim Van Bebber or John McNaughton.



The Redsin Tower- Fred Vogel

     Toe Tag has made a name for themselves over the last decade or so.  Their August Underground trilogy are among the sickest of the sick. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Growing up I would always seek out anything I thought would gross me out. The problem was most of the time even movies I had heard were the sickest things this side of Patrick Swayze's last week alive were tame and kind of boring. Jump ahead to hearing about these infamous films. I saw Mordum first. My mind was blown. In fact I am pretty sure somehow I shit and pissed all over my dead grandmas body while raping her decomposing foot. I had to see the first one(at this time Penance was still not out). I was so impressed with the effects that I had to show everyone. While not being the most plot driven films I have ever seen the gore was enough to warrant multiple viewings. I then saw they did the effects on Murder Set Pieces and was insanely impressed with that. I had high hopes. It was nice to see the effects inside of a story I actually enjoyed. 
     This brings us to The Redsin Tower. A Toe Tag film with plot and acting and story. I was ecstatic. It starts out as a breakup story, turns into a revenge story and somehow mixes in some supernatural possession for good measure. It is very reminiscent of 80/90's films like Night of the Demons or The Convent both of which I am huge fans of. 
     It is a very different kind of film than most are used to. Everyone involved seems to care a lot about the film and it shines through. While no one in here strikes me as actors they all do an insanely believable and great job. The story flows like a Anemic on her period and as you can guess the effects are mind blowing. Buckets of blood, heads being chopped up, babies being eaten(Brother Lynch would be proud) one dude read Where the red fern grows one to many times and puts his hatchet to use more than Victor Crowley.

Live Evil- Jay Woelfel

     Vampire films overall are a bunch of baby semen, unless your a priest that is gross. There are some exceptions obviously but overall vampire films are full of bullshit whiny ass pussies that are sad because they live to long and don't like having to change their loves every few years when the age difference becomes weird.
      Live Evil is made by someone who obviously grew up getting huge boners over Full Moon movies and even bigger broners for Trancers. This movie is low budge sludge and has a heart ready to be ripped out with a Rube Goldberg contraption and eaten. Tim Thomerson is bad ass and wears a priest outfit, a cowboy hat and uses a samurai sword backwards. The movie is full of nudity, amazing kills including late term abortion that will have you cheering for Roe vs Wade all over again. Ken Foree shows up to have bad tattoos and explain everything and well its just a fun fucking ride down the highway of hell. Mr. Gable made this a reality for me and I hope you will take it upon yourself to dot the same. If you wanna have some drinks, have some fun and see what can be done with a low budget and a couple of bad asses check this shit out or I will behead your baby.